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How to tell a guy that you are not attracted to him in a nice way

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheDude, Jan 2, 2013.

  1. TheDude

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    I'm looking for an advice to tell a guy in a nice way that I don't find him attractive.
    I was at a club last weekend and a friend of a friend was hitting on me that night and I couldn't think of a polite way to say that I wasn't interested in him. He is a nice guy and I don't want to sound mean when I tell him that.
    It seems that this weekend he is gonna be with us (me and my friends) again and I want to be prepare to avoid an awkard moment if he persists.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. Owen

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    Maybe something like, "Nothing personal, but the feeling isn't mutual. You're a nice guy, but you're just not my type."
     
  3. TheDude

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    Well, I think that could work. The only thing that I'm worried about is if I talk to some other guy that I do find attractive after I turned him down. I wouldn't want him to feel upset or get him thinking like he is unnattractive. I know I would feel a little upset if someone did that to me.
     
  4. jvn95

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    I know you may be worried about him being upset or feelings unattractive, but there really isn't a super nice way to let him know. Just be direct and polite about it and be on your way. No need to bog yourself down from talking to someone else you find attractive because of what he is feeling. Just don't rub it in his face...
     
  5. Deaf Not Blind

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    what i said was i need some time to think about it.
    in two days i came up with an excuse.
    i said my cousin who was gay recently died and was only 29.
    i don't feel like dating right now, however, i would be fine to be friends, and if that is okay i will call you when i hang out with a group of friends and you can maybe join us.

    sadly i had no friends. So i never called, and he seemed to feel bad eventually quitting the job. however he had told me when i said this that it was nicest turn down he had ever had. and i replied i had no want to hurt him. he did not ask me out again.

    i didn't know then why i could not date him, as he was very handsome. just because everybody wanted us to be a cute couple they told him to ask me out, because i refused i got labeled gay.
     
  6. MidnightOwl

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    I don't think excuses. Just simply be honest, "I don't see you in that way,"
     
  7. Fumi

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    I worry too much about other people's feelings, so I get where your're coming from. The only thing that comes to mind is to friendzone him, let him know that you just see him as a friend (supposing you do want him as a friend).
     
  8. FranklinK

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    Honesty is always the best policy. The ugliest truth is always better than the prettiest lie. If you do find a guy that you like afterward he shouldn't be upset because you didn't lie to him and say that you weren't looking to date or use some other excuse that puts you off the market.

    Per example: My buddy Lamar hit on me when we started hanging out almost 5 years ago. He asked me out on a date after we hung out twice. I politely told him that I wasn't into black guys -open and honest- and his response was 'me either.' I was terrified after I told him such a bold statement. I didn't want to ruin a friendship by lying. We have been great friends ever since.

    Everyone has a type and not everyone you meet is going to fit into it. Including the people that view you as their type sometimes.

    Leading someone on is one of the worst things you can do. I'm sure he will appreciate your honesty.
     
  9. pinklov3ly

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    Hmm...this seems to be a problem I'm having trouble with. My mistake is that I wasn't really attracted to her in the beginning, but she has such an awesome personality. And I care about her a lot, but I can't bring myself to tell her how I really feel. I wish I could help, but I'm in the same boat as you. There's really no nice way without him feeling hurt and rejected. But I guess it's best to let him know now, than to lead him on. Good luck!
     
  10. TheDude

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    Thanks for all the advice guys!

    He is coming this weekend so I'll be honest with him.
     
  11. LiquidSwords

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    I'd say telling him he isn't your type is the nicest way to do it. It makes it clear that nothing's going to happen but also says that it's a personal preference not because he's generally unattractive.

    Love your username and avatar too :icon_bigg

    Obviously you're not a golfer!

    Introduce him to me please!
     
  12. mnguy

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    Saying you're not into him isn't saying that he isn't attractive. Some guys that others find attractive I don't at all and I'm sure others don't see the attraction of guys that I think are hot. See? All you're saying is you're not into him. Also, attraction ends up being more than just looks. You'll do fine if you are kind and respectfully honest. :thumbsup: