It's been a long time since I've been on this site, and a lot has happened in my life since then. My parents now kind of know for certain that I'm gay even though I never told them. They found this site on my computer. Anyway I need help. A few days ago I felt terrible, worse than I have before. On Monday I was alone in the house and out of nowhere I started crying. I cried for almost the whole day. Then the day afterwards my family and I went to a nice restaurant with really good food, and I couldn't stop moving. My fingers kept tapping on the table and my leg kept moving for no reason at all. Everything I once liked I felt is boring now. Playing piano and accordion, even watching TV and playing video games. It is for this reason I have recently resorted to cutting myself to try to numb the pain I'm feeling. School starts tomorrow for me and I'm scared to death because I can't concentrate well. I feel as if I'm the ultimate punching bag. I'm gay, I'm korean, and most people think I'm ugly. I started off just ignoring all their rude comments but then I started to care. I'm scared that their comments are true. I'm scared about everything, even dying, as strange as it may seem. I got an awesome palm reading app on my iPod, and one day it shocked me so much. It knew I was unconditionally in love, and that brings up my next topic. I'm in love with someone I really shouldn't be. There's this guy that goes dancing twice a week, and I just go once, and I see him then. The thing that bothers me the most isn't the fact he's male, it's the fact he's a little more than 4 times my age. I'm afraid that I'll hurt him again. I act before I think. Like all decisions I have to make, I have a hard time deciding what to say to people. Maybe that's why I have no friends. My most successful friendships was online because online I know a bit more about what to say to people. It's annoying. Anyway, this is a lot longer than I had planned it to be, so I'll stop now. Have any advice?
Sorry you're going through such a hard time. In general it sounds like you're suffering from a lot of anxiety right now and maybe depression. If you have the means at all I'd suggest trying to get some kind of counseling. Just having someone to talk to openly about your troubles can help and a good counselor can help you get back on track to feeling good. If you ever feel the urge to cut or worse, please don't. Instead find someone to talk to and if there's no one around then try calling a suicide prevention hotline like one of these: 1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-273-TALK 1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-8255 You don't have to do this all by yourself. Help is out there if you ask for it. Good luck!
He's 4 times your age? How old are you? You don't have to answer that. If it helps, I'm also attracted to men much more older than me. One man that I'm in love with is just over 4 times my age. So if you need to talk I will be more than happy to.
Hi, Many things beyond sexual preference ca effect mood. Look out the window, look at the calendar... Vitamin D vs broad spectrum phototherap - PubMed Mobile Don't be too narrow in seeking a solution. Vitamin D3 enhances mood in healthy subjects during winter - Springer Vitamin D deficiency is associated with anxiety and depression in fibromyalgia - Springer Look at the calendar again, how does the naked ape make vitamin D? Stuck
Thanks. I want to change, to feel better. Someone suggested counsiling, but how do get that? I have a feeling that it will involve telling my parents. I homeschool so I don't see any other options.
You shouldn't let age bother you, it's perfectly fine that you're in love with a man 4 times your age. Love knows no boundaries. At one point, I resorted to attempting suicide, and now I regret. Imagine if I was successful? That would be awful. Ive realised now the emotions of depression, pain and confusion are absolutely nothing compared to the love we feel and what it can bring. Counselling may help, but that's difficult if you're homeschooled. Perhaps try find the right people to talk to, experience their stories, and realise you aren't alone.
I can say that I've been in that position where I ended up self-Harming and I have anti-gay slurs permanently etched and scarred into my body so I can tell you that you need to do your best to find another way out. To find some other release and it's different for everyone (i know you said things became boring to you but theres always something you just need to find it) . Some people write or draw or anonymously blog and rant online, some people exercise, play an instrument or read but there is always a better way trust me. As for the fact that the person you have your eye on is older than you, i agree with the others it's normal and it's completely fine. Plus don't listen to the people making comments don't believe anyone of them, the only person who knows you truly and fully is you, they have no right to judge or make those remarks.
Thanks, ToriCrystal. One activity remains a bit fun. It's dancing, although it is not as fun as it was a while back. Although this is once a week. I think that I have the major depressive disorder, but not entirely certain. It fits, except for physical pain I have experienced all of its symptoms and I do still. I mysteriously lost my knife in my room which is a black hole, so I won't be cutting myself for a while! Now that I lost it I realize that I truly was addicted to cutting myself. It's strange, but I'm kind of going crazy because I lost it. It's similar to a drug in a way.
