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Bitch-slap back to reality

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ruby Dragon, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    How do you let someone know you don't have any feelings for her anymore, and that you've figured out who YOU are, and she needs to do the same?

    Talking about my ex-girlfriend.

    When we were still together, and spent a day together, her phone kept ringing. She eventually decided to answer it and it turned out it's her ex-boyfriend. He asked her who she's with and where she is, and she lied about it! I was really hurt. Why would she need to lie about having a girlfriend, and spending time with her?

    Red lights were flashing. She obviously still has feelings for him. I felt like I'm standing in their way. During a chat yesterday, I asked if they're back together yet, and she said no.

    I told her to just give him what he wants, be it sex or a relationship. She replied with a big NOOOOO! I said it'll do her good and help her figure out what she really wants, and she agreed... I know the two of them spend nearly every hour of each day together and she constantly reminds me of it, or complains about him. It annoys the crap out of me.

    Through all of this she still tells me she loves me. Feeling isn't mutual...

    I just feel so frustrated and annoyed that I think she needs a bitch-slap back to reality!
     
    #1 Ruby Dragon, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2013
  2. myheartincheck

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    She seems very torn on this, but this isn't really something you can help her with. She needs to sort through the unresolved feelings/issues in her life.

    You seem to be getting red flags in this situation, and I would trust that instinct. Perhaps you should distance yourself from her? Decisions like this are never easy.
     
  3. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I tried to distance myself by actually telling her that I don't think we should see each other again (even as friends) and should stop talking. She freaked out completely and long story short, we're still talking. It's just always so uncomfortable when we're together, I never know what she's thinking and I'm not good at entertaining someone so high-strung and full of shit. I'll just let things go their own way. She knows how I feel about the situation and it's now up to her to make the next move.

    Add: It's as though she's got this hold over me, and it drives me insane
     
    #3 Ruby Dragon, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2013
  4. pinklov3ly

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    I was in a situation like this with a girl I used to date; I mean, the red flags were all there. She got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend while we were dating and it broke my poor heart. I knew that she wasn't over him, so it was my fault; she lost the baby unfortunately. However, she's pregnant again! After things went sour between us, she ran back to him and yet, I still have feelings for her. It's so hard being only her friend, but she's so confused about what she wants. She reminds me of myself when I was 22, so I can sympathize with her. She claims to still be gay, but I think she needs to remain single until she figure things out. I was that girl who helped her figure out who she really loved. My signature says it all, although she claims she's no longer going to be with men in the future. However, I refuse to believe her, yet she too has this hold on me that I cannot break. So, you're not alone...are you sure you still don't have feelings for your ex?
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2013
  5. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Wow, that must've been terribly hard on you! (*hug*)

    To be honest, I don't know what I feel for her. I do feel jealous whenever I know they're together because I don't want her to be with anyone else, let alone a man. Yet, I don't want to be with her either, as I'm not sexually attracted to her and cannot give her what she wants. Maybe that is why I'm pushing her away. It's not only to protect myself, but also her
     
  6. pinklov3ly

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    Very hard, I'm actually discussing it with my brother now, he's helping me get over her. And that's how I feel about her, her ex knew that she'd pick him over me. The idea of them being together makes be sick and even though I do love her, I know that she's no good for me. And ever since we started talking again, I started pushing her away for good reasons. I want to tell her how I feel just to get things off of my chest, but it's hard...
     
  7. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I think the biggest obstacle in my case is that I never really LOVED her. It was more like an intense infatuation/deep attraction than love. We only dated for a week, c'mon.

    And I think she's playing the "I love you" card because she's trying to manipulate me somehow... I thoroughly enjoyed the time we dated. Our first proper kiss and all the cuddling that went on.... I think about it quite often and I guess that makes it just so much harder to write her off
     
  8. Deaf Not Blind

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    I think you girls should be up front and blunt to them exes. Tell them goodbye means bugger off!

    Don't be emotional, or let the other girl get in control of you with her emotional games...like that "I love you" card you mention, VB.

    But there are ways to get her gone with fewer words too.

    I didn't want one girl who wanted a BF bad...she has a history of bi-polar that is so bad she been hospital for cutting, and she was really weird and clingy to her ex BF, who I met when they were still hot for each other. I may be horney, but I know trouble! How I got her to leave me alone was NOT easy!

    I had to be firm. It is my nature to flirt a bit, but I had to tell her I am not interested in her because of her smoking, cutting, and I can't handle moody girls. At first she tried to manipulate me, flirt and tease, hint real strong...more I resisted, more she was offering me, until it actually became that she would LET ME TRY HER OUT. Um...tempted, yes, but NO!

    Next she went on FB and when saw I was having issues with somebody being rude to me, she acted just like them GF who think they must defend their man...she scary told the person off....like a bulldog bitch. I am polite to friends, but I am not stupid. I told her again, this will not happen. And I began to make one word replys. "yup" "nope" "ok"...this can get it clear that you are not talking, but seeing it. they feel no emotional hope, no love response...it is hard to do if you are a caring person, but works well to convey you do not care about their drama, go away!

    Lastly when she posted stuff on my wall to get me to respond, or would PM me HI!! I would sometimes not reply at all. Sadly, some girls need a bit of shunning to get over you for good. You may indeed be a heart breaker...but it is that or they get to break your heart.

    If the girl is texting you, do not reply, or change #, or caller block.
    If on FB is messaging you, do not reply, unfriend, or block.
    If you see her in person...don't! And if you live nearby or work nearby and must, walk right past and if she says HI!! just walk past...if you must, nod, and walk past. No smile, no eye contact, unless you must...then no smile and nod and walk past with a look in eyes of "who are you?"...no love.
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I know what to do but I just don't have the heart to. Somehow, it's different with her. I could easily tell other exes (guys) off. But with her... I dunno. I feel so frustrated with myself sometimes. I damn-near got rid of her but then stupidly fell for her little tantram and love confession...

    There are some days that I'm really not in the mood to chat to her. And I'll then just give short replies to everything she says. Then she'd type out my name with a few dots before and after and expect me to respond to that. It annoys the living daylights out of me. If I don't want to chat, don't force me, it'll just tick me off more :bang:

    Highly unlikely that we'd run into each other at local places, because we stay quite a distance apart

    Doubt we'd see each other face-to-face again. Not if I can help it. I certainly do not wish to see her again. The only way she'll see ME again is if she gets her lazy ass into her own damn car and actually goes to the trouble to come to ME instead of playing damsel-in-distress and waiting for ME to come and PICK HER UP (and bring her back)...

    Haven't heard from her yet today, and hoping it'll stay that way for a good couple of days, or even permanently! :lol:
     
  10. Deaf Not Blind

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    It would be excellent if she has already gotten the gist since you did play it cool to her. Good job that!

    But IF she does come back, and they sometimes try a few times, esp if she is bored, do not reply at all. IF somehow you HAD to reply...this works with women well... "Guess what? I was talking for 8 hours straight to this really beautiful girl I met 2 months ago. We had such a good time last Saturday at dinner, we just can't believe we met. It is wonderful. Oh I hope you are doing good now too. :slight_smile:" Them women can't stand it when I move on. (and the chick has never bothered me since, but she is on my FB and does not PM me or anything. It is like a big love switch went off because she knows I am not single and desperate for her)