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Another tale of confusion - Heteroromamtic homosexual etc.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by aterall, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. aterall

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    Hey everyone,
    I just found this website, and its officially the first forum I've signed up for to seek advice in (good job admins : P)
    Just recently I have been seriously considering my orientation. As it says in my profile, I'm 14. Let me get a few things cleared up first -

    At the moment, I have no idea what I am. Luckily enough, I live in a place/family that would be supportive and absolutely ok with me hypothetically identifying as gay. That isnt the issue here.

    As far as I can remember, I've been sexually attracted to men. Even when I was way younger I recall thinking things about men (obviously I didn't know what it meant). There is no doubt I'm sexually attracted to men; I have experimented before as well, and I definitely enjoyed it. However, I'm definitely not sure if I'm attracted emotionally. I've had girlfriends before, and one of my best friends is a girl, in whom I care a lot about. My issue is I don't want to come out as gay, turn out to be straight or bi, or start a commited relationship with a girl and then realize I'm gay or bi. Is it just some deep down homophobia?

    Maybe I just need to test the waters on the female side?

    EDIT: Definitely masculine, only attracted to masculine guys. No interest in feminine guys whatsoever. Maybe it's just the masculine aspect, as all of my friends that ate female are athletic/down to do 'boyish' things...
     
    #1 aterall, Jan 4, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2013
  2. TKM

    TKM
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    Hey, you know you don't have to "come out" immediately, it seems like your not to sure about yourself yet, which is fine, you don't HAVE to come out as anything really. I think you need to Just take your time to figure things out. Experiment a little. Also, if you end up in a committed relationship with a girl and realize your gay, what's the big deal, sure you might hurt her but in the end it would be better for the Both of you :slight_smile:. Best of luck!
     
  3. Sacha

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    This is something I here a lot. So much so that I have actually heard other men apart from yourself use the term "heteromantic". To be completely honest with you, I dont want to box you into a sexuality because we all are truly unique in our sexual preference... BUT normally, being "heteromantic" really means that you haven't found a man you're emotionally/physically attracted to YET. I think you would quickly learn that a relationship does require some sort of physical attraction and eventually sex. If you're not sexully attracted to women.. or not very much.. I'm telling you from experience (Because I was the same exact way you are right now) that you are probably gay yet just very close to the women in your life. You're capable of appreciating beauty in all it's forms.. but that doesnt mean that a relationship with a woman would be a healthy or a viable option for you.
    I think it would be safe for you to assume you're gay just from reading this and reading so many other posts on this forum written by guys in your/our exact same situation. That being said there really isn't anything wrong with testing the waters. Just dont get yourself so deep in a relaitionship that you feel you can't back out of it. (many men in your/our situation end up marrying women.. It works for a few years but in the end we desire men and it simply isnt fair to be with a woman and not be attracted to them)
     
    #3 Sacha, Jan 4, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2013
  4. Lance

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    It's pretty normal, especially when you're young and beginning to realize what your attractions truly are, that you are for sure sexually attracted to a certain sex, but can't really see yourself romantically with them. I know when I was young and still in denial, I didn't think I could be romantically attracted to guys, mostly because I did not want to be gay. After I finally accepted myself and started breaking down the walls that I had built up in my head against it, I began to see guys in a more romantic way as well. Cuddling, kissing, hugging, and ultimately allowing myself to love another guy became less foreign and more natural. It just takes some time and self-acceptance.
     
  5. aterall

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    Well it's safe to say I won't be coming out or identifying for at least the next 10 Years :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:.
    I'm just going to be testing the water until I'm sure