This is going to sound like something out of fan fiction, or a cliched glee storyline, but this genuinely happened and I feel awful As a preface, I do not believe in stereotypes, they are harmful to individuals and society in general, but I do not fit into the perceived gay stereotype. I do not get on with the gay people at my school, they make fun of me, bitch about me and seem to think I cannot be gay because I don't run around in a tutu singing Idina Menzel... I hang around with my rugby team friends who all know I'm gay and are perfectly fine with it. Last night, I was at a party, where all of my rugby friends were, I went outside with my friend "Sam" (not his real name) for a cigarette. He is very attractive, but straight and like a brother to me. We were both just sober, we'd had 3 beers maybe, and we started talking about the various best try's we've scored and one in particular where I had set him up to score. At this point we had a perfectly platonic hug, like normal guys, he's straight and everything. But before I knew it, he had his tongue in my mouth and we made out for like 2 minutes. Afterwards, he straightened up - no pun intended - and said "that never happened in a jokey manner, went inside and joined the party. After we had done shots, about an hour later, he whispered in my ear "your a really good kisser mate lol" and then kissed me again... I have since talked to him in the cold, hungover light if day, and I apologised to him, because I was worried that it would seem like I leapt on his face and he just said "no need to apologise man, it takes two, if I didn't like it, I'd have punched you lol" I still feel awful though and I don't know why, sorry for my incredible naivety, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I constantly have a weird pain in my stomach, like butterflies but annoying. Sorry if I sound like a colossal idiot, but I know he isn't gay, or bi, it was just something in the dark, I just feel guilty though
Hi, :welcome: to EC! It sounds to me like you don't have anything to feel 'awful' about. "Sam" seems to have no regrets, so why should you? You say you 'know' he isn't gay, but for what it's worth, he doesn't sound 100% straight either.
Just stock it away as a life experience and wonder about your true skill level in evaluating people. Maybe that is what is bugging you. Your friend revealed to you your lack of skill in reading people. Not a bad lesson. He not only has you thinking about what happened, but he also has you wondering about your view of the world and how people fit into it. Right out of the blue, eh? Or did you miss signals? Surely rocked your foundations either way. Stuck
There's no reason to feel so awful, if he liked it, and you liked it, then so be it. There's a lot of possibilities and motives, maybe you could just ask him why he felt the need to do it. It appears he's very accepting over the fact that it happened, and he was the one who initiated it, so asking him couldn't hurt.
Your buddy sounds bi curious... Straight guys are known to experiment, but looking back at my experimental phase with straight buddies it never included kissing, especially not 2 full minutes of it with tongue... I might be wrong but I think your mate is not that straight. Maybe someone else can throw some light on the subject with heir own experiences with straight guys. As for the butterflies... Maybe it's, just a little adrenaline rush... Don't feel guilty about it, life is all about experiences and you have an awesome one to remember when you are old and grey one day!
As you wrote it, he initiated the kiss so it wasn't your doing. As already said, he must have enjoyed it to some extent. Maybe you'll get a chance with him again, or if not, you can do it with another guy so have fun.
