Hi guys! Long story somewhat shorter, I met this guy back in October. He goes to my university. I met him on a dating site, and we hit it off pretty quickly. He was very flirty right from the beginning, and we hung out a few times. Fast forward to the first week of November. He began texting me things like "Are you a top or a bottom? Let's have the sex. Right now," as well as "I am a bottom and you may find this our firsthand if you keep dishing out the compliments." So, I figured it was safe to say he liked me, and I liked him too. That weekend, I decided to tell him I had a crush on him. Then, he acted weird, and told me that he actually went on a date with a guy he's known for a while that weekend (three days after he texted me all those suggestive texts). I was angry for a little while. Then, he told me he was polyamorous. At that point, I wasn't as mad. He asked me if I was interested in being in an "open relationship." At first, I said no. But, I decided to say yes a few days later. Fast forward again to December 1st. We were going to hang out at my place at noon. He texted me that morning and asked if he could come over at 10 AM instead. I told him that was too early. Then, he said "Truth is, the boyfriend wanted me to go on a nature walk with him and the rest of the radical faeries." At that point, I was very confused and frustrated. So, I asked him where I stood with him. He said "as of now, I don't like you romantically." I was crushed, as I had grown to really like him. That was the 1st of this month. It's now the 31st. I have cried about this every day of the month, at some point during the day. I know that he's a bit of a jerk and doesn't deserve my love and affection. But, I can't help but feel incredibly jealous and hopeless. We've sorta stayed friends, and we've hung out once (we were gonna hang out other times, but he would always bail at the last minute to be with his boyfriend). Every time I look at a guy or talk to a guy, I always unintentionally compare him to this guy. Does anyone know what I can do to finally find some peace with this? It's unhealthy for me to continue to feel like this, and it really affected my schoolwork during the last month. I need to move on, but I don't know how.
It does sound like you are just heartbroken, but it does get easier with time. These experiences are very positive, especially at young ages, because they force us to learn and grow from them. (*hug*) You are right, this relationship is not right and should end. In my opinion, he does not want you because he is polyamorous. He wants to have someone for 'fun' on the side. He has known you longer than he has known this other guy, but he already refers to him as the 'boyfriend', but decides not with you. Dating is important to him with the 'boyfriend', but not you. Even the fact that he blatantly says that he does not like you romantically, and makes not effort to ensure that that could change, or even care phrase it softly. I'm sure you are a great person, and you desire a guy to be more interested in you, than whether you are a top or bottom. Of course they are going to be interested in sex too, but they should atleast respect you enough not to ask you over a text message. Definitely not, propose sex. You have to realize that you deserve better, kick him to the curve, and grow from this experience.
Screw him, in the figurative way. He doesn't care about your feelings; it sounds to me like he was in it for a piece of ass. I would definitely look elsewhere. If you're jealous that he's hanging out with other guys, consider that he doesn't care about them either. It might just be a big facade. You can look at his partners and think "Sucks to be you."
I never considered that as a possibility... I guess it makes sense. I'd just like to think I was more to him than that. Would it be best to just go my separate ways with him, or try and stay friends? The one time after all this we did hang out, he seemed to feel the need to interject something about his boyfriend the entire time. We'll call his boyfriend "S." "S and I talked about this the last time we hung out." "If S proposed to me I would just die from excitement." "S is gonna let me f*** him. I've never topped before - I'm so excited." I was holding back tears the whole time. I don't think I can deal with that again.
Please, drop him. I know it may not be what your heart wants, but it would be for the best. He doesnt even seem to be trying to even consider how you would feel about anything, and that is his fault, not yours. You have to be confident that you deserve better than that.
I wrote him a long text yesterday explaining how I felt and that we shouldn't communicate for a while. He replied with: "Dude, chill. What brought this to the surface because this is unbelievable? I'll leave you be." I'm just not going to reply... such a stupid question, and "unbelievable" is the last thing this is.
