Every week I go to a free yoga class. There's this guy in the class who asked me out a few months ago and I told him I was flattered, but I'm only interested in dating women. He said that was cool, and asked if I'd be interested in grabbing coffee as friends sometime. At the time I hadn't detected any weirdness, so I agreed and we exchanged contact info. About a week later he emailed me saying he respected my sexual preference and included an article he wrote on a condition he has (synesthesia). I got busy and never responded, but apologized the next time I saw him. Then I started getting vibes from him that he was still interested. I have not responded to any of his subsequent texts or emails, but I also haven't been blunt about not wanting to get coffee with him. I know that I should just be blunt, but I don't want to hurt his feelings too bad since I have to see him almost every week in class. He has given me prints of some of his artwork, hugs me every time I walk into class, and still is trying to make the coffee date. What is a nice way I can say that I am not interested in meeting up outside of class anymore? I have begun to feel apprehensive about going to class because I feel vaguely uncomfortable when he is in the same room as I can often feel him looking at me and he comes over to my mat before and after class for hugs.
He's still after you IMO. It is possible for guys not to hit on female friends, but trying to push the coffee thing? He's testing to see if you'll date him anyway. It's possible to respectfully decline any of his offers.
I think you could say something like "I'm sorry, I just don't feel comfortable, and besides my schedule is really busy, so I'm not even able to spend time with my existing friends." Some people don't "get it" no matter what... so if that doesn't work, you may have to go with the "What part of "I'm not interested" do you not understand?"
No means no. Sometimes you need to say no more than once. You should also reiterate that you are only interested in women for dating purposes. Good luck with this. Hugs
You could just tell a white lie and say that you can't meet him for coffee because you have to go see your girlfriend. Or something to that extent.
Well not to be rude or anything but would it really kill you to go out for coffee as friends like he has implied and then if he tries to make a move or ask you out you simply decline and tell him if he has been the way he has under false pretenses just so you could go out with him tell him you don't want him around you anymore and to leave you alone, that should get rid of him but it could also be that this guy is lonely wants to make friends but he's too awkward about it and you could end up damaging the guy.
Is there no way to tell him that you are cautious about meeting up outside of class as you do not want to lead him on in anyway? He may be lonely, but if you feel uncomfortable you feel uncomfortable and you should explain to him that you are not comfortable with a friendship outside of yoga class at this moment in time. Does the amount of attention he is paying you make you uncomfortable? Then you can kindly inform him that you are not used to that sort of attention and it makes you uncomfortable. I have had to tell a few men who have become quite huggy/insistent about meeting up for drinks that rightly or wrongly I would be much more comfortable if they scaled back the hugs and we kept our friendship to the activity we were mutually involved in for the time being. I normally put it down to poor past experiences and it's usually met with a positive response. Or laughter as they explain that whilst they understand my concerns they've moved on from their affections for me a long time ago. Just be honest.
I guess I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt but you do have a point, honesty is the best police.
Thank you all for your advise. Thanks Chip, I am definitely going to use this line. Shovelman: Thanks for the alternate perspective, but I've been in similar situations before that have ended poorly when I fight my gut and just try to be nice. I will keep in mind that he may just be lonely, though. This is dead-on! He wasn't in class yesterday, so I'll see how this goes next week. Thanks to everyone
