So I recently outed myself on Facebook via a rather lengthy and fairly comprehensive post and, overall the reaction has been extremely positive. Unfortunately the other day I started receiving private messages via Facebook from a friend and coworker. Not hateful messages messages exactly, just messages telling me I need God, and he'll "fix" me and that sort of spiel, and that she cares about me. I know she thinks she's doing this from a place of love and, in every other respect, she's one of the nicest ladies I know, but I'm not going to continue to put up with her "crusading" on my behalf. I suppose the easiest way to show you is to post her message and my response: Coworker: you KNOW how much I love you! I never saw anything in you besides a great MAN! You are fun and funny and a joy to be around. I remember thinking there was no way I could go work on the registers without you nearby. I never thought you were feminine in ANY way. I never thought you were gay! The only thing I DID see was depression once in a while which can hit any of us at times when we don't have Jesus in our lives. One thing I do know is that God Himself created you as a man and He does not make mistakes...that is exactly what He wants you to be. My response: I love you to death, I do, but no. The "little bouts of depression" you saw in me were barely the tip of the iceberg. I was almost suicidal over this for nearly a third of my life because of the disconnect I felt with the rest of the world. That has never gone away. I wake up everyday feeling fundamentally wrong, separate from this life. For the past twenty years, the only thing that's gotten me out of bed is sheer routine. There's been no motivation whatsoever ever. My body is wrong for my brain. That's the way it is. I've always known. This isn't new and its not something I enter into lightly. As for God, I was raised Christian and I believed, trust me I did. Maybe I still even do. I spent years praying for him to fix me growing up, to take that disconnect away. The fact that it never went away means one of three things to me: He's not there, He doesn't care, or this is what I was meant for. Nobody suspected. Not one person I've told has been like, I knew it! It's because when I figured out what was up with me I made it my life's mission to keep it from the world. I can't do it anymore. I'm so very tired and I need to do what's right for me. Do you know how many Transgender people commit suicide because the don't deal with this? Five, maybe ten more years down the line that will be me if I let this go. I'm certain of that. This isn't a mental condition. The brain is physically female in major respects. The info, verified by several separate studies over the last decade is out there. I understand that this is coming from a place of love and concern, but my mind is made up. Since taking steps to deal with this I'm genuinely happy and even traveling toward contentment with myself for the first time in my life. I don't hate and loath myself the way I have my entire life. I understand if you'd rather not associate with me anymore because of this. I respect your viewpoint and perspective and appreciate the fact that you respected me enough to tell me how you feel. As I said nothing is changing though. It's either follow this path that's taking me out of this emotional darkness, or suffer through another decade of misery before giving up. If you can't support me in this, I'm saddened, but I understand and I wish you no ill will. First of all, I'm wondering if my response seemed fair and reasonable in regards to her message. Do you think I handled that well. Secondly, because she responded again and this time sent me a link to some Christian video, has anybody out there ever had experience in reasoning with an extremely conservative Christian with these view points and gotten them to stop turning you into their personal mission? In every other respect, she's one of the nicest people I know and she's always been kind to me. Honestly, her message wasn't even really "mean", just wrong. If I have to walk away from her, that's what I have to do, but its not normally the type of person I am.
That was handled beautifully. Much more grace than I would have mustered for sure. I really can't give any advice. All that's needed here is a good :eusa_clap I don't see why being trans is incompatible with conservative beliefs. Perhaps it isn't a "mistake" by God so much as an opportunity to test you and lead you on your intended path? We all need a way to grow stronger, and contending with a fairly mountainous problem like having the wrong gendered body is certainly a way to gain strength of character.
Thank you RSwordsman. I appreciate your compliments on the way I handled it, and I actually feel exactly the way you described as far as religion and God are concerned. I don't know what I truly believe right now, but if God is up there, if he created us, then I have to believe that this is what he intended.
I agree with SRwordsman. You handled yourself very well and your response to her was justifiable. Who in the hell does she think she is by trying to change you? I think you're awesome for handling it so well. I understand that you care for her, but she's going too far with sending you links. She's only one person, there are 7 billion people on this planet, don't allow one person's opinion to affect you. If she no longer wants to be a part of your life then that's her loss. Your happiness matters more than her lack of acceptance. But I can understand how you must feel, you're still the same person and I'm sure you still enjoy the same things. Tell her if she's such a good Christian, then judging you is wrong. There's only one person who can judge you and his name starts with a capital GOD!
Thank you, and you're right. There are a few differences in who I am because my personality is showing through more because my sense of self worth has grown but I am largely the same person with the same interests. Her spiel hasn't and won't change how I feel about myself. In the end I may have to just walk away. I'm not good at that though. It's always been difficult for me to cut people out, even when its in my best interest.
I think you handled yourself perfectly. You were a lot nicer than I would've been. I have a ton of Christian friends on facebook. I know that when I come out, some of them will be supportive, some will just unfriend me, and I'm sure I'll get some messages like the one your received. I doubt I'll handle them as well as you did.
I'm a pretty firm believer of God myself. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm FAR from a saint, but I talk to God and keep a firm connection with him more than anything else. Now, people always say that God makes no mistakes. Yes, God IS in fact omnipotent, but I think some people tend to mistake the omnipotence for overwhelming control. If God wanted us to be his pawns, the world would be perfect. My vet science teacher couldn't have been more right when he said this, but there are things in life that just HAPPEN. And no, God doesn't just sit back and watch it unfold with uncaring eyes. He just lets us live our lives. So, where am I going with this? The argument "God made a mistake" is invalid. And promised love won't be compromised. Heh, well, there's my soapbox for the EARLY sunday morning. Maybe this'll make up for me not getting up to go to church heh heh heh
I commend your self restraint and eloquence during such a situation, because in all honesty, next time I was "on the registers" with her, I'd shut her face in it. Then again, that would be immature lol. I think, with all intents and purposes, this is not sent maliciously, it is sent with the genuine belief that if you do not change, you will burn in hell - which is a load of rubbish. If she keeps persisting, just explain that it is none of her business to try and change you, and if there is a god, he made me this way. Just don't let them get you down, ignore it, and from what I gather of your previous posts, the response has been good so far. Don't let this ruin it.
I agree with "intheark4eva", in that you were much nicer than I would have been. I used to be a Christian, extremely Christian, for years and left the faith because of the narrow judgement in the name of "love" and "mercy". I am sure your co-worker is nice, but thinking she knows your mind and what is best for you is delusional. I loved your balanced response, but since she seemed to just shrug it off, you need to make clear to her that her not believing you and being a supportive friend... HURTS! And, because of this, she needs to back off. Coming out as Bi has been a cakewalk compared to how I imagine it is to start the transition! I am impressed by how you have handled everything thus far... You are an awesome lady! Queerly Yours, The Seeker
