I've skimmed the forums and found more than enough posts about being lonely and wanting a relationship, but they all seem to get the same responses: "It will happen eventually." "Find a hobby and you'll meet people with similar interests." etc. I'm 22 and just moved down to a rather small town to live with a couple of my friends. One friend I have known for years and lived with in the past, and the other is his boyfriend. We all get along but 95% of the time I feel jealous, as selfish as it seems. I am very happy for the both of them for being so lucky but there's always that part of me that dislikes them for having what I don't. I know this is a bad state of mind , but I don't let it get in the way of our friendship at all, nor do I express my jealousy outwardly. I had my first boyfriend when I was just under 18, and it lasted about 10 months. Unfortunately it was a 2-hours-away long distance relationship and a majority of the time was spent avoiding my friends because my boyfriend hated them. Not so great. Fast forward 4, almost 5, years. I have had no relationships since then, and have done two or three (very awkward, unenjoyable) hook-ups. I'm just not into random sex. What I want is to meet someone that shares my interests and that I find attractive and try a nice, slow relationship. But it seems all I can get are guys who want to fuck-and-run online. Which isn't surprising. Now my issue with the responses I see people give is they always say "just live life, you'll find someone eventually", but that isn't going to work for me. Living life for me means waking up, watching tv or playing games all day, sleeping, repeat. I don't have the money to go out to bars and my hobbies and interests are very much at-home things. So what can I do to attract the attention of someone like me? Is it even possible? I'm sorry for the length of this post but I'm just incredibly frustrated with how things are going and just needed to vent and see what people had to say. Thanks, Zach
Hi, Why has nobody addressed this niche market? I am not talking swingers weekends, I am talking about retreats, weekends, resorts, matching services, even cruises that service this niche market of shy, lonely, Gay men seeking long term relationships? (No cruisers need apply) There is obviously a market and the market's only interest to to meet others of similar goals in long term relationships. I know these types of events would be pummelled by one night standers but there must be ways of filtering those people out to some extent. That cruising market gets serviced regularly in many ways anyway (no pun intended). Would you, the lonely, shy, gay male take advantage of a service that simply catered bringing like minded people together for long term relationships? So why doesn't somebody do it? Stuck
Someone on Tumblr once said that dating as a gay person is like looking for a job: you need to either be referred by someone or do it online. And it doesn't sound like that first one is going to work particularly well for you in your current predicament, so that leaves the second one. I know you said you've only found people from the hit-and-run crowd online, but that's probably just a matter of looking at the wrong websites. There are dating sites out there where people really are looking for something long-term, and I know of quite a few people who found their current partners, same-sex or otherwise, on one of those sites. That said, online dating isn't your only option; in fact, I wouldn't even say it's your best option. It's still possible for you to meet other people looking for a nice, slow relationship, but there's a catch: you're not going to get different results by doing the same thing. You said that living life for you means waking up, watching tv or playing games all day, sleeping, repeat. That might be what makes you happy, but it's not going to get you a boyfriend. Is that fair? Maybe, maybe not. But that's the truth, and I'd be doing you a disservice to tell you otherwise. So if you want different results from the results you've been getting (i.e. not having anyone to date), you've got to do something different from what you've been doing. That might mean finding a new hobby that gets you out of the house. That might mean driving to or taking public transportation to a bigger city with some groups that are relevant to your interests (maybe a gaming group, or a group dedicated to the aforementioned new hobby, or a gay group of some kind). You don't have to go out to bars, but you're not doing yourself any favors by staying at home in all your free time. Try going for walks along local trails, or going to the park, or seeing if there are any free shows in town. In short, you'll probably need to change what you consider "living life" if you want to meet someone face-to-face (rather than using online dating). You'll need to get out more. You might say, "But that's not who I am, and I want a guy to like me for me." That would be nice, sure, but how do you expect this hypothetical guy to meet you if you're staying in the house all day? He can't (unless you try online dating). These things might be outside of your comfort zone, but if there were available men in your comfort zone, you wouldn't be posting this thread. Plus, getting out of the house and trying some new hobbies will have another benefit: you'll have something to talk about on a first date. You can be a nice person with a lot to offer a guy, but if you want a guy to stick around to see that, you'll have to draw him in with conversation, and most first-date conversations generally center around the question of, "What do you do?" So what do you do? Are you going to school? Working a job? Volunteering somewhere? If you're drawing a blank on that question, finding a way to answer it is a good first step. Going to school, getting a job, or volunteering are good ideas for many reasons: they'll give you something to talk to people about when they ask you, "So what do you do?"; they'll boost your confidence because you'll be out there accomplishing things and/or making a difference in the world; and they'll help you meet people. TL;DR: You're going to need to get out of the house to meet people.
