Hey everyone! So I never actually talked to anyone about this, I've always sort of assumed/believed I was straight. I had some crushes on guys when I was younger but mostly it was the guys that all my other female friends fancied, so I'm not sure if it was genuine or just because it was cool to like that particular guy. I never had an actual boyfriend. I have been to a few dates with guys, but usually I just went for fun, I wasn't attracted to them, just thought I'd go and see how it goes. But it was usually between 1 and 3 dates, nothing serious happened and we would just leave it there. I am a virgin. I have kissed plenty of guys on nights out, but I am usually quite tipsy at that point so it is hard to say whether I actually liked it that much. All I can say that it doesn't repulse me for sure and I'm more inclined to believe I liked it rather than not. What I surely do like is flirting with guys and I find it comes on automatically. Even if the male is gay, I just automatically start playing with my hair, trying to look my best when speaking to him. This never happens with girls. I have never liked any girl I knew personally. I sometimes just think of some girl like 'yeh she's really pretty' but it's just admiration, I never actually WANTED to be with any girl I was acquainted with. Sometimes I have girl crushes on celebrities. I will just watch many videos of them, thinking to myself 'omg she's so beautiful' but I don't think I was attracted to them sexually. I'd probably have sex with Rihanna haha, but that's the only woman I can imagine myself having sex with. And I still think it'd be a bit awkward. No offence to anyone, I do respect every sexual orientation but the thought of being with a girl grosses me out a little bit. But the reason I am hesitant about my orientation, because I have never slept with a guy and I am just not sure if they turn me on. When someone shows me a photo of a clearly attractive guy, I'm just like 'yeh he's hot' but I usually don't feel much... I am not sure what I am meant to be feeling though? Am I supposed to feel tingly down there or something? Well this happens rarely to me, usually when thinking of a particular guy I had some flirting with. Regarding porn, I don't wanna go into much detail, but straight porn does turn me on but usually it's the female bits, though I have nothing against male genitals, but it just seems that female genitals get me there faster. Lesbian porn is good with me too, sometimes I watch male gay porn, but that doesn't work as good. It's hard for me to figure out who I am because I never had sex with either a guy or a girl. I am quite attractive I would say, but decent guys just never really ask me out properly and I always wonder whether they feel I might be a lesbian or something?! Not that I ever been told this by anyone... I just always wonder why I don't get asked out. Perhaps if I started dating a guy, it would be easier to tell, but I just always wonder if this has anything to do with my fears? I am so confused. I don't like the idea of being with a woman when I think about it, I can't imagine myself being with any woman, it just seems gross and weird. But I am not sure if it's because I live in denial? I do like flirting with guys and getting male attention, to dress to impress and all these things but I am just so very confused. I know a lot of you have had similar fears/worries/confusions so I just really hope by reading all this, you would be able to tell who I am? Are there any signs that definitely scream I am one or another? Thanks in advance.
Well, as cliche as it sounds, only you can really answer that question. But, I will try to help you out as best as I can given the information above. You could very well be asexual; I don't think you're a lesbian nor bisexual because the idea of being intimate with a woman sexually isn't appealing to you. All my life I've had crushes on girls growing up as well as my teachers. I would get insanely jealous whenever my friends would rather hang out with their boyfriends instead of me. When I first moved to the city where I reside now, I met my neighbor. Her mom saw me walking down the street and asked me if I wanted to meet her daughter. Oh my gosh, it was love at first sight, she was so beautiful! However, she wasn't the first girl I was attracted to (btw I was only 8 years old!!) When I was even younger, I found myself attracted to a lot of girls that I went to school with. And as I got older, the feelings became stronger. I went through my denial phase, but now, I'm happy being gay. Although, it took a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Any similarities? Perhaps not, and that's okay, a lot of people discover who they are later on in life. It would help to know how old you are if don't mind. I think if you enjoy being with a guy then just go with the flow; you don't have to have sex with someone in order to know if you're attracted to them or not. And I know plenty of straight women who are turned on by lesbian porn. ---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2013 at 10:18 PM ---------- Duh!!! I'm a little slow tonight, I see your age now :eusa_doh:
I don't have a lot of insightful advice but all I can say is this... You could be asexual, bisexual, pansexual, straight, or any other thing you "decide"...but the important part for now is to give yourself permission not to know. Maybe try not to assign yourself a label for a little while and just listen to your feelings and your wants and needs. For me, my sexuality is fluid and that's what I've had to learn to accept.
pinklov3ly, haha yes, I was about to reply with my age but then I saw your update I have also had sex dreams about my male friends who I don't even like in real life(well, about the ones I liked too). Don't think I have had any lesbian dreams, maybe just one, I'm not sure. I can't call myself assexual. I am a virgin not by my own decision or choice, I just guess it never happened really. I haven't been in long-term relationships and the thought of a one night stand slightly scares me since I am a virgin. I don't deny the possibility of casual sex though, I would take the opportunity right now had I an offer from a guy that I find attractive and is not a friend or a friend of a friend. But it would just be too embarrassing since I share a flat with friends and I guess it's not that easy to arrange even if I want to. None of my friends know I'm a virgin except for a couple of childhood friends.
Well you are at an age where experimenting is easier to do. You can try something once, and if you don't like it you never have to do it again. And I've actually met several women who are completely straight but will only watch lesbian porn. It just seems to be a thing for some reason.
Hmm I never said I ONLY watch lesbian porn. In fact, I most often watch straight porn, it just seems to me that I get more turned on by looking at females in it, rather than males? ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2013 at 12:05 PM ---------- Ok I read that wrong, thought you said you 'haven't met women who are straight and watch lesbian porn'.'
I dont know anyone that would say no to rihanna gay or straight. lol my point is that i know plently of straight girls who are able to say girls are attractive and have had "girl crushes" ,from my understanding straight girls often feel like they want to be someone and can sometimes mistake this for lesbian feelings. If your drunk and kissing guys you dont like your not going to feel any emotional connection because you dont know them and your drunk. I am gay but if i were to kiss a girl i didnt know and werent attracted to while drunk i may as well be kissing a guy as i wouldnt feel anything. You wouldnt sleep with women and you dont appear to have ever fancied one , you sound straight to me. However you are only in your twenties so it is the time to experiement. Because you are a virgin and unsure about whether you like guys you may be giving off an unsure vibe which guys can pick up on and be put off by.Having said all this i am lesbian with like no straight male friends so my experience with what straight people are supose to think and what guys know is VERY limited so is the anyone of your straight friends you think you could talk to about this ?
Hey, I can relate. I always felt straight, still do! I like talking to girls, flirting and like when women check me out, etc. It can be super confusing, im here with you ,)
Thank you. I am quite insecure and self-conscious in general, so that probably will explain why I don't get asked out. I have close female friends but I'm not sure I want to talk to them about it, because I've known them for a long time and I don't want to scare them off or ruin our friendship. I am now quite sure I'm straight, I just need to work on my confidence really. I do seem to feel a lot more confident about myself on nights out, when I'm all glammed up and seem to get a lot of attention from men. But my confidence level fluctuates throughout the day, depending on how other people treat me, which is really bad I know. Anyways, thank you for a really good advice. And Rihanna is hot damn! Haha, so are you actually gay? Do you date men? Orientation is a confusing thing
