My Father has known that I was gay for several months, and he has shown that he is ok with it and that he still loves me. However there has always been a sort of divide between the two of us ever since he found out. He found out after my Mom told him and he has never talked to me about it. He has never even so much as acknowledged that he knows. I want to talk to him about it to make sure he is ok with it, but i don't really know how i could do it. Whenever i had a problem i would always talk to my brother or my Mom so me and my Dad have never really had a close relationship. Whenever we do talk it always seems distant and we always simply joke and can never talk about anything serious. While i can live with not talking with him about it. I am afraid that now that i am out i might find a boyfriend i definitly won't be able to keep a relationship secret from my family, and i would definitly want to talk to my Dad before i introduce him to the family to avoid anykind of confrintation. I would really like to talk to him asap, but i am not sure if and how i should do it. Should i do it soon, or should i wait until I find someone and have a reason for starting the conversation?
You've got the same problem as me. Dad and I rarely talk and when we do it's RARELY seriously. And I think the only conversation about my homosexuality I've had is when he asked me in the aftermath of my comming out How I knew I was gay. I told him I didn't feel like talking about it. Dad told me he didn't care but we still haven't offically talked about. But I don't really feel it needs to be done. Plus when I talk to my mom she emails dad about it right away (so I know he's in touch with mom and I's personal therapies with each other- haha!) So in my situation I don't think I feel the need to talk to dad about it. He knows I'm gay and he gives his support by giving me my space (as teenager-y as that sounds) However if your dad isn't getting all the info about what's going on your head it's not fair, as his son to do this to him. Try and strike up a conversation in the car maybe?
You both have described what I'm expecting with my dad when I come out. We've NEVER discussed anything serious and most of the time don't even talk to each other. I really have no idea how he would react, and although he's always been fine with my mum's gay brother and his partner I really don't know whether he wants his own son to be gay. So I'm also interested to hear all the ideas from this thread.
I think it's a straight guy thing. As someone mentioned in another thread, straight guys are not good at talking about feelings and emotions etc. It just isn't what they do. So when faced with something like this that they can't comprehend they tend to say nothing because it's easier. Of course it never solves the problem and things just stay unsaid. I don't have the answer to this. My dad was just the same. He said very little about me being gay, although ultimately he accepted it.
My advise...you don't have to tell your father....yet. pretty much, if ur father is someone who is hard to talk to and will cow u down like my dad then i would strongly suggest u wait. in fact, if u don't want to tell him directly u can tell him many diffrent ways, like letters or e-mails or voice messages. while at the same time keeping a distance from him. all i can say, use ur concience. u may end up telling him and having to regret in the end. However i am not saying ur not to tell him, but u know what they say in real estate: location, location, location..and i think, time :dry: there is a time and place for everything.
