Hey Guys again. Not sure where to start... I first realised I was gay 4 years ago, and ever since I came out to my closest friends 3 years ago, I feel like my life has been going downhill ever since (to the point where I didn't want it to continue any more). I have attempted suicide, and seldomly contemplate it. I guess it all started 2 years ago, when I got my new Biology teacher in Year 9 (I'm in Year 11 now), the moment I first set eyes on him, I couldn't take them off :3. I thought to myself wow, how haven't I seen this guy before! Little did I know what impact this crash would have on my life. He's 62 years old, grey haired and has the most beautiful moustache, and it was so amazing how I got to know him. One of my best friends had a close relationship with our English teacher, they could talk about anything together, and he suggested to me that I should do the same. Probably because he got tired of me asking how it went every time he went to see her, so he thought I should experience it for myself. If it wasn't thanks to him I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it (and I'm not a very confident person). So over the past 2 years and a bit, I would see him in between lessons, lunch breaks, after school sometimes just to talk about a range of things really. It turns we had a lot in common, as a Biology teacher I guess it was only natural that he was interested in animals, and when he was my age he also wanted to be a vet but where he lived he wasn't 'white enough' to be a vet. I'm glad he ended up a teacher at my school though, but at the same time I feel bad that he couldn't live up to his dream. I also talked to him about problems I was having at home, and he was so supportive I couldn't believe, because no one had ever been there for me before him. He was the reason I stopped thinking about suicide and became less depressed, but now I've became so attached to him that I've been thinking about him literally all the time. There were revision sessions for the past month, and I was the only one that turned up to them. We talked about a lot of things after the sessions, more about his life, and what he done before teaching and what (and how many) pets he had! I honestly will never forget everything we talked about and how he's helped me. I got him a Christmas card before we broke up for the holidays, and he was so grateful - No one has ever been so appreciative for something I've done for them before, and it just feels so warm. He wrote me a letter back, because he didn't have time to get a card, and the fact that he went to the effort, it means so much. He means a lot to me, I know that he knows that, but he doesn't know how I truly feel about him, and the truth is I genuinely am in love with him. Sadly, this is what makes me so upset. I've been on a few websites, and asked people for advice, and they all tell me I should move on, and I'm too young for me to know what love is. I say that's bs, and I know what I feel for this man, he's always there for me and I can talk to him about anything, it works both ways too, when he was thinking about where he used to live and his ex-wife, he talked to me as if I were his mate - Just as I imagine that my relationship will be like in the future, we'll always both be there for each other. It's affected my socially and mentally; my grades have been going down in mocks and class tests etc, and I've excluded myself from everyone except one of my other best friends every day. It's all because I want this man to know how I truly feel about him, but is that the best decision? My head tells me no, but my heart tells me yes. :help:
NO. Don't tell him, as he will be kind and let you down gently but no. 1st off, did you know teachers have a very important rule to never get involved romantically with a student? If this was a female she would not be feeling safe to be so close to you right now for fear of being fired, and if you were female he would def be very afraid. More than that, many get fired and banned from teaching ever again, lose license. Sure we can say must have proof the teacher tried something, but don't matter sometimes just innuendo can ruin a career. Best thing you can do is not say a thing, so you can continue to have a great friend relationship with your teacher. Next topic. Why do you assume older peeps are liars? When we tell you that it is not real love what we know is WE DID IT TOO. It is not to say it don't feel real, or that you are too young to love, or that love aint love....but that it is not the same as two adults who are 25 or older falling in love. It isn't. And one day you will tell some teen or kid same exact thing. This is not to put you down or say you are foolish, it is to help you to distinguish types of feelings, which you are not yet able to do because of inexperience and hormones. Just as you love your gramma, and would never marry her, so is this love...but you just don't see it yet. When you fall for the next guy, and it will occur, you may always care and love this man but the feelings that are so strong WILL fade. Even if you don't want it to go away, it will. We just are designed this way. I am sorry you have been so depressed and suicidal. Have you spoken to therapy or at least school councilors? Many teens do feel that way, unloved, seeing others dating, seeing no hope. There is. You have potential, talents, dreams...they are within you for a reason. I am glad this crush has got you to not kill yourself, but it is not the only thing to keep you going...you gotta live for you.
I'm not expecting him to say yes or no, or anything like that, I just want him to know how I truly feel about him because it's eating me up inside. Why is that so hard for other people to understand? It could ruin our relationship that we have, and I would hate for that to happen, but the time I've spent with him shows me that he'll be accepting and understand. As much as I would like a relationship with this man, I know it will never happen and I'm happy with the progress I've made. I just feel that if he knows the truth, then everything will be perfect, and it's all I have now that's getting me through life atm. I can understand that, but I don't find it right that people should be so judgemental because they're older, it just seems so arrogant. What makes it different from two adults falling in love? The love that I feel is the same type of love they would feel. I know there's hope now, I was a lot more suicidal before than I am now, in fact I hardly am now at all. I see hope and I go to sleep, and wake up with the dream that one day I'll have my own man. One day we'll go to sleep and wake up together too. That's my real dream.
Beyond rules about teachers not having relationships with students - and Deaf Not Blind is right about that, it will certainly get him fired and end his career - there's the larger issue that if you're 15 and he's 62, any relationship would have a strong, strong likelihood of being unbalanced, and it would be, moreover, illegal. In addition to losing his career, he would become a registered sex offender. Now, if spending time with your teacher has made you feel better about yourself, and shown you that you can be appreciated and respected, then great. But the best thing in this situation, regardless of how you feel about him, is to take that knowledge and certainty about yourself, use it to bolster your own self-image, and move on with it.
Quite a few students have relationships with their teachers, obviously I'm not talking about sexual ones, but close relationships, I didn't say I was in a sexual relationship with my Biology teacher. I know full well the consequences of that, and I would never do anything that would jeopardize him or his career.
What they're trying to say is that there's a possibility that if you tell him, someone might hear and start spreading rumors. Those rumors would get around and then eventually people will think something that's really not true causing him to lose his job and become a registered sex offender.
It's completely normal for you to develop feelings for your teacher. Almost everyone does that at least once. I've never been a classroom teacher, but I've worked as a tutor. Your teacher most likely knows you have feelings for him already--it is a common occurrence for teachers, and they learn to recognize the signs. You are talking about telling him, and bringing this all out in the open. It's a really bad idea. What you don't seem to understand, is that there is no possible positive outcome of your doing so. The consequences will be negative, and it is only a question of how negative. In the best case scenario, he will very awkwardly tell you that he is flattered, and then he will not be able to be as close to you. He will have to create more distance as a preventative measure, for the security to his career. He may even have to tell someone at the school--every once in a while, a student fabricates a relationship with a teacher they have a crush on, and it can be detrimental to the teacher's career. Since you have spent a good amount of time with him, he would be vulnerable to that from you. He might feel he needs to document that you told him about a crush and he reported it to someone else, to protect himself from things you might hypothetically say in the future. Other possibilities range from extreme homophobic responses to some degree of reciprocation (although I think that unlikely, since it seems your teacher is a straight man), any of which would be even worse than that best case scenario. Telling him can only have bad consequences for both of you, and can't possibly have good consequences. Therefore, you should not do it. Because this is the first time you have ever felt this intensely about someone, it's a little overwhelming to you--and, also because it's the first time, it feels like he is the only person you will ever feel this way about. But it's not true. You will have feelings like this in the future for other people--people you can actually pursue relationships with, and have them work out. It will not be the only time. Your feelings are not different from an adult's feelings, necessarily, but you are less experienced in dealing with them. Someday, in the future, after you have graduated and your life has moved forward, and you have had other romantic interests and relationships, there might come a time when it would be acceptable for you to tell him about the feelings you had for him all those years ago in high school, and how that changed your life. But that time is not right now, while you are in the middle of it. You need to wait until you are an adult man, looking back on things. You must not tell him while you are still his student. As the first person who has made you feel this way, he will always have a special place in your memories. As it stands right now, those memories are pretty much completely positive. Telling him will only spoil it.
I'm still so confused, he's been so kind and gentle to me. The time I have spent with this man is just how I picture my relationship. One time I went to see him about my first set of GCSE results, which I didn't collect in the summer because I knee they wouldn't be that good. But the day I got them and told my mum the results, she was so disappointed and said so much hurtful things... The next day I went to see my Biology teacher to tell him about my Biology result, and I only got a C. When I told him he just smiled and said you tried your best, and that's what matters. When I heard him say that I remembered what my mum said, and I started crying. He asked me what's wrong, and as I told him I couldn't keep the tears in. He walked up to me and held my head up, and told me always keep your chin up. I was just staring into his eyes, and a mixture of emotions were buzzing through my mind... I didn't want to kiss him, which is weird because if it was someone else I would have. I was just so happy he understood, I could have hugged him. I'm just so confused because I say I love him, but I don't know how or why I love him. I am attracted to him, and his personality is near perfect. Like I said before, it's everything I imagine my future relationships to be like. However, it's also how I wish my father could have been to me, because my biology teacher, he is just like a dad. I don't know if it explains why I want to come out to him and tell him how I feel about him.
You shouldn't tell him. In any other case, I'd recommend the opposite, but in this case he literally cannot feel the same way, or engage with you in any way. Furthermore, if you tell him, he will have to pull away from you, since it's not only illegal to have romantic relationships with students under the age of majority, but schoolboards are verrrrrrrry wary of teachers getting to close to students, due to the modern pedophilia hysteria. If you express these feelings, he'll have to distance himself from you to avoid possible legal trouble. I'm sure he'd be kind about it, but he'd still be obligated to stop the infatuation. I don't entirely agree with what people have been telling you about love; it is true that teenagers are often prone to passing infatuations, based upon lust or illusory connections, but I'm sure your feelings are genuine. I just think that you don't understand the connection you have, and that you're reacting to someone showing some gentleness and kindness to you that you've never received elsewhere. It's normal to love someone in such a situation. However, it's clear that his relationship to you is a psuedo-mentor/fatherly one, and I believe that is what would be best. You can still be close to him, talk to him, etc, what I just believe would be inappropriate is any kind of physical relationship. But if you think about it, is that really what your feelings are about anyways? There are many kinds of love.
Thank you for being so understanding. Firstly I'd like to say: I am NOT after a relationship with him, I am fully aware of the consequences that it could bring, and I would do nothing that harms him or his career. In response to your last question, I just want him to be happy, just like he makes me happy. I want to take care of him, and really I long to live with him. That's hoe infeel, but I known I can't have that, which I would explain to him.
