how to tell people my mom is dead?

It happens to me too all the time, and it's really awkward and always has been and my father died 12 years ago, usually if it comes up like "do you like your dad, your always talking about your mom" I say oh he died a while ago, it's awkward especially when they feel like they have to make you feel better, but it saves that even more awkward moment when you have to tell someone your parent is dead even though you basically said they were alive. What I would do is maybe just text her if you don't want to tell her in person, say like, remember the other day when you asked... Well I just wanted to give you like a heads up my mother passed away, and explain to her why you felt awkward.

 

Just tell people you're not in contact? It's true in a way

 

It's perfectly understandable. You want to avoid the questions because they bring back memories and the pain, which you still feel. I think it would be best for you if you told your friend who does know to explain to the one(s) that ask about your mother. That way you won't have to do it everytime and your friends will understand.

I hope you're okay though, and one day you'll be able to talk about your mother with ease and comfort.

 

Agreed, just tell your friend to like bring it up with your other friend

 

It's a natural reaction for people to respond in such way...
I'm sorry that it is awkward for both sides but it's just one of those things...

I would suggest maybe responding with all the answers at once and then maybe flipping the question on them, like; *using casual tone*
"yeah, actually she died a few years ago but we were sorta close. Do you like yours?"

I think if you were to use just a, relaxed, im-okay-with-it tone then maybe it would make the conversation a little less awkward...

If you really don't want to tell her in person, I would suggest having your friend tell the other or texting her and letting her know...

 

If you practice, you'll get used to telling people. If you don't want to deal with the questions, just say "I don't really want to talk about it" or change the subject - like Fate said, just ask them about themselves so the conversation has somewhere comfortable to go.

The only thing that can be hard, is people sometimes don't remember. I have a friend who's dad died, and it is hard for him to say it. But he is really softspoken, so when he gets up the courage it is a huge deal to him, but sometimes people forget and mention his "parents" or dad again, and he gets really upset. It's not because they mean to be selfish, but young people are kind of self-absorbed and don't know how to react to this stuff.

I have not had any contact with any of my family because they were extremely abusive for 15 years. I don't mind being abrupt, so people will remember and not ask me about it again. I have constant small-talk questions to deal with "Are you going to spend the holidays with your family?" "Are you doing anything for Mother's Day?" "I bet your parents were proud!" "Do you have siblings?" I hate these questions, because remembering my family and what happened hurts, and then I feel sad and really awkward when it is these people who asked thoughtless questions.

And of course, they didn't mean anything, they're just trying to be friendly, like in the office. But it's always in a crowd, and then I feel like a freak being negative. But I say it anyway - "I don't have any contact with my family, they were very abusive." It abruptly ends the conversation, but I feel like it does good to make others aware of a serious and silent epidemic, that abuse happens to so many and that it has long-term consequences, and it's really not ok. And also to be aware that not every person's family situation is the same. Sometimes that makes others more comfortable, because they'll say "Yeah, I don't talk to my dad." Or "I hate my family." Or "My mom died two years ago, so I'm not doing anything either." It's actually more common to NOT have a totally together, happy, all-living and healthy family, than it is to have one. And the sooner people understand this, the better.

It's really hard growing up without your mom. My mom had Stage 4 cancer for several years when I was a kid during which I pretty much never saw her and people were always telling me she was going to die. Then she miraculously recovered but the radiation to her head changed her personality and erased a lot of her memory, so I lost my mom anyway. Her best friend who was like my second mom and was our neighbor, had cancer 4 times and then died, leaving a son who was 8 and a daughter who was 10. It was hard for them growing up without a mom too, and I was mad at my mom for not helping but she had no maternal instinct whatsoever and wasn't even a mom to us, so I guess I expected too much. Their dad was really uncomfortable with emotions, and was kind of a jerk, so only 3 months after she died he started bringing girlfriends home. It was really hard for her kids, because they were not really supported in feeling anything.

You have to know, you're really not alone. There are more kids with an ailing, missing, or dead parent than you realize, because no one wants to talk about it. You may not be into this, but in some schools students have started a 'kids with parents who have passed' support group, that meets with a teacher or counselor overseeing after school. It can really help to see that you're not alone, and to relate to each other about the ways it affects you. If there aren't enough kids after you advertise around the school, you can have more people join if you leave it open to anyone dealing with not having two parents - a lot of the feelings are the same if a parent walked out, was never there, or passed away. But you should have an adult, preferably a counselor run it, because it's important of course to have ground rules and not have too worry that what you talk about will be spread around school. Not every school would be open to it, and maybe you don't want to do that, but it has been successful in places that have had it. My school could certainly have benefited, there were a number of kids in my school who lost parents while we were growing up, and a whole lot more who lost parents not to death but to other circumstances.