Hey everybody, I'm new to this site and I would like to start by introducing myself. English is not my main language so you may spot some typos and such. I'm currently 19 years old and last year I kind of accepted myself. I say "kind of" because sometimes I don't actually feel like I have, since I keep lying to other people, my parents for example. I'm in a difficult phase of my life when I want to start coming out to more people. I have with one friend, she was very supportive, although she was a little shocked and I waited like 2 days to talk about it again (I'm not completely comfortable talking about it yet). She said that she would've never imagined, since I'm not feminine and stuff (which I find a very stupid stereotype). She isn't of much help actually, she is a great friend, but most like someone close I needed to know or at least hear me out. The tough part, as often, is about my parents. They are great parents, seriously, they have been very supportive all my life and I've always been a good son, never getting in trouble and getting good grades, etc. My family have had some problems in the past, like my dad cheating on my mom and I used to be very quiet and somewhat shy, my mother blames our family problems. Now I'm more "normal". I once though I love a girl in junior high school, but it didn't last when I found out she liked someone else, lol. It wasn't hard on me, probably because I didn't love her actually. Back to the point. My dad is homophobic, yesterday we saw a movie and there were a homosexual couple. When they kissed, my dad groaned. It was just a kiss, they didn't even make love or something. They showed some love, just a kiss. Of course there were sex scenes between man and woman but that wouldn't be an issue at all for him. He is a great dad, but I know he wouldn't be proud of me in any way if he knew his son was gay. He has questioned me if I like girls. He is suspicious because I've never told him of any crush or girlfriend or talked about anybody in front of me. He always ask me in front of other people, as if it would be easier that way or what? What I find interesting is that he's never asked me if I am gay, he asks if I like girls, then I answer that I do (hey, I like them, but not that way ) and he says "Ok, just to clarify". I can say my mom is not homophobic, but she is a gossip mom. Those kind of mom I find dangerous, because I've never been able to have her keep a secret for me. She just goes to one member of the family (grandma, uncle, whatever) and tells them (it's not like I tell her to keep the secret and she doesn't, but I don't find that necessary, it's common sense). I've tested her, but she has failed over and over again, so if I'm not ready to come out, she is not the option. She has been asking me what's wrong since if (on purpose) been depressed, but she asks the wrong questions, like "Is someone bullying you?", "Do you have problems at school?", "Do you need money?". Do you think I'm a coward by keeping all to myself? I've always done that...what should I do? I know that if I come out they would eventually get used to it (not completely), but I don't want them to treat me any different, at least not yet. We are going through some financial issues, so I don't wanna worry them. Sorry for the long post, I hope you find the time to read it and drop your opinion Thanks in advance.
Think about the reasons you would want to come out to them and then think about how comfortable you really are about telling them but also make sure that your safety isn't put in jeopardy if you do come out. There will be questions when ever you decide to come out so also think of the best way to come out to your parents and perhaps telling other people you're close to before telling parents. Idk there's a few things you kind of have to think about before you make such a move unless you feel comfortable and confident enough to take plunge and tell your parents that you're gay. Good luck and try not to be to hasty really take your time to become comfortable about the situation.
Wow, some parts of your story sound a lot like my life too! You're not being a coward by keeping these feelings to yourself. Coming out is a difficult process and it's even harder for some people like you and me who have parents that show disgust in homosexuality. Don't feel forced to tell your parents until you feel that you are ready. For me, I'm not going to come out to my parents until I'm financially independent and have moved out of the house; I'm pretty sure it would affect life at home so I don't want to be living here when they're still coming to terms with it. I hope that helps!
Hi there, It sounds to me like you have accepted yourself. That is probably the hardest step in the whole coming out process. So, congratulations on that. I too have just started coming out. It is very difficult. Are there any support groups near you? At school maybe, or in the community? The first step I am taking is reaching out to the LGBTQ community at the university where I work. I am hoping to make some new friends and meet other people like me. I think that will increase my comfort level with being gay and boost my confidence. Maybe something like that might help you. I also have a great family, and I hate keeping this secret from them, but now is not the time for me to tell them. While it makes me sad that they don't know this important thing about me it would cause them too much grief at this time. I hope to be able to do it some time later this year, but I have no concrete time table. You are not a coward. You will know when the time is right.
Hi fellow gays/guys!.. Just browsing the net, then suddenly come across with this site.. and now im a newbie here. Im 32 gay working in a local healthcare institution.. Im married with no kids.. Im about to go out of the closet but i dont know where and how to start... I want to be myself,, To be free without anything to hide.. Just wondering how will my family, frends and my wife react on this? Please help me... Thank you! :bang: :bang: :bang:
Well you could probably guess how those in your life would react better than we could. Have the important people in your life giving you and indication about how they feel about gay people? Imagine some might be surprised. In the case of your spouse they'll probably be hurt. But if this is who you are better to experience the pain now so you can move on to where you need to be rather than waiting and wasting time.
Thanks...English is not our language so sorry for the grammar. Actually this is really me.. I really wish everything will go smoothly.. Actually my mother knows that im gay.. I was on the closet for almost 20 years, its because of my brothers.. They actually hate gays... I already committed suicide Drug overdose.. Unfortunately no success.. Im thinking again to end my life.. :bang: :bang: :bang:
Well don't do that. Is there anyone you can talk to? Could you maybe see a therapist or is there an emergency number you could call? I know this thing can be stressful but there is no reason to end your life like that. It will devastate your loved ones. I had a family member commit suicide and the family has not been the same since. Please try and get help. Things do get better if you work at it in time.
Well don't do that. Is there anyone you can talk to? Could you maybe see a therapist or is there an emergency number you could call? I know this thing can be stressful but there is no reason to end your life like that. It will devastate your loved ones. I had a family member commit suicide and the family has not been the same since. Please try and get help. Things do get better if you work at it in time.[/QUOTE] Thank you yosh!! I'll keep that in mind really!! I really wanna do things on my own.. I see gay people and they happy with there life.. I envy them.. The only outlet i have are beers, whisky. I drink and get drunk every night just to forget my situation.. I sometimes regret that im here in this cruel world. I hate myself a lot.
Hey I enjoy a good whiskey too. Just don't let it become a problem, ok? Just remember that everyone has tough stuff to go through, even plain ol' straight people. This will pass eventually, especially if you reach out and get some help. Don't give up!
