First of all, Happy New Year everybody! I know there's hundreds if not thousands of these posts but I just felt like I had to ask myself. I was supposed to come out today to my brother and parents. For months I’ve been telling myself that I would come out when I came home for the holidays. I even set the condition of not coming out to anyone else at college (which I’m perfectly fine with) before telling them. But I hadn’t done it so far, thinking ‘Oh, there will be a better time’ and ‘He/she is not in a good mood, I’ll just wait ‘til later’. But I really wanted to do it today, I’d promised myself I’d do it to start this year off and stop lying. I don’t want to lie for a whole year. But I just can’t do it. I don’t see an opening, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to say it. It’s just so weird. I think I’m just so scared but I don’t even know of what! My mom has said she would still love a gay son; my brother has attacked homophobia and stereotypes. My whole family seems to be dropping huge hints that they know and want me to tell them but I just can’t. I want to, so bad… But my brain gets in the way thinking that maybe they won’t be fine with it, maybe I misread signs. I even planned how to do it: when my brother’s girlfriend goes to shower or something, I’ll tell him. It’ll be short cause we are not the chatty types. If he’s on my side, I’ll go tell my mom. If she’s fine, I’ll tell my dad if she thinks I should. I can actually play the scenarios in my head but I can’t make them come to life. I’ve always done this, always procrastinated but I can’t let this happen. My brother is leaving in four days, I have to do it. Please, just tell me how I can do this. I know I have to, I know I want to. I just don’t know how to. Where do you get the courage to finally open your mouth and confess it when my instincts tell me not to? I see so many people here at EC telling their stories and good or bad, I envy their courage ‘cause I really don’t know how in the world I’m supposed to do this. I love my family more than anything and I could not live if anything changed. Thank you anyone who reads this.
Hi there! I'm not sure if this would be a good way of coming out or if it'd even work for you but I'll just offer my idea anyway and you can decide haha. I'll admit that it's actually how I've come out to others a few times now so don't laugh if you think it's ridiculous (it pretty much is..) So basically what I do is I go up to the person and just act really weird. For example, I'll be like "Hi" and then I'll just stare at them suspiciously and not say anything after that. Then eventually they would start getting weirded out and suspect that something is up and ask something like "Is there something you wanted to say..?" I would then reply "Yes.." By this point I would've hopefully forced myself into a position where I can't back out as the other person will keep nagging at me to tell them what's up. Eventually I would spill the beans and that's the end of that! Personally this isn't how I would want to come out to my parents but if you find that you keep making excuses for yourself and can't be direct about it, I reckon it's a pretty easy way to do it. I wish you good luck and please let us know how it goes!
I agree with MrAwkward try to find way so you don't back out of it if you really want to tell someone though otherwise wait until you're more comfortable with it but it sounds like you're making excuses for your self to not do it. I found it hard I wanted to tell my best friend since he was going to be the first to know but I chickened out at the last minute and he took notice that something had bothered me but he had to leave and couldn't really ask but he did text and I saw that he was worried for me and the thought of me putting this person I really care about made me quite upset with my self so I told him that there was something I wanted to tell him the next time we hung out and so the 2 days went by and he came over and I was so nervous that I was trembling but he assurance that everything was going to be OK and I told him and now things are great between us if not better than it had been, alright I've rambled too much now! XP My point is that if you keep finding excuses and you really want to come out it will get hard on you, you'll feel bit or a lot terrible and people will notice and possibly think it's something else that could be worse unless you clarify for them if you really want to. I know it's not the best advice but good luck and come out when you're ready
Maybe write them a letter? Your family sounds awesome though and if they've been dropping hints like you said they have, you are probably right, they know you are gay and are trying to encourage you to come out. That actually places you in a very fortunate position, one I wouldn't mind being in. In the end though, you need to be comfortable with the idea, so follow your heart and that little voice in your head.
Hey guys thanks for the advice. You're right, I'm the only one getting in the way of my coming out. So I told my parents that I want to talk to them. I can't back up now . Pretty scared but 'm sure it'll be fine. I am lucky to have such a good family. And thanks for your help, I'll let you know how it goes! I'm really going to try tomorrow.
well, if you for any reason do not...it is okay. it is a part of your humanity to be careful. Now, you got a good loving family, so yeah for that! i have not said that "MOM, I am transgender, and I may date guys as you assume or girls...but i MAY take them medicines to look fully male one day, and if I do date a man as you suggest it will be GAY, got it?" Instead I have been every few days adding more conversation about gay marriage, gays being kicked out of some churches and how God wants all to feel welcome and go to heaven, her doctor who she thinks is female but said he is male...and his face is as boyish as mine (if he is cis-gendered I will shout woohoo!), told her the reason i hated my birth name since a child maybe because i prefer the boy name she picked out for me, how my cousin was born both genders and another was gay (died of HIV), and finally she saw I have a best friend who is an MTF who calls me David. This was since maybe the 3 day after coming home...and up to today, about 2 weeks! Still I have a lot more to say. If you can't flat out say "MOM DAD IM GAY!" Then continue the dialog until the day it is just a trivial last thing to add to the rest of it.
