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having friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mickjagger, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. mickjagger

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    i have tons of friends who really like me. we call each other close friends, but i feel like i can't be myself fully around anyone, because there is a huge detail about me that i have been covering up. when my friends ask about girls that i have liked, i am honest and tell them who (i have been attracted to girls before). the problem is, subconsciously i feel like i am telling myself that i am gay even though on the surface, i call myself straight, and actually assume that i am straight. it's so weird. is my subconscious right? and it makes me awkward around my friends during those moments and it's a terrible feeling.
     
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Having any kind of secret does drive a wedge between you and the people around you. Especially if you don't feel good about it - or you feel shameful about it. That seems to be what's going on here.

    So yes, many of us felt we weren't really being ourselves or truly open with other people while we were questioning but before we came out.

    As to whether or not you're just fooling yourself, I'm not sure. I don't think many straight people agonize over whether they're gay or not. I don't think it occurs to them. The fact that you think you're gay likely means you're gay, and you're 'hoping' that your subconscious is fooling you into thinking you're gay when you're not.

    In reality, it's your subconscience that is having you consider whether or not your subconscience is tricking you, so that you still have an 'out' and don't need to totally admit that you're gay.

    And that's normal.

    Give yourself time and see how you feel. You don't need to come out to anyone before you're ready. Getting comfortable with it yourself and being able to talk about it in a positive way is important before coming out to people.

    Good luck!