i can't be lesbian right?

okay so ... I've been trying to accept i may be bisexual but started wondering if i could be lesbian and when i first though that , i was like "no , i can't ...i liked guys"
my sister said i was boy-crazy and i was per say although ...i liked the idea of having a "boyfriend" , i remember my friend Alex telling me i ran up to my mother and told her i had a boyfriend.

with all the boyfriends I've had....i always wanted something...i guess "perfect".
my ex Thomas and dated for 2 months and i never dated guys that long ...3 months tops and i know the months you've been with someone doesn't matter but when i was with Thomas , i would do things like in the movies , like leaping into his arms and i asked him if he knew what a passionate kiss was one time.....i would just , i don't know anymore.

sexually with guys , when i was 12 ...i gave me and my ex boyfriend a.j had oral sex and giving him a blow job was the most disgusting thing , I've ever done....but when he , i'll put it in simple terms , "ate me out" , it kind of felt good. another was i gave another ex a hand job , it was so awkward but i was a curious 13 year old haha this is one of the reason , i knocked down the lesbian option

the last crush i had on a guy was a year and half ago (my freshman year).
my crushes....i did like them , i have proof i did....i wrote in my diary that there was a guy i liked and i didn't know if he and in the girl were dating....and i just did....i mean....i can't remember getting "butterflies" like i did with my crushes on girls but ...i would stare at them....and talk about them to my friends....

i have to have some emotional connection with guys because I've cried over guys , there a guy i really liked (had muscles and was athletic) and whatever through the year i guess i settled down or whatever and the end of the year , he asked me out and i was hesitant and i was like "i thought you said you didn't like me" and then he was like "well i changed my mind" then i eventually said yes ...then he would hold me in class and i guess i liked it then one day he said , i think we should break up then when the bell run i ran out crying then got over it the next day , figured out i was just his "bet" , i went up to him and punched him in the back of the head. he was stupid anyways immature.
as for the future. i would love to marry a woman personally ...i love the idea of caring and loving a girl and i wouldn't mind.

i'll be honest ...i didn't hear of the word "bisexual" till last year
(sophomore year , im a junior) and didn't hear "lesbian" until....lets see...i don't know , maybe near the end of last year also.

girls , there have been girls who i have had crushes on.

Rosalyn , god ...i would always get nervous around her...she was too beautiful and still is. always tried to impress her and would always stare at her , i always tried to get a peek at her in the locker rooms as well haha

Katie , i remember her..it was the beginning of my sophomore year and i started to think about her more and more ....then always wanted her near me , i loved talking to her...i remember i gave her a hug one day and i got this electric feeling down my back and stomach.

Scarlett. i'm actually recovering from what she did to me. i will not go into details about why im hurt and what she did but i will say that she hurt me pretty badly...i trusted her like no other. she was someone i met online 7 months ago and cared for her...and now she's gone ...and im torn apart. upset and mad, i don't trust myself or anyone anymore but other than that

when i first had my crush on Katie , that's when i started to question. some know me and know my story but either way....i started to question what was this feeling i had? is it just a girl crush or a real crush? do i just admire her? is this just a phase? and for a year , I've been like this sort of , questioning.

now im trying to accept i may be bisexual....but wondering about about being a lesbian.

sexual attraction , i don't know much about. i mean..honestly ..i don't know anything about so maybe if someone could clear that up and explain it? then that would help.

thank you to anyone who answers i really appreciate it

 

how do i explain this , i don't if i'm sexually attracted to men or women , or even both.
i don't know if have experienced sexual attraction before. i can't remember

 

they use to be about men but then got bored then just started daydreaming about women and haven't really stopped and that was a year ago i started daydreaming about women.

 

yes.

 

i will. thank you

 

now that i look at my post. its long. haha sorry

 

thank you.

 

even if i did come up with a label , i more than likely would not come out anyways , its pointless to me.
thats what everyone told me , not to worry about labels and i really should but my body is fighting against my mind. oh how i hate my stubbornness haha

thank you for answering

 

yeah. thank you for answering

 

i actually didn't think there were people who went through the same thing