I guess I'll start this by saying I like to think of myself as a tough, independent teen. The manly sort of person. Even at the age of 17 I have what would be commonly called a beard (goatee), I have a hairy chest (and everywhere else for that matter), I am physically strong and mature both mentally and physically. I'd like to think of myself as the sort that'd never cry for anything, But that's not strictly true - A façade. I've been feeling really rather down and out recently and generally depressed. The good news is I know the cause of this and it's nothing psychological. The bad news is nothing can remedy the situation I currently find myself in. The cause of my current feelings are as follows, as far as I can tell; I recently found that one of my friends, lets call him W, is gay after telling him I am gay. Great? yeah. Because I'm out to pretty much everyone he basically confided to me that he was pretty much head-over-heals in love with this guy, a friend of his but was near-terrified of coming out to him (not even telling him he had feelings for him). I said it's nearly never as bad as you think and basically said "Go for it". On facebook he essentially sent the message "He took it well, and he acts like your mate - thanks for being so supportive!" (My mate, lets call him M, sends me kisses via text and strokes my leg despite knowing I'm gay and that I have an 'affection' for him). Great! Looks like I gave someone decent advice!. I find out after trying to confide in my friend, W, about my second problem I will post about that W's 'friend' blocked W from all communication some days after and this tore him apart. Needless to say I tried to apologise. He said "It's fine, I was the one that took your advice" which you can only read in one way when you're feeling bad about something else - "YOUR ADVICE". "****ing hell, James, Well done you idiot! You've gone and ruined this guys friendship because you thought that it'd be fine!" is basically how I'm feeling about that. Does anyone else just seem to get the feeling they're making a bout of bad decisions at a point in their lives? Like 1 after another. I seem to be going through something like that at this point, maybe I should just keep my head down whilst apologising to W a thousand times a day. My second problem is about M. I love him as I mentioned before. He's straight (as they usually are, I might add). I have a deep affection for him that runs right through me and I'd do anything for him. We go shopping together, We sit together (with others) in the school canteen. We share interests in music, food, clothing, sports (that is to say, we don't like it) I feel I can tell him things I wouldn't dare tell my mother or father - for example I confided in him that I used to self harm and have attempted suicide before (this was a long time ago and it's fine - you need not worry about this!) on our way back from a disco (he drives and gave me a lift to my house). He's just the most caring person I've ever met (outside of family) and I just want to be with him for as long as possible when we meet up. I want to hug him right now, as I'm typing this! :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang: But for all that. I would never, ever approach him for any kind of 'real' love, as not only (as I have already mentioned) is he straight and I respect that in both its futility and inappropriateness, but I also don't want to lose him or push him away from me. He knows I like him in a " 'slightly' more that a friend" kind of way and is still there for me, something I know I am unbelievably lucky for, but I like him more than that. He has a girlfriend (which I am totally cool with and wouldn't dream of ruining it - I was thinking what I'd say if she asked what I thought about M - "You've got a real gem so keep him shining" and all that lovey-dovey crap which I actually believe :dry and because I love him so much, I'd much rather him have said girlfriend (she's really nice too ). I really do care about him more than I have done anything or anyone else (again, outside of family). As I also mentions, He strokes my leg. He puckers his lips inches from my face, teasing me (in a nice way) but I don't go for it because that would ruin everything and I couldn't bare that. We were at the Cinema watching the Hobbit and he'd already seen it so whenever a 'memorable' scene came about and look at me and mouthed the would-be-famous line. I had to use every fibre of my being not to let on I REALLY wanted to just kiss him half way through the movie. I want to buy him things and make him happy but I have this idea in the back of my mind that it would be weird. I bought him a band merchandise hoodie of a band we both liked and he messaged me saying he was wearing it and it was really good which needless to say lifted my spirits to no end. I really just want advice on how to just remain the very best of friends without it getting awkward or weird really. Just to clarify from reading this last part back - He's straight, knowing that I'm gay and that I have affections for him and still acts the way he does around me. I want to buy him stuff if anything as a sign of gratitude. :icon_redf I'd never take it further out of respect and fear essentially and I think he knows this, I'm not sure. I want my relationship with M to remain the same whilst curing this love sickness. What to do, I wonder, what to do... With all this going on, I sometimes find myself randomly pooling all of this and being on the verge of shedding tears. My life is pretty good all in all and I feel silly for feeling like I do, but I just get depressed with this situation. Sorry for the long post. Hope it's a good read if nothing else. Good to vent, I suppose.
