So, there's this teacher, I don't even have her class, I just see her in the halls, or in her classroom and what not, and I think she's so beautiful, so so beautiful, and that thought hasn't changed for months now. I barely know anything about her, I don't even want to attempt to know things, my friends don't help either, they make things worse. They've said things about me having a crush right in front of her, and that didn't help me at all. It's embarrassing, it's time consuming, it's more or less really wasteful. It's a waste of feelings. I don't know how I'm going to just push all that aside. I've tried everything I can think of. I seriously think of her more than I should be, and I know it's just going to waste. I don't even know how it started to begin with, but I really need to revert back to my original state of mind, not this. Help pleaseeeeee.
Stop fighting it. That only makes it worse. Instead, just accept that you have feelings about this teacher, and when they come into your mind, just acknowledge them and let them pass. Just think, "Oh, that's my crush on the teacher again," and then go back to whatever you were doing. Fighting it just causes you to focus on it more, and then it gets worse and worse.
What if that doesn't work? I've been trying to do that for 3 months. Accepting it only makes me think more. It's more or less because my friends always want to bring it up, and then when I just give a short answer, and hope they stop talking about it, they still continue, and I think that's probably one of the problems. I can have a thought, accept a thought, then carry on, but other people make me think about things more because of what they say, and what they do. I only tried avoiding it for about a day, didn't work because, yeah, I can avoid thoughts, but I can't avoid her. So I haven't really been avoiding, but I feel like I'm not going anywhere with this at all.
I personally don't think having a crush on a teacher is a bad thing, as long as you know the difference between fantasy and reality, and don't try to act on it. I had many crushes on teachers as a kid - mostly on men, and that is probably not a coincidence because generally speaking teachers were some of the most non-threatening men I encountered as a kid. I am somebody who has a lot of crushes, and enjoys them. I found my crushes on teachers actually did serve a purpose - they helped me work through things - and even now I like to think back on those crushes that of course never became real relationships. I worked out trust issues in my head with these teachers, trying to decide if in a perfect world where the teacher was not really a person but this ideal I had in mind (I also avoided knowing too much about their real lives) would they be worth falling in love with? Could I be happy in a relationship (or perhaps in your case, you may be wondering could I be happy in a relationship with a woman)? If even the perfect woman isn't enough to make the hassle worth it, maybe I don't want a relationship at all. I also worked out sex issues with the teacher crush, and this is a little more complicated, but I'm just being honest because it is pretty common. Fantasizing about the teacher is safe for many students, and is not the same by any means as acting on it - just like any other fantasy that remains in your head that you never tell anyone about. I decided if I was ok with sex, and what I might like and might not like to do, based on this trustworthy figure of the teacher. It was not so much the power dynamic people might think was kinky, it was about having an ideal adult I felt was good and safe, who I never in a million years would have a real chance with. You can't have that kind of fantasy about someone your own age, because you already know they're as confused and messed-up as you are, and you also know if you think too much about them you're going to act on it eventually in a way you might not really want to because you just want to think about it. So these are some reasons that my teacher crushes were very valuable to me, and I don't regret them at all. Sometimes, as gross as that is, when I couldn't get excited about sex because I was too stressed out as an adult, remembering how I used to feel about a teacher crush did it for me. Ew, I know, but again I'm being honest. It was actually a very handy memory to have in my back pocket. Of course, then I became a teacher and later a professor, and being on the other side of it was very different. The idea that any of my students had crushes on me - which became very apparent that a number of them did - seriously skeeved me out. I did my best to pretend no one ever thought anything about me at all other than studying for my tests, and generally assumed it was none of my business. After all, these were private thoughts, that generally had nothing to do with me really. A few of the high school students who went over the line and actually hit on me got a very quick, very public, and very thorough rejection, a reminder of how completely gross and ridiculous that idea was to me, and how inappropriate it was to bring up. Fortunately, no one ever persisted so I never had to make a bigger deal out of it - these are generally guys and guys don't like being humiliated in public. So anyway, I have two thoughts on it. I refuse to think of myself as a teacher or an authority figure, or even an adult really, in my own life, so my own teacher crushes remain cherished memories. To this day I have a serious crush on a straight and married professor who is essentially my boss, and once again I try to keep that to myself and not act creepy around her, even though I think she is the loveliest being in the world. But when I am at work and realize my own students have this kind of feeling, I feel nauseous and embarrassed. So the moral of this story is, it's a private thing, fairly healthy, and fine when kept in your head. Now you know not to ever share those kind of thoughts with your friends again, because they have big mouths. Maybe you like having the crush because it prevents you from having to have a real relationship like some of your friends may have, or maybe you want a relationship but are having trouble finding a girl in your school to be out with and the crush is a nice distraction. Either way, it is serving a purpose. When you are ready to move on to being with a real person your own age, you will gradually forget about the teacher and start focusing on the real girl. Three months isn't bad, I had a crush on one teacher that lasted for 4 years!! It was a very nice distraction from a painful young life, but I finally stopped when I got old enough to actually be a potential concern for his marriage (I was 17) and that idea scared the life out of me because I never wanted it to be a real thing, so I stopped obsessing about him and switched to a brief obsession about someone my own age I met in a summer class. I then made a total fool of myself with that person, and moved on to college where I fell in love with someone my own age only a few weeks into arriving there. We were together for the next 14 years in a real-life marriage. So the crushes didn't ruin me or my chances, they just gave me practice for imagining what I wanted out of a relationship. Not time wasted at all.
