In the past month I've become so clear-that I'm gay. (could be bi). I've read, looked at my life, and looked deeply at what I want, need, and what turns me on. As liberating as that is, I've been with a wonderful woman for the past 3+ years. She loves me so deeply, wants to marry, and talks about all the things we'll do the rest of our lives. And I too, love her so deeply. And very honestly. I entered into a relationship with her assuming and thinking I was hetero. We have a deep intimacy, and for the most part, a good sex life, though that's getting more difficult for me . And there is so much more to our relationship. - our families are close, my kids love her, we've shared some tough family sadnesses, and happinesses, too Tonight after I left her place to come back home, I was just sobbing in the car. I don't, I just don't want to give up being so loved, so accepted, so wanted. And I don't want to give up lovIng so. I will not cheat on her. I don't want to lead a double life. And so I'm very sad about this. I don't want to hurt her, I think maybe, somehow, someway I can be liberated by knowing this gay part of me is real, while living a happy loving life with her. I don't want to lose what I have, I don't. This hurts me so much- I just can't imagine losing her. Might it be possible, even healthy, to commit to her, and be happy? For the first time in my life I realize I'm not crazy, I've always been different, I've always had a romantic and sexual interest in guys. My fate has been to find and be loved by an amazing woman. It could have been a man, but it wasn't. And maybe that's just fine
