I'm in my 2nd year in college and I've never ever been in a relationship with anyone before.. I have dated guys in the past but whenever I feel like we're going to cross that relationship line, I always cut contact almost immediately. However, I've always felt attraction towards other girls but never acted on it. I mean, I flirt with girls but never notice it when they flirt back (I'm kinda dense, I mean one of my friends had to point it out to me once that someone I liked was hitting on me too! by then, it was too late). I think its mainly because of the uncertainty: are they gay or not? I've always imagined myself being with a girl, cooking for her, playing songs for her, etc. but I'm not even out. I don't know if I can tell any of my friends that I am gay, queer, or whatever because most of them are against lesbians (not ever really sure why...). Only very few people know of my attractions for girls because of this. Though, there IS this really cute barista at the cafe I frequent. I really really like her, want to be in a relationship with her, hug her, talk with her as much as I can, but I feel like I'm not even mature enough yet. Again, I'm not even sure if she's, y'know, attracted to girls. But a part of me wants to take that leap of faith for her too. I don't know... I guess, I'm not really sure what I am? And if I AM gay, how do you know someone else is? I'm really bad at rejection (which I know I have to get rid of.. I mean I only applied to colleges I know where I would DEFINITELY get in because that's how scared I am of rejection). I'm also very confused as to what to do if I do end up going out with another girl. Would I be a d***** and not come out, or come out? Argawoejdasd.
Welcome to EC! As I have said to other people before, it is hard to tell someone their sexuality. Though you may seem lesbian or bi to me, only you can figure it out. Take time, and soul search! It isn't that bad I swear! Now, coming out to your friends. You can do that in almost any way. Online, letter, text, face to face- each have their own quirks I guess. It seems you are more afraid of regection and losing friends then the actual coming out? You said your freinds seem anti-gay, but that can usually be changed depending on the level of your friendship vs their level of ignorance. For some people, when someone comes out it completly changed the friends out look on gay people. They realize that there friend is the same ole' friend they have always known and loved. For others, you are not so lucky. They think you will come onto them so they distance themself from you - not very good friends to begin with. If you really like this girl, talk with her. Chit chat, hold a conversation. Maybe flirt a little while holding the converation. If she seems interested, and enjoys talking with you, ask her if she would like to hang out. Of course I would probly talk to her a bit before asking that . Just a little bit of advice.
