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Please help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by starwarsgirl, Jan 1, 2013.

  1. starwarsgirl

    Regular Member

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    I started dating my best friend (who is a guy, I'm a girl) a few months ago. I was in an abusive relationship and he told me that he had had feeling for me for a really long time and could tell I was unhappy, so I broke up with my boyfriend to be with him. Recently, we took our relationship to a new step and started going to third base. He didn't really have a problem getting hard, but once I would try to give him a handjob or oral, he would lose his boner instantly. At first I thought it was because he was really nervous as this is his first real relationship, but then I asked if there was something more and he said yes. He then told me that he had been struggling to figure out his sexuality. He thinks he might be gay but he is really confused and unsure. My theory is that he is bi because he IS attracted to me, but maybe the combination of nerves, his confusion, and his guilt in not telling me was keeping him from being able to stay hard. I've been trying to be really supportive of him, and I suggested watching straight porn and gay porn and seeing what he likes. Although this might not be the best way to tell, I'm not sure if him going out and experimenting with other guys is the right thing to do immediately. We decided we're going to keep trying and see what happens. What do you guys think? Is there anything else I can do for him? Anything he could do for himself?

    ---------- Post added 1st Jan 2013 at 08:33 PM ----------

    I have no idea how to work this site, so if someone could help, that would be great!
     
  2. BudderMC

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    Sorry for the confusion - sometimes the site automatically moderates posts that it suspects are spam, so the moderators have to actively go and approve the post. It's being finnicky tonight :dry:

    As for your boyfriend, I'd second that going out and experimenting with guys is probably not the wisest idea. For what it's worth, I'm 21 and have never even kissed well, anyone, and I'm very clear in that I know that I like guys.

    If your boyfriend is confused, perhaps it would be better for him to take some time to be single while he sorts out his thoughts, to preserve both of your feelings.

    As for what else he could do, if you're/he's comfortable with it, you could certainly refer him here - I'm sure there's other members who've been in similar situations to him, and at the very least it might be reassuring for him to know he's not the only one struggling.

    But welcome to EC. :slight_smile:
     
  3. RainbowMan

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    I'm in the same boat with BudderMC - I think if he's open to it, have him come here. It's truly a wonderful resource, and in the short time that I've been here, I've been able to get help for a variety of issues, and just having similarly situated people to talk to is good.

    And yeah, I don't think going out and experimenting with other guys is exactly the right thing to do right now for him. Again, I like guys, I know this - but I've never been in a relationship (which is why I'm here, it's a long complicated story that you can look up if you want to by looking at my post history) and never kissed, well anyone.

    Welcome to EC! :welcome:
     
  4. MrAwkward

    MrAwkward Guest

    I used to think that maybe I was bi. Back in high school I had a girlfriend, and when we made out, or even just lay in the same bed together, I got hard-ons pretty damn easily. I know for a fact that I wasn't actually physically attracted to her and have since then concluded that it was just due to being close and intimate with another person. Your friend could be in a similar situation to me?
     
  5. starwarsgirl

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    He says he's attracted to me though. I'm not sure, but you make a good point.
     
  6. MrAwkward

    MrAwkward Guest

    Yeah, he very well could just be bi and it was the nerves etc that got to him. Another possibility is that he's in denial and telling himself that he's attracted to you, that's how it was for me. Do you know if he's attracted to other girls as well? He could just be emotionally attracted but not physically attracted to you. Sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to convince you that he's gay, I'm just trying to put all the possibilities on the table to help you guys out, that's all. :slight_smile:
     
  7. starwarsgirl

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    He seems to be attracted to other girls. I think a lot of it is nerves.