Wishful thinking maybe? I love her and our life, were soulm mates. However, I have a shallow gay fetish/fantasy about older men. Only older, no other type. I have had since I was 14. I still went on developing a hetero identity. Me and her met, started dating, fell in love and now live together. Bad news is, the fantasy pursists. I have acted on it before we were together, wasnt that great but it still here. I felt bad because I've been so depressed, analyzing and obsessively questioning. I told her I was questioning, she needed to know. I live her and want to be with her. Besides, I dont really like men, it is/was just a fantasy about an old guy. I'm fucked up...
Nah, you're not fucked up. I still think that it could work with your girlfriend, you're being honest with her, and that's the most important part. What was her reaction when you told her? If it was one of acceptance, then things can go on just as they were, but perhaps it will bring you two even closer together. If it was something less positive, perhaps have another talk explaining that you really don't like guys your own age, you like girls in that age group - and that you'll always be faithful to her (assuming of course that's true, and that's the point that you're at in your relationship, but it certainly seems like it since you're living together).
Your desires for older men seems to be enduring. I know that you want things to workout with your girlfriend, but put yourself in her shoes; would you be okay with her being with a woman? My enduring attraction has been towards women since I was in elementary and it hasn't changed. I tried the whole family thing, but it didn't workout with a man. I can only picture my life loving, living with and being intimate with a woman. I'm glad that you're being honest with girlfriend, she deserves that at the least. Does she know how long you've felt this way?
The more you analyze and worry about something, the more the problem will persist. The more you "try" not to think about something, the more the problem will persist. So really what you have to do focus on other things. Tell yourself it's just a fantasy, it's not reality. Focus on hobbies, work, school, etc. Get your mind pre-occupied with other things.
