Hi everyone. So basically, I'm really scared and I need advice. I live in a really, really small town. People are quite homophobic and have no problem expressing their opinions. Almost every single person I know has made homophobic comments, even those who say"I'm not homophobic, but..." But anyway, I was sitting with my friends a few months ago (I have a a pretty big friend group), and all of them somehow got into a discussion about lesbians. Pretty much all of them agreed that "if one of our friends came out as lesbian, I wouldn't feel comfortable around her anymore." Do you think they actually mean this? I don't want to lose all my friends if I come out. Plus, if I did come out, I'd almost certainly need a pretty good support group with all the homophobia at my school, from both adults and teenagers. The other thing is my family. I know that my parents will accept me, no matter what. They've already told me they're fine with whatever sexuality I am. I'm worried about my brother. He makes pretty homophobic comments, but he's one of my best friends and his opinion really matters to me; if he rejected me if be crushed. I don't really know how my sister will react, but as far as I'm aware she's not homophobic. (There's also an extensively large and religious family to deal with, but I'll deal with that when it comes. I only see them once every couple of years, as they're on the other side of the world anyway.) So I guess my question is: do you think they'll actually reject me if I come out? Is there anything I can do to educate them and perhaps change their opinions? Or even of anyone has a story about their own experiences relating to coming out in a small town, a high school, or to homophobic friends or family. I'm pretty scared, but I don't want to be in the closet anymore! Please help, Lexie Xxx (P.S., sorry for any mistakes, this was typed on my phone...)
Sorry you're catching all of this from your friends and family. (*hug*) I'm also from a very small town and faced some of the same issues when I came out, though in my situation it was a little reversed - it turned out that the only people in my family who were bothered at all were my parents (go figure), everyone else was pretty okay with it. I can't predict what will happen because I don't know your friends and family or what kinds of comments they've been making (aside from the one you mentioned in your group of friends), but I can say this. Especially in group settings, people will tend to agree with the prevailing opinion, if for no other reason than just to fit in. Some of your friends may actually feel better towards lgbt people than a group discussion lets on. Also, some people will take this mentality with them and say things about gay people just because they expect that's what others want to hear. My sister would let a homophobic comment slide here and there, but after I came out to her, she was one of my biggest supporters. That said, I did lose a friend or two when I came out, and not everyone in the family was thrilled (namely parents, as above). So again, although I can't promise the same results, it does sound like you have some people whose reactions will be better - why not start with your parents and build support as you go?
it's kind of hard to get a good reading if this discussion with your friends happened in a large group setting. especially at your age, if several people start saying they wouldn't feel comfortable with a lesbian friend, people who actually disagree with that statement may be inclined to say they agree because it seems like everyone else does. even if your friends did mean it, they may feel differently when they are faced with the real situation and see you are the same person you always were before. if the worst happens and they really do all feel that way, then they weren't really your friends. i know that is cold comfort, but you deserve to be your authentic self, and you will find people who like the true version of you.
Thank you, so much. I really hope that it's true that not all of them are homophobes. I'm on school holidays at the moment, so it's not too much of an issue right now, but it's ruining my time off school lying awake at night and worrying about it. Both of these pieces of advice have at least given me some peace of mind. Thank you.
