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He has a girlfriend :(. Would be grateful for help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JackAttack, Jan 1, 2013.

  1. JackAttack

    JackAttack Guest

    I feel destroyed, stupid and confused over someone I used to be friends with. For the past two and a half years since I last saw and spoke to him, I constantly think about him and stalk his Facebook. But my stupid stalking has led me to see that he now has a girlfriend. I feel devastated and so stupid. All those signs that I thought he made were I believed that he might feel the same way were all just me imagining them. He knocked my confidence and self esteem down a lot so why do I still feel this way, I should hate the idiot but I cant. Iv messaged him before in the past but he just ignores me.

    What can I do now? Iv tried many times to move on and taken so much advice but still no luck. I feel sick and it hurts. Sucks having emotions.

    I would be very grateful to anyone who reads this or helps.

    Thanks
     
  2. Mhin

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    It has been two years and you did nothing, all you did was stalk his facebook.

    Since both of you are used to be friend, why don't you talk to him and ask how's everything about him, at least this is a good start (which supposed to be started last two years) even though he has a gf.
     
  3. BudderMC

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    The things you use to get over feelings for someone are time, distance, and something to distract you. It really does suck (and I'm sure most of these forums can attest to that), but it may just be in your best interest to cut ties and move on.

    If you do want to remain friends (and feel he would as well), I would still advise taking some space away from him. Send him a quick message or something explaining that you need to clear your head for a bit and that it's nothing personal.
     
  4. Jeff

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    If I read correctly, they have not been in touch for two years. So you really think sending a message saying he needs to clear his head, nothing personal, is appropriate?

    But I think your advice of cutting ties and moving on is about right. Move on and say nothing.

    BTW, the GF could be a cover.
     
  5. JackAttack

    JackAttack Guest

    Thanks for the replies they have helped a lot.

    I have messaged him asking if everything was ok, but I got nothing back. I have cut all ties except for the Facebook stalking, I guess that's probably the problem. I really doubt that the gf is a cover but the idea is wishful thinking haha.

    I just don't understand why I feel like this still, we were arguing a lot before I last spoke to him and he has made no effort to talk to me. I feel like these feelings are isolating me from interacting with new people for some reason.

    Thanks again guys
     
  6. Ditz

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    Hi Mighty Fox

    Do you have the option to speak to a councillor or therapist where you live? If you do they might actually be able to help you come to terms with the loss that you are dealing with.

    I was always dead set against going to see someone and spill the beans of personal issues that I didn't want anyone else to know of... Thing is once I scraped up the courage to go see someone she helped giving me a whole new perspective on things which helped tremendously.
     
  7. Filip

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    Well, that's kind of trying to stop smoking, but only if you're allowed to hold on to the cigarettes.

    I mean: for two years, facebook stalking was apparently your only interaction with the guy. If you want to get rid of the really toxic part, it is precisely the part where he's listed as a facebook contact.

    As tough as it may be, the one signal you should take is that he isn't replying to any overtures on your part.
    As much as you might want to think that this is all a long two-year plan to express his love through a cryptic pattern of facebook updates, and testing your resolve through pretending to have a girlfriend... that's really not how people work. Moreover, if there is, somewhere out there, people who work that way, they're the LAST people you'd want to get involved with.

    So, if he doesn't talk, it's that he doesn't want to talk. No elusive pattern can argue with that. And if you want to move on, it's best to cut him off completely, which means including having him on facebook. So the best advice I can give here is to take a deep breath and hit the "remove" button.
     
  8. TeePee

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    I was in a similar situation for the most past of last year. Difference is he was my ''boyfriend''. He also has a GF now. I stalked him as well, sent him messages with no response from him. I removed him, then added him again. I realised how much it hurt me to read about how much he was ''in love'' with his GF and all that. First step, i unsubscribed to his updates. It's when he responded rudely to a message i sent him on his birthday that i got the courage to hit.....BLOCK. That way i never get to see his facebook activity. It was hard but now i feel load-free.
    Sorry for hijacking your thread but i hope you got something from my experience
     
  9. JackAttack

    JackAttack Guest

    Iv used my counselling service at my Uni several times already, they might get a bit pissed of with me returning again haha. I went for reasons relating to this but I never had the courage to admit my sexuality to anyone. I will just try harder to avoid his facebook and keep him blocked, but that wont be easy.

    Im glad someone else has experienced something similar, although im sorry you felt this way. Thanks for the advice everyone.
     
  10. kiltrout

    kiltrout Guest

    I would block him on Facebook. It might seem hard at first, but eventually you will feel better.
     
  11. troubledbi

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    Hey there,

    iv just posted the same kinda thread earlier. The only difference is, is that we havnt really spoke in around 4 year. I have a gf and he has a gf and a baby.
    I do the same, stalk his facebook but everything that i see hurts me.
    Because i have a girlfriend and want kids, it makes me think that he is thinking the same. His girfriend is a bit older than him so maybe rushed it a bit.

    Its such a shit feeling 'not knowing'. It doesnt matter how strong the vibes are you just need to hear them say it with your own ears.

    Iv decided to tell my guy the next time i see him that i used to be in love with him. I will the judge his reation to that and if it is bad then atleast i can say its in the past and partly blame it on the alcohol lol.

    All the best buddy :slight_smile: