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Desire to label ourselves.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by isobella, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. isobella

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    My mom says that the desire to label ourselves has gone too far, (not only in the LGBT community, but within society, even humanity, as a whole) that we're all individuals and we are who we are and that the need to put ourselves into specific categories or to boast about where we stand is ridiculous and has gone way too far. It causes problems, not only to ourselves, but as a society. It's practically the socially acceptable form of segregation!

    My compulsion to put labels onto myself feels like a very fundamental, core desire to take a position, in a way.. to contently fit into a group with other people alike.

    What are your takes on this dominating drive to feel belonging with labels?
     
  2. Incognito10

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    I don't like to label myself either. I don't tell people I am "gay." I just prefer to say I am with a guy. It is a much more subtle way to come out and I feel it doesn't draw as much attention to myself. Straight people don't have to come out or announce their "straightness."
     
  3. LionsAndShadows

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    Although I have thought of myself as a “gay man” for more thirty years I have never been comfortable with the label. It attraction to me is its convenience – “gay” is just a much nicer, easier word than “homosexual”. But, my being homosexual is a simple fact of who I am as a man, so why should I feel the need to label myself as different to any other man?

    Part of it is a need to accept and then declare with some defiant pride that I am a member of a minority that still faces discrimination. I think this is a legitimate need since, apart from the label, I have no other way of identifying myself as gay to others. It still takes confidence and guts to come-out as gay and using the label expresses solidarity with other gay people who share my life experience.

    The problem with labels, though, is that they are so often inspire stereotypical – and just plain wrong – interpretations. Most gay people know something straight people don’t know. That is that being gay does not mean that you behave or think in a certain ‘gay’ way or that you have certain ‘gay’ aspirations. We know that within the ‘community’ of gay people there is magnificent variety, but labelling ourselves is interpreted by so many in society as defining a common and stereotypical way of thinking, behaving and aspiring.

    So, labels are imperfect but I think they are, on balance, legitimate. The more different gay people who come-out as gay, the more we will diffuse society’s stereotyping.
     
  4. Pret Allez

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    In comparison to more direct causes of our societal problems, I think the desire to self-label ranks lower than whale shit.
     
  5. animequeen567

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    I feel like I have to label myself. I feel weird if I don't. I hate labels, but I just have to. I can't not label myself; it just feels wrong. I feel empty if I don't. That's how I honestly feel about labels. I know, I'm weird, I just don't know. It's a quirk.
     
  6. TroubledRyan

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    I agree with your mum. I loathe having to put a label on myself. While yes, some labels are good in certain situations; most the time I think they are a waste. It is just a reason to cause even more prejudice and cut one self of from other groups of people and stopping potential opportunities.
    You're a gay male? You can't be friends with that straight male! You're a nerd? Get the hell away from that jock.
    It is total horse shit.
    I'm myself, and I can stand to be around people who are branded with many different labels.
     
  7. pinklov3ly

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    I agree that using labels segregates us to a certain extent, but that's only if you allow them to. The gay community is invisible in my city, but it only remains that way because no one has the guts to stand up and change things. I would love to start an lgbt organization at the recreation near me, but I'm sure there would be a ton of opposition. There's actually a gay club right next to the recreation, so I know that I'll receive a lot of support. I guess all it takes is one person to make a difference.

    And I agree with TroubledRyan, it's the "heterosexuals" who don't want to be mistakenly labeled as gay/bisexual. Yet, we're the ones who are so worried about how others perceive us. I could care less, but labels matter to me, I'm not sure why though. I guess there is that subconscious need of wanting to belong, just like the kids who'd do anything to hangout with the jocks not wanting to be labeled as a nerd. I still get crap for the way I speak, I've been told that I talk proper. They say it like it's a bad thing, but meh whatever...I am who I me.
     
    #7 pinklov3ly, Jan 4, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2013
  8. awesomeyodais

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    I think there is for many people a need/desire to be part of something, of a group, not feel isolated. Labels can do that to an extent. They can also be a form of shorthand to quickly explain some aspects of you to others.

    Where it often goes wrong is that to give the beginning of an accurate description of someone you need MANY labels, because people are multi-dimensional - just saying you're a Yankees (or any other sports team) fan or a Little Monster or a Harvard graduate or a Republican only paints a small part of your picture.

    I've read the original post a few times, and the impression I get overall is that the mom is uncomfortable with some labels, while trying to put on an image of openness and acceptance. Sort of like Gays are ok as long as I don't see that flag anywhere.

    Labels also imply group or community, and numbers. The more people identify as a member of a group, the less and less that group seems like some insignificant minority, and can feel threatening to some.
     
  9. INTJ

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    If labels weren't used to demonize people, then labeling is by all means just fine. Identifying certain groups by slapping on a label makes navigating life that little bit easier.
     
  10. CinePhys

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    I really only think about labels in a practical point of view. It just helps.

    Other than that, meh.
     
  11. PurpleCrab

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    There's at least two ways to look at this:

    One way being that labels are an important key to communication because what are all the words in a dictionary but labels, at the end? The usage of labels may vary from very useful to at least simplifying our life.

    Another way though, sadly, is that the bad usage of labels can hurt people by spreading prejudice, ignorance and limitations.
    As an example, maybe your mom thought that by labeling yourself with your sexual orientation you would limit yourself to be only the very definition of your label, that is, passing opportunities to date men you could be happy with.
    I'm almost certain you mom meant well but her belief obviously comes from ignorance, maybe you should tell her that you're Kinsey 5 and what it means?

    Also, telling her that your sexual orientation doesn't define you; YOU define yourself, may help in her understanding and acceptance.
     
  12. Owen

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    I like labels. I like how they allow me to succinctly describe parts of myself without needing to resort to longer descriptions. I like being able to say, "I'm an atheist," instead of, "I don't believe in any of the Gods that have been purported to exist." I like being able to say, "I'm liberal," instead of, "I tend to side with progressive social stances and heavy government involvement in business matters." And I like being able to say, "I'm agender," instead of, "I don't feel a connection to gender, and I don't feel like I have one."

    Labels aren't the problem; we've been labeling things since we developed languange. The problem is in how people react to them. A lot of people in this thread have talked about labels being used to segregate us; I think that's a flaw in the way people use labels, not a problem with labels themselves. If you say you're gay and someone thinks that means that you "behave or think in a certain ‘gay’ way or that you have certain ‘gay’ aspirations," or that you "can't be friends with that straight male," that's not because labels are problematic. That's because the person saying those things is an asshole. And rather than us ceasing to use labels to try to stop people from being assholes to us, I think the onus is on those other people to stop being assholes.

    Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater is all I'm saying.
     
  13. Kay

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    Labels help us identify ourselves in the greater whole. I can tell people I am lesbian and they have an idea right off some of my attributes. Labels can also help us find out who we are. If I decide to label myself lesbian and discover I have other tastes and can't accept that label for myself. I can change it and know who I am more clearly.
     
  14. inthedark4eva

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    I personally hate labels.

    Each and every person in the world is unique. While we all share some common traits, we're all still unique individuals.

    I also think that labeling people sometimes limits on people.