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Friends at school joking about...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Eatthechildren, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. Eatthechildren

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    I'm going back to school tomorrow. I wasn't actually that worried, until I remembered something.

    I'm out to most of my friends. However, I don't want my whole school knowing. There's a gay girl in the year above me who does fine, but she's popular. Lots of people have a problem with me, and my sexuality would be another reason to have a go at me. I'm also scared that if it got out, the girls would reject me :L

    But yeah, anyway, basically, some of my friends make jokes about outing me. And I never find them funny. I laugh along (Just like when they make jokes about how they're white and I'm not, or how they're male and I'm "female") but they make me really uncomfortable. Around half a year ago, a girl I trusted tried to out me, and I denied it and everyone forgot about it. Everyone except me. I had panic attacks for weeks after.

    And these jokes just remind me of how weak I am compared to them. They have stuff on me. They could make my life hell, and they seem to find it funny.

    It isn't funny for me.

    What can I do?
     
  2. PeteNJ

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    I'm sorry, I don't know what the answer is. I too was bullied as a kid -- and its awful. I know my parents went to the principal of the school -- but then I was mortified by that as well.

    I agree -- being teased or bullied for something that's different about yourself is not funny in the least. When you're older (like me), well its a little easier to turn it back into a joke and be funny about it.

    You said you laugh along -- maybe that is the best thing you can do? I think that's better than showing them it hurts you -- at least in public that probably doesn't help.

    Is there an LGBT group at school or near you that you could be part of? Finding others to talk to, get support from -- for me that's been really important to validate what I'm going through.

    Hugs --
     
  3. Klutz

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    You said these were your friends? They may be trying to make light of the situation to show their comfort in it. They may be going "look, a joke about this topic that I want to show support for, but don't know how other than an attempt at humor". Joking may be the way they are trying to show support. It is how they talk about it. If it is that, don't laugh along. Laughing along reinforces that it is okay. Let them know the joking makes you uncomfortable. They may not even realize they are hurting you.

    Their knowledge doesn't make you weak compared to them. You showed a great deal of trust by sharing with them. If they sell you out for the benefit of... I don't know, a momentary laugh with the "popular" crowd, they are the weak ones. Yup, it'll really suck to be you, but you didn't break the friendship or trust.

    If it is people who aren't your friends, screw them. Not literally, because I'm sure your standards are much higher. But seriously? I don't know. I'd second looking for a support group at school, or talk to your guidance councilor, they may know of one and be able to offer help and support.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. 4AllEternity

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    I suggest you try and lightheartedly tell them that they're making you uncomfortable. I know it's a big deal to you, but you can't treat it as such to them since A)You don't want to guilt trip them (it won't help and might drive them away), B)It sounds like they feel awkward, like they don't know how to act knowing about your sexuality. Joking is their way of dealing with it, it's a way of minimizing something; bringing attention to the "elphant in the room" and treating it like it's not a big deal. Unless they're actually threatening to out you (not just kidding around about it), I doubt they're trying to be hurtful.

    Just say to them something like "Guys, it's getting old and kind of annoying, k?" Don't be angry, just lightly try to put a stop to it. If they persist, then try talking to them individually. It doesn't have to be a big conversation, just say to each of them that it scares you, and that you know they didn't mean to be mean, but that you'd like them to stop. If they're really your friends, that should do the trick.