Letter for my parents, coming out as trans.

(This is sorta long, I apologize.)

"First of all, I'm not typing this so that we never have to talk about it face to face, it's just easier to get it all out at once without any interruptions.

I'm at that point in my life where I'm still trying to figure myself out-- what I want to do when I'm older, who I'm going to be, etc. With that, comes the discovery of my identity. I knew that I never really fit into one place specifically, and I never really knew where I did fit in. These past couple of years, I've really been struggling with that, but I guess I never really understood until I met one of the only people that will truly understand. He's the one that taught me that it's okay to break gender binaries.

For the past three years, I've been trying (and mostly failing) to keep myself together at the edges. I figured that if I could just keep it together, that it would go away... Three, almost four years later, it's still hanging over my head. All of the depression and anxiety, and everything else that I go through (my mask is doing pretty good, huh?) on a daily basis... there's a reason for it. For the past couple of months, I've been reading up on the sort, blogs of transgender issues, problems with acceptance, trying to figure out a way to come out with it... and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get the words out of my mouth.

I'm transgender.

I really started to break down a few years ago. Slowly at the edges, until it got worse and worse. This led to self-harm, which led to permanent scars on my arms and thighs. That was me just trying to come to terms, and trying to control my feelings. This eventually led to an attempt to take my own life. The reasons that I gave in the ER were true, yet this was the biggest part of it... at the time, I didn't know it, because I didn't understand it myself.

It would surprise me if you said that you didn't have any idea. You've known me, obviously, my entire life. You've been there through every stage... most of my friends are, and always have been, guys. I've never liked super girly stuff; I've never liked pink, frilly things... I always played with Legos, and went through that 'tomboy' phase, but now I know that it's not a phase... it's me.

I know that this is probably confusing and honestly, scary, for you... but it's 10 times worse for me than it is for you, and that's a fact. I'm not trying to worry you, or scare you, or freak you out, or anything... but it's time that you know, and you deserve to know.

You think that I wear baggy clothes because I'm not the skinniest, but that's not it. That's not it at all. A lot of people have issues in their body while growing up... saying that they're too fat or too ugly, or everything else that normal teenagers say... but this is different. Have you ever hated your body so much that you can barely look in a mirror after a shower, because it just hurts so badly? And, once again, I don't mean that in the teenage 'ermahgerd am fat' way. I mean that in the 'I can't stand this body' way. I've been trying to come to terms with it, but I just can't, and I can't do it alone anymore.

I have a lot of people in my life that support me. ___ knows, he's only known for a couple of weeks... but he knows, and he accepts that. He's trying to figure out his sexuality at the moment, and I'm trying to find my identity. We support each other, day to day, and we never throw it in one another’s face. ___, ___, and ____ know, along with the guy that I mentioned earlier, and his girlfriend, along with many other people that don't care who I am... they just love me for me, and that's all I want.
There are a couple of ways that I've tried to make myself more comfortable... I have a new Facebook, where a couple of people have added me on (obviously, only the ones that know), and it's under a new name... _____. I've asked those that know to use he/him/himself/etc, and it's helped, and it's made me feel different in ways that I haven't felt before... but it feels good, like that's the way that it was supposed to be all along.

I'm not asking for a miracle, I'm just asking for acceptance... and possibly some new clothing that doesn't make me feel suffocated inside my skin. You probably don't know it, but it hurts when you say “It ain't easy being you, is it?”, because no... It’s not. Please don't say that it's just a phase, because it's not. This is who I am, who I'm trying to become. I'm still me. I'm still the same person that you raised, but I'm not your little girl... I'm your little boy.

Please remember that sex is between the legs, and gender is between the ears. Feel free to ask any questions. I love you."

okay, wow, sorry that is quite long D;... anything that I should change in there?

Please don't tell me to just tell her face to face... I plan on doing it face to face, but like stated near the beginning... I couldn't get the words out of my mouth...

Thanks guys xx