Hi, I am not doing very well mentally this day so I am reaching out to my friends. I am 23 years old, and i have wrestled addiction and psychological problems my whole life. I must be one of God's favorites because he gives me alot of struggle but he pulls me through. I was an alcoholic and addict full blown by 14, I spent my entire teenage life in trouble, horribly addicted, treatment centers you name it. I sobered up from drugs and alcohol at age 20, it was a miracle that it took. When you begin using, you stop maturing socially so I am finally feeling the pains of adolescence. That includes sexuality issues... About a year ago, with 2 years recovery in one fellowship I attended a few SAA ( sex addict anonymous) meetings but didn't stay. It was like when I was introduced to other programs, a million reasons why i don't belong. I figured I could work on sex issues in my fellowship. What got me to that meet, my significant other (F) found a M4M dating site and a Craigslist post on the same day on my computer. I was caught, I thought we were done. We stayed together, she forgave me and trusts me to.stay faithful. I told her of my sexuality confusion, Bisexuality fear, etc. She accepted that as a part of me. We are much in love, I honestly love this person more than anyone it scares me. I have tremendous trust, intimacy, self loathing, issues like you would not believe. I work on myself everyday, but I'm stuck, I think my addiction to sex is out of control. It's not uncommon for addicts to trade one self destructive addiction for another....Duh!!!! Here we go... I am obsessed literally with sex and sexuality. All i think about is sex, it is shameful stuff. I spend hours online escaping with porn, straight, bi whatever. I also frequent countless hook up sites and check Craigslist too. I had several gay hookups in my life, for sexual release with probably other addicts. I purposely seek married or straight men, its just about sex no emotion. I have managed to.stay faithful for now! I desperately want to stop the porn, cruising hook sites. I feel like the worst shame, guilt and anxiety. I think it ads to the euphoria but the come down is awful! It leaves me so miserable. How can I love my significant other and act thos way? It's so awful, and i am so.ashamed. I try and quit, but always fail. I can hardly put two days together without porn or masturbation. I do not know if the m4m stuff is a symptom of this addiction or not. I do not particularly care for men and there is no emotional connection at all. You cannot find that with women! I utterly failed an online sex addict test. I also plan to see a psychologist today to try to sort out my true sexuality and other things. I remember where the SAA meetings are.. can anyone relate and possibly share some experience? Thanks.
You are not alone! Do not be ashamed! You are only human like the rest of us. I have struggled my whole life. Between bipolar disorder, smoking, sex. Anything can become an addiction. Absolutely do not be ashamed of the battles you have fought in this world. The good thing is you are still fighting! Be proud of your strength and tell yourself that you will get through it. I still struggle with porn myself. It is easy to fall into especially with the access these days. Rather than say how horrible you are and keep repeating negative thoughts in your head, say positive things. "I have come so far even after all the things life has thrown at me. I will get through this. I will be a good boyfriend/fiance/husband. I just need to keep fighting but I will get better and I will be happy." You are more of an inspiration than anything else. Imagine what it will be like when you look back and see how far you have come. I can't wait until that moment. I hope to do the same one day.
Thank you for that Fallen, your right It's not all about the negatives! We fight on and overcome, I hate feeling so weak and out of control. Good luck with your journey also, thanks again!
Make this a goal you want to work on with your therapist. Right now, while you're questioning, sex is always top of mind, well, because you need to figure things out. I'd guess, that once you change your status from questioning -- to whatever -- you;'ll be able to move on. Right now, though, its a dominant part of your life -- because you don't know for sure.
I've never actually made a post like this. The reason I am writing is because I am absolutely addicted to sex and have no one I can tell. I'm ashamed of the things I have done. I have a loving boyfriend and I constantly put him and myself in risk of stds. I think my issue is I feel like when he's not here I have no one which is basically true because I live in Europe. However I'm from the US. I feel isolated and vulnerable even though it's been a year and I think instead of deal with these feelings I turn to ****** and bender and nude beaches and cruising spots.when I cruise I know I'm an addict. It takes all my days sometimes. When he's gone, for example he's on vacation now I become out of control. I used to be the person I wanted to be and now I am this. I watch myself do things I don't want to do and after always scold myself but it always goes on. I gave him anal warts and he had to get surgery and instead of cope up to it I said I didn't know how it could have happened because I had no visible signs. Like maybe it was his fault. What's happened to me? I used to be a good person, and I want o be again. If anyone can give me any advice how to stop, coping methods ect I would be so grateful.
