I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. It's been a long distance relationship, about three hours apart, and we see each other two or more times a month and keep in pretty good contact the rest of the time. We're kinda hopelessly in love. I've been out to my friends and family for four years now, and they're wonderful and supportive. My family took it hard at first, but I've since brought my boyfriend over to numerous family gatherings where both extended and close family are present, and all seems to work out pretty well. My boyfriend, however, is not out of the closet. I was his first boyfriend, first everything. He's come out to all of his friends, a close cousin, and brother while we've been dating, and I'm very proud of him. When it comes to the topic of his parents however, things take a different turn. He's still scared about their reaction and doesn't want to hurt them. We're from the South and I know his mom is very active in their Baptist church. He's also 20 and heavily financially reliant on them at the moment (college). He will be graduating in a semester from undergrad, and our personal hopes and dreams have us moving in together once he does. I've been pushing for him to come out to his parents, however gently, and he realizes it's going to happen soon also. I just am afraid I'll lose him to this process of coming out, and I don't know what to do. I think he feels coming out is tied to telling them about me, but I want him to understand that coming out is a personal milestone, and something that will define him. My family was so great, and I don't expect his to go as well as mine did. I never had a sliver of fear that my parents might get old and die and not have gotten over it. So I guess I'm just looking for advice about how to gently go about the topic, or stories from people who've had it bad so I can hear more perspectives.
My advice would be to at least wait until he graduates, so that he is no longer financially reliant on his parents. I can understand your desire to get it over with, but how would you feel if the fall-out caused him to drop out of college?
That's a fear, but not enormous one. I make enough to help out, he's got a fair bit saved up, and my family has said that were shit to hit the fan they'd help out. He's also worried about time he'll have at home to repair things. His school is relatively close to his parents (20 minutes), and he's worried if he does it later than sooner they won't have time to heal before he graduates and leaves the region.
Definitely wait. This way he also feels more comfortable telling them due to the fact he won't be as dependent on them. He won't have as much to lose and he may start warming up to the idea of them knowing.
Are you sure you are ready to offer support both financially and emotionally? Not questioning your relationship, or trying to put you off, just making a point. You both to need to talk it through, and cover all the bases. Good luck (*hug*)
I have been in a similar situation. And I myself am also out to everyone BUT my parents, but certainly when the right guy comes along, I'll come out to my mum (there's no point with my dad, sadly he WOULD kill me). Anyway, don't force him to come out, even if it's gentle. When my ex-boyfriend tried to do the same to me, it pushed me away from him, to the point I lost all feelings towards him, and our relationship died. Let him come out in his own time, but certainly as others have said - wait until he graduates, as if his mum is heavily involved with a Baptist Church......Well, let's just say its almost certainty that she'll react negatively.
