Help! I need to come out to my homophobic dad before he finds out.

So I've started coming out to my friends and family. I wanted to wait to come out to my parents after graduating college and becoming economically independent. Unfortunately my little sister found out a few months ago and she is a really difficult person to keep quiet. She told me our mom knows- claims my mom guessed but I think she told her. I'm afraid she is going to tell my dad and my dad is extremely homophobic. He would probably cry and throw a fit. Then every conversation we'd have from then on out would be about trying to "get me help" or "find me a cure."

Tonight at my mothers birthday dinner I said something like, "If I had a kid I would name it a really weird name."

Then my sister said something very mean. "Good thing your not going to be with a man then." She murmured it but I'm pretty sure almost everyone at the table heard it.

I gave her a stone cold glare and she just smiled at me, amused at my discomfort.

Later in the evening we were talking about our heritage and I joked about how disappointed I am that our family isn't Asian.

My dad said, "You'll just have to marry an Asian man then."

I couldn't help it... I just looked at my sister and her boyfriend. They both smiled at me like "yea we know." Then we all burst out laughing. My dad looked really uncomfortable and said "what is so funny?" I tried to blame it on the weird lady laughing at the next table and it blew over.

Now my dad makes fun of gay people all the time- especially effeminate men. When we got in the car my dad randomly brought up this guy he knew in college that thought would end up gay, "But he now has a wife and three beautiful children. God bless him."
I almost came out right then but I didn't want to do it on my mothers birthday and ruin everything.

I have one more day here before I go back to school. I know my dad is going to react really badly and may never want to speak to me again but I'd rather come out to him then have him find out. I don't know how much longer I can keep lying to everyone. I can keep a secret but can my sisters and mom all keep a secret from my dad? I am so scared. I have to come out tomorrow or worry about my dad figuring out while I am at school. I don't want someone telling him I want to tell him.

 

I was thinking about writing a letter. I wanted to be sure and let him know how difficult it was for me to realize I'm gay and to accept myself. (And how hard it is for me to come out to him.) I also want to let him know that I am still me. I was a leader in the church growing up and it is going to be a bit of a scandal when I come out to my community. When I come out to people they often admit that they are disappointed in me because I was an example to other people. I want him to know that I can still be a moral person and be gay. I know he won't accept me. The best I'm hoping for is him keeping his beliefs about me to himself and respecting that I am an adult and I should be in charge of my own love life.

 

That would be so helpful. I am working on a draft now.