I am not really afraid of coming out to family or my parents, but mostly to my grown kids & co-workers. Especially since my ex wife's father works for me. I especially don't want him to ever know because then the ex will know...I definitely don't want her to ever know. my kids would never tell her. they are my closest friends and wouldn't tell her, but I can't bring myself to tell anyone yet. I know I will soon just not yet. my brother who only talks to me in our family, will probably be the one I start with. Has anyone experienced anything like this...being able to visualize coming out to family as easy part but friends and co-workers being the hard part? Sorry if any typos but on my cell phone and fishing to get back into work. please reply...need all the support I can get.
Well, there's nothing that says you have to be out at work, first off. I'm not in the same situation as you (obviously), but I've made the conscious decision to not be out at work, minus a couple of people who I'm friends with anyways. For me, it's just an issue of professionalism - I see work as a place where I should be working, not fishing for a relationship or anything. Consequently, my sexuality shouldn't matter much. But that's just a personal opinion. If you're comfortable (relatively) with coming out to your family, why not start with them and go from there? By having people accept you, you build up a support network, which might help you feel more comfortable in coming out to other people in the future. Coming out is certainly a process; there's no rush, so take as many little steps and as much time as you need.
Hi, I think I understand your position. Family should be the easy ones in a perfect world. We share bonds and memories that are lifelong. Those bonds are tough to break. You obviously have confidence in your familial bonds. Friends and coworkers are easier to lose as the bonds are weaker. I even understand your desire to protect your wife from the truth and spare her feelings (if that is your motive). It seems like a natural situation to me, if these traps we set for ourselves could ever be classified natural. Stuck
Can I ask- why do you care so much about your ex-wife finding out? Do you think she will think less of you? Seems to me - you provided a pretty good life for her/the kids - so the fact that you sleep with me sort of makes this a weak argument. Are you trying to protect her feelings? Ok, here the deal- they are her feelings!!! You can't control them. You can only control how you feel, how you react to your feelings and how you live your life!!!
U are sooo right ny. Thanks. We separated almost three years ago & in the beginning it was rough. I kept worrying about her feelings until people started wondering why I was. I thought I was over that part but I guess I wasn't. Little reminders like that help. Thanks again (!)
I think the best reason to not keep it a secret from your ex, is that if you tell your kids, do you really want them to now have to keep secrets from her? That seems like an unfiar burden. I actually think that in my coming out, I'll be telling my ex before I tell the kids. Maybe she'll blab it to her family, but so what. The kids may need support from her about this.
