This isn't lgbt related but I could REALLY use some advice

I don't know exactly what you're going through as I don't have the extra issue of sickness to deal with, but a year and a half ago my grandma broke one of her legs and couldn't live on her own anymore while recovering. My parents decided to take her in for a while.

I know exactly what you mean with the inconsiderate and selfish behavior. Sadly, there's not a whole lot you can do about it. I just tried to ignore it and stay nice to here. She's still your grandma and she's not gonna be here forever, so cherish having here around, and try to understand she may not see things as clearly anymore as she used to. It's a common thing among older people to get a bit inconsiderate like that, just remember she may not be able to help it, and try to ignore it as much as you can.
My grandma has since passed away, and I know I'm happy I treated her well most of the time, and I regret the times that I didn't, even though I felt she deserved it.

However, if this situation negatively affects your health or keeps you from being able to hold a job or go to school, there's absolutely nothing wrong with getting out of that situation by moving in with your dad.

I do feel it's no fair to force your mom to compromise, though. I understand it's not fair to you, and I get where your reaction comes from, but it's still your mother's mom. You'd do the same for your mom, probably. Again, I know it's not fair, but it must be very difficult for your mom as well. I know it exhausted my mom, yet she didn't think twice about taking in and keeping my grandma.

I hope this didn't sound like I'm picking your mom's side. I'm not. It's a difficult situation for the both of you and probably asking a lot from both as well.

 

I don't think it is at all unreasonable to expect your grandmother's three other children to pitch in with her care. Both you and your mother's health is suffering, and there is no reason why the two of you should have to bear the entire burden. Your mother is an adult; if you have to go live with your father, she will figure out a solution for herself.

 

As a person who lost both grandparents on my mother's side and who basically hate my grandparents on my father's side, I know how you feel. It can be frustrating and you wonder why you are even related to these type of people. I don't live with my bad grandparents, but I do think that if I had to, I wouldn't treat then very well.

I used to just take what rude comments got thrown at me from my father's side of the family, until I suddenly decided that I was in high school and could make decisions for myself. I ended up not going to a lot of family gatherings because of "homework", which is partially true. My grandparents realized that I was probably the only decent grandchild she had and tried to suck-up to me but I just ignored them. It hurts me even more that my father is on their side and never stands up for me.

Where I was going with this, before I became self-centered and started ranting about my own life, is tht you aren't obligated to do anything. I would say however, that as a grandchild and favor to your mom, that you should at least rotate the responsibility of taking care of her. Certainly don't live with her. I think if you are doing so much as a grandchild without much or any appreciation, then it should be shouldered onto the daughters of your grandmother, or your aunts. Make her realize that you're her grandchild and that you're valuable to her. If she doesn't want to lose you, she better shape up. Honestly I would just ignore her or do just your fair share. I don't talk to my grandparents other than salutations. I was thinking of changing last name to my mother's last name to disassociate myself from these people. Remember, you're not obligated to anyone but yourself and those who you choose to be.

 

She sounds really rude.. I'm not sure what advice to give you, but if I were in that position I'd probably confront her about her attitude toward you & tell her that it's not acceptable. Tell her that you're trying your hardest to please her & tend to her needs & that her actions aren't really helping the situation.

 

I get that. Do you know if her sisters would be willing to help out? Because if they're not willing to do anything, then yes that's really unfair to your mom, but it's still no reason for your mom to stop taking care of her own mother.

If your mom hasn't even tried calling them or contacted them in any way about it, though, then yes if I were you I would at least bring it up.