Ok, for the a while now(6-7 months), I've thought I was gay. For the longest time before this, I was pretty much a heterosexual/heteroflexible guy. Not really caring about who or what I was attracted to. Ok... Now hear me out. I've just recently come to the conclusion I'm maybe bisexual. So I'm in bed with a girl I've been dating(met her thinking I was hetero) and she's by far not the only girl I've been with. Any who, while we're in bed I keep having this anxiety about my sexuality and then we start kissing, I get an erection and well, we don't "seal the deal" but I wanted to. Now don't laugh because since noticing some of my same sex attractions, I've thought I was turning gay or something but I still get sexually aroused without meaning to around women. It's confusing the snot out of me? One minutes I think I'm gay, the next I'm in bed with a girl making out and about to have sex. The only reason I didn't is because we both agreed that I didn't just wanna make it a "hit and run"! So my question to people here: is this normal? Is this just a way I'm fooling myself because I'm afraid to be "fully" gay. To fill people in, I was also attempted to go down on this girl. I was getting really turned on guys. I'm confused. Advice please...:help:
You haven't mentioned what actually makes you feel that you are gay? I can't recall if you said so in your other thread or not either.. You're still just mentioning how turned on you are by girls and sexual acts with them, lol. Also just finding other guys attractive doesn't really make you gay/bi. What would make you gay/bi is desiring a relationship with a guy and being able to enjoy sex with them, among other things of course..
Lance, your always first to help me. I'm not sure what has me thinking I'm bi/gay. It's kind of like an uncomfortableness in my body whenever I think about me and another man. Honestly, all I have to chalk this up to is that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of being bi/gay because maybe deep down I am bi/gay... I guess I just want to be comfortable with myself regardless of sexual orientation. But I'll start there. Another thing is, I'm interested in men. I'm interested in homosexuality/bisexuality. I honestly feel there's a sort of freedom that comes with it that "normal" hetero people don't get to experience. I have a few friends who are true definitions of pan/bisexuals. And there probably some of my closest friends. They honestly prefer women but don't get twisted in knots over having sex with men. And there so carefree in that sense. I really appreciate who they are and I guess I sort of envy them. Whoever... I'm going off on a tangent. Thanks for replying, Lance!
I have been in two loving committed long-term monogamous relationships. One was with a man and another was with a woman. The man was first and the women came after college. When I began with women it was just fun and sex and curiosity and then I fell in love. I haven't been attracted to men other than celebrities and pin ups. I thought maybe I'm just a lesbian but I was in a loving and satisfying sexual relationship with a man for 4 years. That's how I decided I'm truly bisexual. Long term satisfying sexual relationships with both a man and a woman (years apart). It's not easy figuring things out when you are bi. It's also irritating how many people in the gay community think you'll cheat with the opposite gender or you are just promiscuous. I don't get the cheating with the other gender insecurity. Bisexuals can just as easily cheat with the same gender if they are cheaters. Good luck.
What about just thinking of yourself as being open minded when it comes to sexuality? Or a good term like you mentioned in your original post, heteroflexible. But you can label yourself whatever you feel like. If bisexual fits and you're comfortable with that, then there's nothing wrong with it.
Thanks Femme. It's much appreciated to hear this kind of advice being reciprocated. I guess from an early age, probably since I had my first gay experience(11-12) I thought I was kind of "gay". Then I got in some relationships with women and the thought of it went away. I experimented a bit in my late teens and 20. Never really felt right. More just some excitement on lonely nights(I know. I was using others and myself :$) but this experimenting involved girls and cd's/tv's. And I've indulged in crossdressing myself. So now I'm noticing more men than usual but at the same time still attracted to women. Lance is right in the sense that just because I notice attractive men doesn't mean I'm gay/bi. But at the same time I get this anxious feeling and don't know where it comes from. I'm honestly probably over thinking it. Anyways, it's odd to feel attraction to both sexes. Sometimes I wish it was one sided but at the same time, it's unique. I feel part of real minority and at the same time able to identify with both straight and gay people. Thanks for the words y'all. Everyone here is so helpful.
What goes through your head when you see attractive guys? Is it "he's a really good looking guy." Or something like "damn he's hot, I'd like to ________ him." Do you think you could see yourself being comfortable in a loving relationship with a guy? How does the thought of being affectionate(cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc..) with men like you are with women make you feel?
Hey, I can really relate to your desire to be comfortable with yourself whatever your orientation is. Honestly, I have spent my whole life uncomfortable in my own skin, and honestly didnt sweat sexuality..then! Wasn't until my life started getting better, my head cleared, I became sober, and then I found something to really rattle me! I am constantly checking now, and it can freak me out. About 6 months back, I was so anxious that I couldn't get it up with my girl. I freaked out! We had sex all the time, no issues then Bam! I thought, "oh my God, I'm fucking gay"! ( No disrespect, sorry). Anyway, ever since I gave been so obsessed with "my orientation, bi/gay, whatever". It sucks, I've had a rough time lately. I feel like prior, I noticed men, had thoughts, etc but didnt sweat it. Still totally didnt consider i was anything but straight. Self doubt is a bitch, and if your in the middle it seems even more confusing. Gay thoughts freak me out.. I'm not comfortable...
I remember when I started questioning and how things where getting confusing but don't try to sweat it too much, it takes different amounts of time for everyone who questions and some even experiment and still are left confused but just remember that you don't have to come up with an answer right away it might take sometime and it will bother you especially if you're uncomfortable at the thought of being gay (most of us are at first) but take sometime to really think about how you feel and if you can try to find a friend or someone who you can really trust and tell them how you've been feeling and how it's affecting you because they might be able to help or just be there to listen which is a lot better then going through it alone trust me I had a hard time going to through it alone and I distanced my self from a lot of people which only did more harm than good. I hope this helps in anyway and yeah... really think about this and I wish you the best of luck:icon_conf
