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Gay but don't like sex

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gingabyte, Jan 5, 2013.

  1. gingabyte

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    I'm currently 23 but have known I'm gay since I was about 15. I like men 100% and have no attraction to women. I like watching gay porn and 'having fun' with myself but when it comes to actually doing it with other men I either don't like it or it does nothing for me

    I don't want to go into detail on what I have tried and what I do/don't like but most things I find either unsatisfying, a turn off or completely gross. For example I don't like the 'taste' of a guys :***: in my mouth etc but in porn it turns me on.

    Part of me would like a boyfriend but whats the likelihood of finding someone who doesn't mind doing very little in the bedroom? The other part is happy to stay single my whole life and just doing things myself when needed. I do actually live with someone else who doesn't seem to be bothered by finding a partner which is good as that means there is no pressure there.

    Does anyone else have these feelings or have any advise?

    Thanks
     
  2. Niqk

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    That could turn out into twenty possibilities of what you're referring to :dry:

    I'm sure there are other people who wouldn't enjoy sex. Sex is just a noisy and messy way that couples use to show that they love each other. Try finding another substitute that might work.
     
  3. Ashton

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    Homoromantic?
     
  4. gingabyte

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    I thought that but when I'm watching porn I really want to do it for really but when it actual happens I don't like it
     
  5. ForceAndVerve

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    Well I have yet to do anything with another guy so for all I know I could be just like you lol. I enjoy porn loads and really wanna do that stuff with another guy (ie boyfriend)

    I just can't imagine not enjoying the real thing. The thought of enjoying the actual act has never come into my mind. I just always assumed I would, very much so.

    If your referring to cum or dick then I don't think that's uncommon. And I guess it also varies from guy to guy so I don't see that as an issue.
     
  6. MrPotato

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    maybe you're expecting too much when you do actually have sex with a guy.

    the most important thing i've lernt in my life is to never expect anything.
     
  7. Tiny Catastrophe

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    Could you just be nervous? I know that the first few girls I tried doing things with I was either nervous or just wasn't into it at all with those specific people. With my girlfriend now, it's completely different and I feel comfortable with her and not nervous anymore (although there are still a lot of things I don't feel comfortable doing). So maybe it's a matter of finding the right guy for you and figuring out what you're comfortable with.
     
  8. shovelman

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    Well just remember that sex isn't all a relationship is about.
     
  9. isobella

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    Don't worry, it's okay!
    I hate sex.

    Well, I've only ever had 'straight' sex, and I'm clearly not straight. :eusa_doh:
    Perhaps that was why.

    Think of it another way - at least you're not promiscuous and contracting STD's everywhere!
     
  10. Yoshi02

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    You may have a low sex drive. It's worth seeing doctor if you think that might be the case.

    But really there may be some psychological barrier holding you back. If you see a therapist perhaps you can work through this to where you can try new things until you find something you do enjoy.

    Or perhaps you really aren't interested in sex. In this case your best bet is to find someone who understands and can work with you on that.
     
  11. Alexander69

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    Ok I'm still a virgin but I can see where I are coming from! I'm happy I'm not alone here. When I watch porn I'm like that's so sexy bla bla bla and I'd do that but once I think in reality Im like I can please myself just as much as anyone else can. I'm not stung I won't ever have sex. But the thing for me is that the guys in porn are so sexy that they turn me on but I rarely see guys that I go "I want to have sex with you" an maybe it's the same for you? I'm getting better I have high standards and I'm trying to lower them and become attracted to the "person" not just there body or looks.
     
  12. curlycats

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  13. Iamthewalrus

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    You sound a lot like me a few years back, minus the porn part because for me I found it quite amusing which was an interesting issue in itself but I digress. I remained a virgin until I started a relationship with my boyfriend when I was 22, up until that point I had an interest in sex, but that never extended to me having sex. I could have lost my virginity on many occasions at uni, but when the opportunity came up I found myself completely repulsed by the idea. Luckily I had gone through years and years of self development by that point or I think I would have started to doubt that I really liked boys on any level. So then I met my boyfriend and when it came to it, being intimate with him felt like a natural continuation of all that we'd shared up to that point.

    So I guess my message to you is that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and valid, you may find that you end up like me and you enjoy sex once you have found someone you love to do it with, you may find someone you love and still not want sex with them and that's okay too. You will probably find it harder to meet someone but I definitely think it's possible.
     
    #13 Iamthewalrus, Jan 6, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2013
  14. BoiGeorge

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    Sex scares the hell out of me! Im not mature enough to handle a sexual relationship at this stage so for the meantime, I am enjoying romantic relationships without sex. Maybe this is worth a try??
     
  15. skiff

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    Hi,

    I only have one comment on porn...

    Porn can establish false expectations that are deeply entrained.

    Like it or not porn is Hollywood fantasy.

    The guys are specially selected for their bodies. There are drugs used to prolong encounters there are drugs used to engorge the penis. There are "fluffers" on the sidelines who's whole job is to keep the "actors" excited between shots.

    Porn is a fiction through and through.

    If you start believing movie fantasy is reality you are screwed unless you hire a cast and crew but then that destroys the illusion.

    Porn is illusion.

    Stuck
     
  16. Motov

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    I for 1 will not do anal,...period,...it is a total turn off for me. oral play is fine.
    For you I suggest body massages, mutual touching, maybe you and your partner exchange hand jobs? Would that work for you? At least it is a start.
     
  17. alberz

    alberz Guest

    Have you thought about what you expect from sex? I like sex, at least straight sex (the only kind I’ve tried), but the major difference between it and wanking to porn/fantasies is sharing an experience with someone I care about, and knowing that we’re making each other feel good. For me, that’s where the ‘magic’ is.

    The physical side of sex doesn’t really seem very different to wanking etc., so having sex a lot isn’t important to me (but I don’t object to it either). That’s why I’ve never been able to fully understand why people like casual sex, or why anyone would cheat on a partner they love. Spending time together is important, but not to the point of excluding other people/activities, or crowding out time alone (which I absolutely need).

    As for finding someone else who doesn’t want to have sex all the time, I don’t think it should be that hard. It will also become less important with age. Personally, if I fell in love with someone who didn’t want to have sex much, I’d probably be alright with it, as long as I could be sure that the attraction was really mutual.

    ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2013 at 12:59 PM ----------

    Actually, come to think of it, there’s a guy friend I’ve got a huge attraction to, mostly emotional but including a sexual part. I’m happy just being friends with him, and spending time together when we can. However, if he said he wanted to be more than friends, but never do anything sexual, I honestly think I’d be over the moon. So, for me, I think even a no-sex relationship could work. I’m sure there are others who feel the same way, so don’t give up. (*hug*)
     
  18. Rexmond

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    @Stuck, I didn't know that and that's pretty unfortunate. I kind of expected my sex experiences to be similar. It's thanks to porn that I look forward to having sex so much. I've also read a few of other people's sex experiences with older men, and they described it just as I imagined it.

    I could imagine me being so nervous the first time, which is why I plan to be in a relationship for a considerable amount of time before actually having sex.
     
  19. gingabyte

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    Its not that I don't want sex full stop, when watching porn i really want it for real and when I get with someone i find the actual act off putting. I Do have ocd which a while ago was bad with cleaning so I guess I might be to do with that
     
  20. Revan

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    You'd be surprised how often this happens to people, gay or straight. I honestly would say just wait it out, keep trying but don't force yourself into situations just to try and change your attitude about it. You may just find you won't really like it until you're in a really committed relationship, sometimes all it takes is the right guy.