So here's my story from the very beginning (some parts rather brief): I met her in sixth grade (looooong time ago) but never got to really talk with her until seventh. Once I got to know her we couldn't stop talking to each other. We have so many common interests and can really understand each others situation due to each of us having divorced parents. We became best friends during the summer when we continued to hang out. She was one of those friends that when I was about to break down I would call her and she would calm me down. I always made a point to be a reliable friend whenever she needed me and she did the same. It wasn't until the summer after my eighth grade year when I realized somewhere along the line my feeling had changed. I started to notice just how beautiful she was and how I could relax around her. I had (have) all of those classic flutter heart feelings and want to hold her. When we had sleepovers it was hard for me to act natural. I know she's bisexual too so I thought there might have been some hope for me. Later in the summer she started to tell me she met someone. I was shocked. She had gotten a girlfriend and I had no idea what to do. My heart got all twisted up and I decided to swallow my feelings and congratulate her. I smiled and asked normal questions. It wasn't until a month later that I actually saw her girlfriend for the first time. That was probably the moment when my heart really sank. She was nice and not to mention had a wonderful body. I couldn't compare in any aspect and decided I wasn't good enough for her. It wasn't long before her parents found out about her girlfriend though and made them stop seeing each other (her parents thought she was going through a phase). I had to play the role of the best friend who had to console her and say that they belong together. The next year I went to high school and for the first time wasn't at the same school as her since she's a grade younger. During my freshmen year I tried to genuinely like others in a romantic manner but no one could compare to her. I eventually cam to the conclusion I was still in love with her. When ever we met up I could tell that feeling never went away, I had just been ignoring it. Halfway through freshmen year she told me she had started talking to her ex-girlfriend again. I was silent at the words and she told me that her ex said that she couldn't wait for her. I would wait for her no matter how long but I could never tell her that. After she told me I asked her if she was still in love with her ex. She told me she kind of was and for some reason the pain felt like it was still fresh. I passed my silence off as being sleepy to keep her from wondering why I was being odd (but I don't think I succeeded). I want to confess my feelings to her but I know this is a one-sided love. I want stay by her even if it just means as her friend. It hurts so much to say that because I sometimes have stupid daydreams about a valentines day or birthday with her as my girlfriend. I'd picture the chocolates and gifts I'd give her, and how a shy girl like me could act so romantic. How for her birthday we'd have a big cake just for the two of us and the room would be lit up by all the candles. It's my first time really experiencing all of these feelings and even though I love her I don't quite understand love yet myself. I just know that I love her and that all of these feelings haven't changed for years. I'm past my freshmen year and even now my feelings are as strong as ever. (I'm still in high school though) I just want to tell her that I'm in love with her but I can never tell her. I fear if I tell her it'll ruin our relationship and she may hate me. I know it's hard but I'll hold it all back. Staying by her side and loving her from a distance may hurt but it will keep me with her. I love her so much that I can't tell her. Does that make sense? I'm so scared of losing you. I've had these feeling for years. I don't what to do about this unrequited love. (Sorry for the long post.) I could really use some advice.
Wow... I'm really sorry, that sounds really tough! I personally couldn't hold in my unrequited love after a couple years and that was very difficult. I think telling her might help you get over her, but I know that's a lot easier said then done. If she really cares about the friendship like my friend, they will stay friends with you even when it's awkward. Of course, if you don't tell her you can keep the friendship the same, but I know how unhealthy that can get. It's really up to you. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. (*hug*)
No, thanks for giving me some advice! I've been debating if confessing to her will help but I'm just afraid to risk it. I'll give it some more thought but thanks again!
I've been where you are, and I took a chance. I told her I loved her. She doesn't feel the same, as she's straight, but her and I are still friends and she's been very understanding and patient towards me. Even if she doesn't feel the same, if she is a good friend, she will do the same. Plus, since she's bi and has been in love also, she probably will understand what this is like.
If she's not back with her ex, just tell her! You only live once! Yes, you risk damage to your friendship, but it is a compliment to her after all.
I have gone through pretty much the same thing you have, but in my case, compressed into a much shorter period of time (met my crush at the beginning of this year, began crushing with him within weeks, learned he was bisexual too, knew I was in love by a few months, then 4 months later confessed and found that he didn't have romantic feelings for me). You can read the thread here. Despite the shorter time, I know I love him, since I've had just plain old crushes before, but this one was intense. He was the first person I had met that was a lot like me, which is rare since I'm pretty geeky, and the first person I felt I could just be me around. I went through months of constant confusion, have lots of close moments, but then he'd be distant from me. I eventually wrote him a letter explaining my feelings in a "no-pressure" way; I explained everything. I didn't hold back. He was very kind and understanding, and told me he cared a lot about me, and was happy that someone could care about him like that, but that he didn't love me in a romantic way. I was really disappointed, but also massively relieved. The worst part about unrequited love that is not clearly so (i.e the person sends tons of mixed signals), is how painfully confusing it is. You frequently alternate between feelings of extacy when you think "OMG He/She loves me!!!" to depression when they do something that indicates you're just friends. It's exhausting. There are two ways to deal with this. You can cut off all contact with the person (or spend a lot less time with them in person), which will work the quickest. Love is biologically addicting; every time you spend time with the person, touch them, talk to them, your brain releases a surge of pleasure-inducing chemicals such as dopamine. The only way to quickly and effectively end the addiction is to spend less time with the person, do more things with others or on your own. At first, you will be depressed. But as time passes, you will gradually return to normal, and can resume being friends with them without feeling dependent on your relationship for happiness. Now, I understand that with crushes like this, that way may not be the one you want to take. I, like you, felt incredibly close to my crush, and definetly want to be friends with him. Not because it's the next best thing to being his partner, but because we're well suited to be friends, and I care about him unconditionally. I have accepted that no is no, and that I will only be his friend, and so I am slowly beginning to move on. What I suggest in your case is that you tell her your feelings, preferably in a letter. Writing a letter allows you to really think about how you feel and articulate it in the best way possible. Don't make it pushy, just tell her what your feelings are, and that you care about her no matter what. Finish it off by saying that you're not asking her to suddenly change your relationship, but that if she feels similar, you both could just see where things went. Say that it's alright if she doesn't feel the same way, and that either way you're glad to be friends with her. If you do that, I'm certain she won't react badly. She's bisexual, it's not like she'll be disgusted by the idea. The only thing you have to avoid is forcing her into a situation where she feels bad if she says no, make it clear that you value your friendship over anything, and that you'd still be friends if she wanted too.
Wow that really helps, thank you so much! I'll try my best! I'm definitely going to tell her one of these days.
