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Went to a gay men's coming out group tonight

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PeteNJ, Jan 2, 2013.

  1. PeteNJ

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    Great, really great.

    11 men -- 4 of us similar ages, divorced, dealing with similar things. A couple of young guys, just beginning to work on things. A couple guys out just a few months.

    As the new guy tonight, my questions got a lot of attention. And wow, the guys were fantastic.

    When I introduced myself, I said I was questioning gay, in a hetero relationship.

    Later during the night one of the younger guys asked me point blank -- are you bi or gay? Took me a minute -- I said gay, I know I'm gay.

    So -- I think I can say I came out to 10 people tonight :icon_bigg
     
  2. wilted

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    That's fantastic! It sounds like this men's group was helpful to you :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lance

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    That's nice that you had a good experience there. It really helps to be around people that are similar to yourself. Exactly how did you find out about this group?
     
  4. JohnJuan

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    I am so happy for you. It sounds like you have found a good place. Next week I am starting with an LGBTQ support group at the university where I work. I am excited and anxious about it. Your experience gives me hope. Thanks for sharing.
     
  5. PeteNJ

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    When I first walked in the room I thought theyre all young college guys- nothing in common. That was stupid of me, more guys showed up, and whether you're coming out at 18 or 50- lot of same concerns anxieties questions.

    It's a little far for me (almost an hour drive) I'm hoping to find a closer group to regularly go to, but for sure will go back

    After Each meeting they all go out afterwards either to a diner or gay bar. So if I can keep going and make friends with these guys it would be a great way to start learning about things I can do as an out gay guy.

    Found this pride center online , it's in a nearby university town, but clearly men of all ages there (tonight there were 3 men's support groups of various kinds going on)
     
  6. dl72

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    Congrats. Glad it worked out for you.
     
  7. Deaf Not Blind

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    oh interesting.
    i saw that there is a Queer center in DC.
    i wonder if they have support groups for me too?
    i am really having a hard time with no straight men, no gays, and no transitioned transmen in my life right now.
    Going this alone is not safe or emotionally easy.
     
  8. Asari

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    That's awesome! I've been wanting to go to a lgbtq support group for a while. That's great you had an awesome first experience.
     
  9. Pete,

    That's a really enormous step for you. Congrats! I hope it helps you sort through things.

    I just came out (accompanied by a huge emotional meltdown) to two guys this week. I feel SO much better about myself. I think the part I feel best about is that I know that I can't go back into the closet. I mean, I was REALLY emotional - distressed, weeping, trembling, anxiety, etc. The two guys I told will never believe me if I say, "Oh, just kidding! I'm not really gay." At first, that's why I was freaking out so much, I think. But now, that's what I feel so comfortable about. I'm glad that I told someone something that I've never told anyone before.
     
  10. nydtc

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    Great Step Pete!!! So happy for you. I know you are concerned about the risks of losing everything you have if you come out - hopefully this will give you a chance to see what you might gain!
     
  11. PeteNJ

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    As much as going to the group is about emotional support... let's be clear -- its also about me looking forward to getting laid once I'm out...*

    Another guy getting out of his hetero relationship made a great comment that just makes me smile a devilish grin -- he told me "sex with a guy is 900 times better than sex with a woman."

    (*not necessarily with any of those guys!)
     
  12. Given To Fly

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    Pete, I love your honesty :grin:

    Seriously though, congrats on taking a big step (*hug*)
     
  13. Gen

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    Exactly.

    And its true. You just fully came to terms and accepted yourself after all this time, as long as you are responsible you should get to have a little fun. I hope it continues to go well in the future.
     
  14. inthedark4eva

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    Congrats PeteNJ!!!! I need to find a group like that. The odds are I will have to travel as well. I think I'm ready to take that next step. :slight_smile:
     
  15. RueBea85

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    Congrats PeteNJ! I'm glad that you were able to find a group that has been so helpful to you! :slight_smile:
     
  16. leer

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    brave thing peteNJ am glad everything have turned out good for you
     
  17. aspiecarer

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    Well done Pete.Hope that you feel good about it and it all works out
     
  18. PeteNJ

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    Went again last night. That's 3 meetings so far. Let me try and describe what its like -- the whole feeling.

    -- I'm with a bunch of other people, both younger and older than me (some a lot younger, some a lot older).
    -- Everyone is struggling with -- whom do I tell? when?
    -- Some are sexually active, in reality all of us want to be (me too!)
    -- All of us have felt the sting of anti gay comments, behavior. (me less so, some terribly much)
    -- Did I say -- the groups have been so damn accepting, open, welcoming?
    -- Its awesome to hear someone say something, that not quite what I'm thinking, is so much the same.
    -- Gay guys, in general, are damn funny, interesting, pretty darned cute.
    -- MOST OF ALL -- I'm not alone, we can all be in this together.

    Last night the group was going out to a gay bar. Lord I wished I'd have gone along (but I still have a kid at home I need to get back to).

    I'm making friends. And exchanged numbers and texting with a great guy who I'm going to meet up with soon.

    Though I know I have some really hard things I need to do to get my life straight (haha!) with others, deep inside me I am happy.

    Peace