[Wall of text coming through, so I genuinely appreciate anyone who takes their time out to read it, 'cause I need some help. Big time] So, I have this straight friend. I know him from school, though I really got to know him after we graduated and we ended up in the same place of work. We were texting one day and I made a joke list about things to make my life better: "Dr Pepper, more shifts at work, a hot guy..." and he replied "I can cover options two and free x", and this kind of flirting continued. At first I thought he was joking, but after a while it felt different. I knew what it was like for straight guys to be so comfortable with their sexuality that they can flirt with you - I have friends like that, but this was so different. This was in September 2011, and by October, I had fallen for him. I fell hard. The stupidest thing I could have done was tell him that I "started having feelings for you lately" (You know the song, I don't need to sing it for you guys). The entire thing blew up in my face, I was rejected, he told me he was straight - he was very sympathetic and felt awful for his "joke" leading me on so much, but it hurt so, so much. But I'm guessing you know what it's like when you really like someone - you don't care about much else. Of course, it was really awkward for a while but we have a good friendship so it was alright in the end (give or take a few months!) Anyway, history lesson over! On new years eve, I was out with my friends and one of them thought it would be hilarious if she text everyone off my phone a flirty text. I was drunk so I just saw the humor in it - most of us have been willingly "fraped" once or twice in our lives. It was just banter. He was one of the people that got it, and replied saying something like "lol how much u had to drink?" I told him that it was my friends, but I hadn't actually spoke to him for a few weeks because he's moved jobs, so we just both got talking, texting just general conversation, but both evidently drunk. He kept asking where I was and how I was getting home, and I was just leaving my friends house party so I just said "I'm walking home on my own ". He said he was going to come and meet me at the end of the road I was on, which he did, and we just chatted for a bit. It was nice catching up. Moving forward, he was just being weird, like nervous, and he asked if I wanted to go sit in the park round the corner for a bit. As you do at 3:30 in the morning... (ha!) From there it was just us sitting intertwined with a really awkward silence, and he started babbling incoherent drunk lines like "I dunno why but when you came up on my phone texting me it made me happy. It's just you, I dunno why it happens I dunno I don't get it I dunno" blah blah blah, trying to get his words out, and then classic lines like "you know i'm 'not', but like...i dunno it's just with you it's different. i dunnoooo" and then, after a good 15 second silence, he grabbed my wrist, led me away from the bench we were sat on to behind some climbing frame or whatever it was, and...kissed me. Rather passionately too. It was short because someone came running up to us asking if we'd seen his friend, so I think it really spooked him, thinking someone saw us, and it ended after that. Then he was just being weird again, almost trying to justify it happening by joking "well that's experimenting out of the way!", then other stuff like "you know I care about you loads right?" - A bunch of mixed signals. He also said things like "I feel like I'm messing you about. You know I'm 'not', right?" (once again...), and "I don't wanna offend you or anything but...", at which I cut him off and said "well don't say it then." Thinking back he was either going to tell me he didn't like it or I had smelly breath, which I'm fairly sure I did due to how dry my mouth had gone from excessive alcohol consumption and, most probably, nerves at the situation. I don't really know what it all means, and I know he's pretty freaked out now because he's being off with me. I reckon he thinks I'm going to tell someone or whatever, or he's just confused and worried about what just happened. As any straight guy would be, but one thing I do know is that it's messed my head up big time. It's all I've thought about the past two days, and now I'm all confused about everything. I had gotten over him, but I fell so hard that now it's all stirred back up. I really wish none of this happened because now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to him or do about any of it... It was just so surreal, the whole thing. I mean he's straight, I don't understand. Not one thing about him is gay, he plays soccer; he goes on about soccer; he has 100% guy friends who he plays soccer with; who he goes to the pub with, on "lads" holidays with; he only recognizes female music artists like Beyonce and Rihanna by their level of attractiveness. The entire thing is BIZARRE, and I really need some help! Please, someone advise me!
Sounds like he's questioning to me. As far as what you should do....be there for him. That's it, let him figure out what he is. trying to rush him to make a decision will end I'm str8. haha.....gotta love stereotypes. I'm one of those ppl, I swam, played football and if I didn't explicitly tell you that I was gay. You probably wouldn't know. oh and you left one thing out that IS gay: HE KISSED YOU!!! lol
Err, I doubt he's 100% straight... he may say he is, he may portray an image that he is, he may think he is but doubt he really is, based on what you posted anyway. However I don't think he's realized or accepted he is bi... and he's probably even more confused than you are at the moment. How this turns out is anybody's guess, but you may want to briefly txt him and tell him what happened in the park stays in the park, that you're not going to talk about it, but if he ever wants to discuss what happened, he can contact you, but you'll leave the "incident" in the past otherwise ?
I forgot to mention another thing. Well, declined to because it's rather personal. He had an erection, that he was fully admitting to having and said it happened as soon as I started texting him... I'm sure that made him cringe in the morning, haha. I just nervously laughed when all that was going on. Anyway, I did text him yesterday. Basically saying what awesomeyodais said I should. But I'm wondering...When do I next contact him, and what should I say? Should I bring it up? Pretend it never happened? I don't want to forget about what happened...
Wow, I can relate to this story so much. It actually made me tear up because I felt every single word. I have a friend that I've really fallen for and when he is drunk he says and does very similar things. He tells me he could have a platonic relationship with a guy and that he loves me (not sexually). We always end up kissing when we are drunk, but I think I scared him off a little the last time and it all became too real for him. He tries to avoid that kind of stuff when we drink together now. After he kisses me he says he's '100% straight' and that it's just because he's drunk. I have to believe that, it's his word, how could I question it? I just know how you feel and it hurts. If you don't think he's going to accept that he isn't completely straight, you need to stop now before it gets harder for you. If you hold back a little it could help him realise and he will come to you first.
Hi He doesn't exactly sound straight from what you've said. I realise it's hard, but it's probably best to carry for now like nothings happened, and see if he brings it up. Forcing him to acknowledge what happened is likely to just send him running for the sanctuary of his closet. Good luck (*hug*)
Can I ever bring it up? As much as I hate it, I agree...I should leave it for now, but neither of us can pretend that nothing happened. It's impossible to ignore!
