So I'm not out at all, except to my therapist. I've got a whole bunch of friends that I went out with tonight, and I have to admit that I'm sort of drunk ATM Anyhow, some interesting conversations came up about musical theater (something that I have a passion for, as a fan...I can't sing or dance myself), suicide, and a whole bunch of other topics. It should be noted that one of the parties is my best friend, who is very LGBT-affirming, but I'm not out to him (a Chik-fil-a commercial was on during the bowl game when I walked in to the bar, and he made it extremely clear that he hated them!). The thing about suicide struck a cord with me, since I had thought about it as recently as a few months back (but convinced myself of course not to do it, there are way too many people in this world that care about me to do that to them), and he mentioned that it was simply beyond his comprehension why anyone would do that (he said he's had three friends that committed suicide, and I've known two of them). Another guy that was with us and me mentioned that it's not too far a leap from where we've been in our lives, but we've both avoided it. He has *no clue* what I'm going through right now (and you'll see it for yourself if you look through my thread history here), so I'm sure it was just idle conversation, but regardless it got to me. Has anyone ever had such disturbing conversations, and been certain that the other party had *no clue* what you were going through so you just brushed it off?
Oh yeah. I've been there. I've got depression, and I'll be honest here. I have spent the majority of my life in a semi suicidal state. And friends of mine always try to relate, but they have no clue, no clue at all, what its actually like to want to kill yourself. You can imagine it, and think you understand, but unless you've been in that place yourself, you have no idea at all. When I hear them say things like that, it both infuriates and touches me. It infuriates me because they don't know what they are talking about, but at the same time its touching that they actually care enough that they even attempt to try to picture themselves in that position. So most of the time I just end up letting it slide, because they just don't understand.
I think you will feel better when you are out to more people than your therapist... and why should it have to be the "guys at Cheers .." (Hi Norm) who are the first to know .. there risks a chain reaction you could select some individual, someone a bit more discrete and safe to begin with, and the process can begin more gently
