Hi, First I would like to say that I am a new member here and I apologize is there are already a lot of post like this one. But here goes. So for the longest time since I was a young kid, I've always known that I like boys and not girls. It never really bothered me because I wasn't ever looking for a relationship and I was never around anyone when they were talking about relationships. Even when going through high school, I didn't have a hard time because I don't think anyone ever suspected that I was a bit gay, and I never really thought much about being gay. So I guess growing up, being gay was never an issue with me and I just never really thought much about it. Instead I was more focused on making friends because I don't really have much, and focusing on my schooling. Now I am 21 years old and currently attending college. I guess now because I am a bit older and everybody around me is having a relationship or getting married, I am feeling a bit lonely not every being in a relationship. The problem is that I am not out of the closet yet. Lately, I've been thinking of coming out but every single time I am about to tell a good friend of mine, I chicken out and end up not saying anything. I am also afraid of telling my parents because they always say that gay people scares them. So that makes it harder for me to come out. I am afraid of losing my friends and family. I guess even though I tell myself that I accept that I am gay, I don't really accept it, or else it wouldn't be as hard to tell my good friend that I am. Also, I am having doubts about a lot of things. Like I use to believe that being gay is not a choice and that I was born that way, but for some reason the more I look into that subject and hear the objecting statements, the more I question about it, even though I know or feel that I am gay. I apologize if this post was confusing. I know that it's not really a question, but I would like to hear what everyone here has to say about what I just wrote. Thanks
Honestly I'm actually pretty impressed that you were able to keep your focus on school and friends when you were in high school and patiently wait to deal with your sexuality until the time seemed right. Mad. Props. I've met a lot of people who have felt pretty much the opposite. I remember when I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I like girls (There were many, many attempts) it felt like my brain was on fire and my heart was pounding so hard it was going to explode and I thought for sure I was going to die. But then it was finally over and I was still alive and this feeling of such enormous relief swept over me. After we talked about it I felt so much happier, even excited that he finally knew. It seems really terrifying, but telling someone you trust will probably make you happy. If that person is really your friend they won't judge you at all and they'll accept you for who you are. Also, this is definitely going out on a limb because I don't know you at all, but you never know if your friend could have considered it before. The fact that you haven't been in a relationship yet could have been an indication...but maybe not. Just pick one person to start with and then you can go at your own pace. Also I definitely don't think that being "gay" is a choice. In my opinion, you can exercise control over your feelings but you can't specifically choose them. I've always liked to think that we have feelings for a reason. Our feelings are our innate sense of self, to me.
First off, welcome to EC! Everyone here is uber friendly, so don't be shy! Just because you haven't been able to tell anyone doesn't mean that you haven't accepted that you are gay. I knew from when I was ten, accepted it when I was either 13 or 14, and hadn't told anyone until last summer. So trust me, you can be fine with yourself and afraid to reveal this huge secret. As for actually coming out, take your time. I know that you really want to be ready, but you won't be able to put yourself out there until you are truly ready. It means exposing one of the biggest secrets you have had, and will ever have. However, the first person you tell should be someone you know will accept you. Maybe you have a gay friend, or one of your friends has a close gay friend? And of course, if you don't think your parents will accept you, wait until you don't depend on them for money or a place to live. Your safety comes first. If telling them puts you in danger, don't tell them yet. As for choosing to be gay, that's rubbish. there is heavy scientific evidence that points towards sexuality being decided by genetics, hormones, or a combination of the two. Don't let other people think that you chose to be potentially ridiculed by society. I wish you the best!
Haha, well actually it wasn't that I waited patiently or anything like that, because I did think about it, but I was kind of a loner in high school, so my priority was mainly in making friends, not a whole ton of friends, but close friends. I wanted to build long lasting friendships, which didn't really happen unfortunately. Also, ya I don't know if any of my thought of me being gay or not because none of them ever asked me, so I'm just assuming lol. I really want to tell someone but at the same time I don't because I don't know why but I'm really scared to say it. Although I think I've accepted that I am gay, I'm just afraid that I could lose a friend that I care about, especially since I don't have that many right now. I really like what you said about the choice and feelings thing. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2013 at 12:59 AM ---------- masterchichi: How and when did you build up the courage when you came out? Actually today was the day that I thought I was ready and first was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, but when I was about to tell my friend, I couldn't say the word "gay". So I ended up changing the subject. At first I was hoping that my friend would fill in the blank so it would have been easier, but that didn't happen . So I guess I'll wait again. It's weird though, because even though I've accepted it, how come I have a mixed feeling of being ashamed but at the same time not ashamed about it. I don't know if that makes any sense. For example, when I watch gay genre movies, I'm always thinking thats a nice ending and would like something nice like that to happen to me. But other times when I see a guy kiss a guy, I feel weird about it and think it's weird.