Its a common thing! I dig older chicks so ive had crushes on teachers from time to time. Maybe try looking for a girlfriend around your age to take you mind of the teacher. Theres nothing wrong with a little fantasy though! Just as long as you dont try to take the fantasy and make it into reality if you know what im saying.
RainbowBright: Most of what you said describes my mindset right now. For me, I do think it serves a purpose in a way, because I kind of figured myself out more, not sure if it's a direct correlation, I'm sure that it has something to do with how I'm changing. For the sake of saying this, it's nothing sexual in my mind at all, it's more of just, very normal, typical, simple, love kind of things, but nothing that's over the top or extreme, kind of basic things, so my thoughts aren't totally bombarded with weird thoughts. And yes, the one thing you said that stood out the most was about people my own age being confused, it's probably my main concern actually. I feel like people my age don't have themselves figured out, not that I expect them to, but I find that that's what I find in older people that I can't in people my age. They're almost all figured out and matured, people my age really aren't. The only reason I really told my friends was because I'm the type of person who can't keep anything about myself just in my mind, I feel better when I let it out, I just didn't expect them to embarrass me consistently like that. I'm not trying to pursue anything, knowing as there's many boundaries in which I don't want to cross, but seeing your side of it kind of puts it all into perspective, thanks for the thorough response. stuck mistake: I agree, it will all come to me eventually. I guess there's probably no quick fix, and the only way things change is to grow and understand. BoiGeorge: Yes, I agree. I'm trying to look for someone, but I don't want to jump into something just because I'm trying to get my mind off the teacher. I'm not planning on turning anything into reality, it's just not meant to work like that. But, I'm going to keep looking and I guess it'll all pass soon.
That's really sweet. Very similar to what I thought about too, really I just wanted to be loved, and it was nice to think of someone who had it together actually caring about me like I was normal. Nobody really thinks they're normal when they're in school. It was nice to have that feeling sometimes like I was ok and could have support from someone else, even if it was just pretend. In the end, I think it was good that I thought about it, it helped me to know what I wanted when I did get in a serious relationship.
I felt the same way when I was in school. I had a ton of crushes on my female teachers. Usually my crush would fade as the school ended, so i think i was lucky with that. Just try to keep in mind of what is reality and what is fantasy. Sometimes it can be difficult to separate the two. I enjoyed having crushes on my teachers but I would also say to try not to get too involved in thinking about them, try to do new things, hang out with friends, don't think about them too much. I know it can be hard but when I do new things or if I'm with people I enjoy being with, it takes my mind off of the crushes I have.
I'm not too sure about this. That may work for some but for people like me that would be the worst idea I could think of. For me, to get over crushes I just realize that I'm thinking about it and make myself think about how it doesn't help any situation and that it's going to get worse if I allow myself to think about it further, then change my train of thought to something easy to change and fix to, like music or checking texts and the such. I usually get over crushes pretty quickly since adopting this method of handling it, you could always give it a try and see if it works for you. All the best.
The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Maybe if you look deep enough, you'll see why you're attracted to her? Is it just physical? I do have a bit of a crush on my one teacher. Not only is she gorgeous, she's confident, really smart and she's understanding. She was also our volleyball coach. It does push me to do better in school and it gives me an excuse to see her, but not to get too close.
