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I'm in a BAD situation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Minecrafter, Dec 31, 2012.

  1. Minecrafter

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    this morning around 12:30am me, my dad, and my big brother were up watching law and order and in the episode there was a robber who robbed a bank 5 years ago and they knew it was a guy. well my dad said "i think tne girl did it" then my brother said "yeah the girl used to be a guy" then my dad looked straight at me and said "Yeah I hate it when poeple do that"
    God he literaly said to my face that he hates people who transition. I don't get why he said that because up untill now he had been suppoting me and so far ive only told the people on this site that I want to transition :frowning2:
     
  2. Argentwing

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    Is it possible he was just teasing? Because if he really does hate it, that is ripe for a conversation with him as to why he's having a change of heart.
     
  3. Deaf Not Blind

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    you slept on that? how sad.
    you know, in case he thought he was somehow being funny...kinda like how some think gay jokes are funny to say to gays...maybe you ...no def you need to talk to him and find out.
    you are hurt, your his kid, he owes you an explanation.
    then tell him without anger but with all your hurt...Dad, that made me really hurt about that you hate me all night long on the last night of 2012, something i can never erase.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Does your Dad know you are transgender?
     
  5. Minecrafter

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    Yeah but he dosen't really belive me I told him about a week ago
     
  6. shovelman

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    Did he just say "Yeah I hate it when people do that"? because he could have been talking about the show and not referring it in anyway to you just simply because he looked at you when he said it but you should really ask him if it's bothering you, you already told him so maybe somethings just need clarification.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Well I agree with the above poster that maybe you misunderstood what he was saying, when you are in the process of coming out you become hypersensitive about things people say and do that could be vaguly connected to homophobic or unsupportive comments so maybe your mind is making it worse than it is.
    Also even if you werent wrong about what he said, a week isnt a long time in the grand scheme of things for him to come to terms with everything. That doesnt make his comment right, but I bet it took you longer than a week to come to terms with the fact you are transgender and then same can be true for our parents. Can you leave him some PFLAG information on the side, or a book, or try and talk to him some more about it?
     
  8. TotallyaGirl

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    I agree with Silverhalo. I would say talk to him if it bothered you. If he truly cares, he'll listen, and maybe he'll start to realise you aren't kidding around. And maybe, just maybe, he and your brother were joking around with you. Sounds like the kind of thing my family would do. Obviously he wasn't right to do so, seeing as it is bothering you so, but yeah, I think you need to just talk to him :slight_smile:
     
  9. Chip

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    Remember that you've been dealing with this for a long time but just told your dad. You had to go through a long period of acceptance to get to where you are... so give him permission to take the same amount of time.

    I doubt he was trying to be mean, it probably just sort of came out. For most parents, having a child that's transgender is much more difficult to accept than having a gay or lesbian child, because transgender people are simply not at the same level of acceptance yet. IF you haven't already, encourage him to go to a PFLAG meeting. And... try not to take it too hard. I'm sure he feels crappy about what he said, and knows it wasn't the right thing.
     
  10. Ianthe

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    The parent who has the same gender as the child was assigned at birth especially has a hard time, often. It's because gender is something that they feel they share with the child, and the fact that they can't share that any more feels like a loss to them in a way it doesn't for a parent who does not share the child's assigned gender. Since the same-gender parent is usually considered to be a gender role-model for a child, it can feel to them like a personal failure, or even like their child is rejecting them personally.

    If it's just the one comment, and it's never repeated, you could consider just leaving it alone, and giving him some more time to come to terms with it. And, like Chip said, encourage him to go to PFLAG and talk to other parents who've been through it. If he keeps making comments, then you'll have to talk to him about it.
     
  11. CharmanderGato

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    Did he actually tell you he doesn't like transgenders before or after you told him? If it was afterwards, there could be an issue, otherwise, I think it's probably just a slip of Thr Tongue or a joke. Especially if he's been supportive up to this point. My mom does that. Joking around, I mean, but she doesn't outwardly bash me, even though I know it makes her uncomfortable. Mainly though, I think that's because of the way she thinks I'll be perceived and because she's not used to it. And honestly, I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't worry about that almost every moment of every day. I guess whatever it is, you'll just have to try to work through it, but remember we're all here to help and help you think through it. When I first started coming out though, honestly, I took EVERYTHING way too personally. Like, I got mad even when people who knew referred to me as a "she." not saying that's what you're doing of course, but... It's just to show that you can misinterpret things more easily when ur that vulnerable.