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I think I could be gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EMB, Jan 1, 2013.

  1. EMB

    EMB
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    I'm sorry I don't know what to say here, I guess I'm pretty confused. I'm sixteen and everyone else I know is obsessing over One Direction, or Tom Daley. but while they're pretty, I've never managed to get 'obsessed' with them like everyone else. When I watch films, I don't think that the men are hot, its more well, the women. I don't know if I think I'm a lesbian it could just be a phase or something, part of me really doesn't want to be (not that there's anything wrong with it) as I kind of always figured I'd marry a nice man and have kids etc. I'm scared, I don't know what's going on. Please help.
     
  2. BudderMC

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    Welcome to EC! For what it's worth, I'm into guys and I don't obsess over 1D or Tom Daley :lol:

    In all seriousness though, only you can really answer where your attractions lie. If you're into guys, cool. If you're into girls, cool. Both are perfectly fine (moreso in some places than other, but I digress).

    Some people might disagree, but I don't think anyone wakes up one day and decides "Oh, I wish I were gay!". I mean, to live as something that's not the norm in our society is not really a desirable thing. But what's important to keep in mind is that well, even though it seems like a big deal (and is at times), our sexuality really doesn't have to be a defining part of us.

    You can also still have that 'white-picket fence' life if you want - get married, have kids, nice house, nice car, 9-5 job... the only difference is your husband will be a woman. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    There's a lot of ground to cover here, so do you have anything specific you're worried about? Perhaps if you can identify certain things the members here will be better able to quell your fears.
     
  3. MerBear

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    well , i can totally relate to your situation ...although...budder MC has basically clarified it.
    im not obsessing over one direction either....haha. i can't stand them.

    and when girls fawn over male celebrity's , i'm just like ..."Emma stone is hot" then they all look at me and cock their heads acting like im an alien.

    i thought i was going through a phase but im not so sure now
     
  4. EMB

    EMB
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    Thanks so much for replying. I guess my biggest fear is that I'm going to end up making myself unhappy because I don't know what/who I am. I also worry because I've seen first hand how cruel people can be to others as I have a friend who's bi, and while this sounds really cowardly, I don't want that. I guess writing this down I probably am more attracted to girls, some women, I do obsess over. I do love the idea that being gay won't change much, but at the moment I just can't seem to see that.
     
  5. MerBear

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    well , how would you feel relationship wise with girls?
     
  6. EMB

    EMB
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    Yes me too! Sounds like we feel quite similarly... I think Michelle Dockery's hot. You have no idea how good it felt to say that.

    Frankly I don't know how i'd feel about a relationship to a girl, at the moment it's starting to sound okay, but I'm worried its just a phase and something I'd regret admitting later if I'm wrong.
     
    #6 EMB, Jan 1, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2013
  7. MerBear

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    yeah ...i was always scared to be open about who i think is hot ...but now ..i feel like i can scream it to the word. i usually don't have a thing for red heads either , im more for brunettes but damn....emma stone...kill me. she's too beautiful
     
  8. EMB

    EMB
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    This sites been a bit of an eye opener, I thought I was a bit abnormal. It appears not, whatever I decide in the end.
     
  9. MerBear

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    mhmmm. yeah , well feel free to post questions and whatever you like.
    i've got people helping me with a personal matter and my sexuality so it definitely helps
     
  10. SparkDT

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    You're definitely not alone. :slight_smile:
     
  11. EMB

    EMB
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    And that feels amazing. Thanks.
     
  12. Lebowski45

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    Ok, first of all, welcome to EC. I think talking about it with people who've experienced these things can really help, so I hope you find this website as beneficial as I, and loads of others on here, have.

    So, what you're feeling is scary! Of course it is. We grow up thinking we'll marry someone of the opposite sex and have children, so when we question that it's strange. As for not wanting to be gay, I think that's a pretty common reaction amongst gay people. I didn't want to be gay. When I first thought I was, it was both terrifying and depressing. (and its not homophobic to think that). But gradually you go through a process of acceptance. Most gay people go on to really like the fact they're gay, and live rather ordinary lives (as BudderMC says, the only difference is the gender of your partner!).

    Confusion can be a real pain in the arse - sadly, sexuality for some people isn't easy to work out, and I think I fall into that category too. But sometimes we can over-think matters. A piece of advice I received on this site (though I am aware I'm a guy and perhaps the way we think about sex is a bit different) was to strip it all down to - rather crudely - who would you quite like to get it on with. If you take all the guilt, and emotions, and attachments out of the equation, and just think/fantasize in your head about who you'd like to kiss/sleep with and all that jazz, then you'll probably find an answer (I'm not for a minute suggesting its as easy as this though, what I'm suggesting is to try and see where your sexual urges lie).

    Hmm, so yeah I feel like I could go on for ages but I'm not sure if I'm being helpful or not. My best piece of advice is to ask any questions you like, and talk to us all about it. Believe me, over time - whether you're gay, straight, bi or whatever - things will become clearer!
     
  13. EMB

    EMB
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    You are being helpful, immensely so what you've said makes a lot of sense, your tip especially. I wish sexuality was as simple as it appears on the surface, but I guess its al about the journey??