I can't imagine how hard this must be for you but you also have to be honest if having your friend act the way he does, you know the lips and leg thing, and him knowing the way you feel about him then maybe you should let him know that it puts you at uneasy situation and that if he could tone that a little or just stop because you're feelings get hurt to some degree it could help you overcome those feelings that you have for him and try to focus them on someone else who you actually have a shot at a relationship. This is just a suggestion so try not to read too much into it if you don't agree but I just thought I put it out there :/
I agree with shovelman - you have the right to ask him not to do that kind of thing if it's making you uncomfortable (or, at least, drumming up feelings that you know you can't satisfy). Another thing about that - does his girlfriend know how he acts around you? If so, does she, or would she, mind? I know if I were in her shoes, and my boyfriend was hanging out with someone and rubbing his leg all the time, I'd at least feel awkward about it. As for the other situation - don't beat yourself up too much. Your friend has the right of it - he's the one who decided to act on your advice. He's just taking responsibility for making his own decision, it's a good thing.
Without patronising you, you do sound very mature for your age. I would think your a very very good friend to have. With regard to "W" I guess the onyl thing you can do is be more cautious when issuing advice. If it were me, I would have told him maybe all the options, and I DEFINITLEY would have given him a vocal disclaimer that anything could happen and his friend's reaction could be good or bad and to take my advice with a pinch of salt. I guess it's just a shame his friend took it so badly...not really your fault though. With regards to your crush, "M", I really don't see there being any problem with you being a doting friend. I mean your perfectly aware that he is out of bounds so I don't see the issue. Just be careful not to tread on his girlfriends toes if you know what I mean. And if the puckering up is really starting to get to you and your afraid you might slip and try to make a move on him one of these days, you better tell him to stop it. Warn him that if he keeps doing it, you'll plant a big sloppy one on him LOL. Although, I have a slight hunch that he probably wouldn't hate you for doing so lol. Damn I'm slightly jealous of your friendship with him. :lol:
Thanks guys, this has really helped. It always seems so obvious but you need someone else to get you thinking about it. With regards to W, I suppose it can't be helped and I should maybe just wait for it to blow over. With regards to M, I do care for him and that also means his happiness. He is out-of-bounds. I've known this pretty much since I met him 3 or 4 years ago. I'd never dream of ruining what he has or what his girlfriend has for that matter and you and her both need not fear I won't do anything silly. In terms of the suggestive actions - We both know he's only messing. I think his girlfriend knows we have a 'special' relationship or that we're at least very close, but she also knows He loves her and it's nothing serious. Everything between her, him and I is relaxed and jovial. I think asking him to stop would make it awkward and I don't want that. It's a difficult decision but I suppose it's one that doesn't even have to be made. Oh well. Another thing to note, maybe, he doesn't mind talking about matters of sexuality. He's comfortable and at ease with both his and mine so much so that we actually talked on the bus about it on the way shopping (It was a fairly packed bus), he said that his mother asked if I had a girlfriend he replied "He's not the kind of guy that would have a girlfriend..." "Oh? Why's that? He's not shy or anything, he seems really nice and polite!" "No, mum, he's gay? (sarcasm, as teens usually act towards their mothers )" "Oh, he doesn't seem like the type to be gay" His mother's reaction may explain why he's cool with pretty much everything about me. - I don't mind either, by the way - This being said, I suppose it's wise just to leave it at that and although I may make hints at my affection for him, that'll do. I would like to reiterate that he knows I like him and (rightfully) knows I value him above all other friends and as such wouldn't sacrifice our friendship over anything. Still, would be nice though
