A Problem...

hmmm really does a person really have to have a name for what they are i mean are labels really that important? well while I know its confusing I would say that you are bisexual and see heres the thing there are so many shall we say degrees of bisexuality that its not even funny see like me its probably about 70% women and 30% men meaning I tend to be that much more attracted to women then men but I still find men attractive so Im not considered a lesbian or straight so I just refer to myself as bisexual because I find myself attracted to both. Now you just have to decide whether you are sexually attracted to both sexes like could you get turned on and could you see yourself having sex with both sexes or can you just picture yourself with one its a long hard road and I wish you the best you just have to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions ( I know this sounds crazy) but trust me you'll figure it out and nobody can tell you what you are you have to figure it out for yourself I hope this helps some sorry I cant help you out more all I can say is good luck some people know from the time they are a few years old and others like you have to examine themselves to find out I was one of those people and it took me a while but I finally figured it out and you will too I promise

 

Hmm... so there is REALLY not a SPECK of "love" for guys... not even the really hot ones?? The charming ones that we are hopelessly attracted to even though we know theyre straight??

Because, for me anyway.. I think that you can love anything... a girl, a boy, a parent, a pet.. love is love.. but its the lust, the being crazy about someone, ontop of loving them.. that shows that you are truely attracted to them. Maybe you just havent met a guy yet that you could have a "more than sex" relationship with???

just a thought.. Because I KNOW Im gay.. but there are a lot of girls I could "technically see myself living with..." and I think thats probably BECAUSE Im gay...

Love is something deeper than what we build our "partner relationships" on, in my opinion... and I guess maybe it takes more than that for a relationship to work.. but it definitely has to be there....

 

First of all, it's funny how you say that you've only brought up this topic online. It seems to me that a lot of people, myself included are first asking these questions online. You gotta love now nice it is to be totally anonymous, and how you can ask pretty much whatever you want because rarely will you ever meet any of us in real life (if ever).

I'm not sure how much advice I can give you, but I'll tell you about some of the things that I've been thinking, in hopes that it will give you some examples. I know I'm definitely not physically attracted to girls. I've dated a girl for a year or so, but I was a Sophomore in high school and she was a Senior (which can create its own conflicts). While I wanted to love her and all that, it was hard for me because I never really felt any physical attraction to her. I was nice to her, and I did whatever I could for her, but I never really felt like the relationship was going anywhere.

I have never been in a relationship with another guy, as I haven't actually come out yet to anyone besides my parents. I do have a friend at college that I have very strong feelings for. I'm pretty much thinking about him 24/7. I've got a strong feeling he's straight, though, so unfortunately, I doubt it's actually going to go anywhere. As I just recently truly accepted that I was gay, I'm still having 'fun' right now trying to figure out everything as far as other people and my feelings go.

 

No, I'm pretty sure the only rule as far as porn goes is you can't post it. I had just guys, and guys + guys, but no girls, period (i don't have any right now, because i'm at college, and i really don't want the tech people to see i'm downloading gay porn..).

One question as far as the guys + girls porn goes, do you tend to focus on both guys and girls equally, or do you spend more time looking at one or the other?

 

hmm... so it appears that you really do like the emotional side of a relationship with girls and the sexual/physycal with guys??? Maybe you are gay and just not into the "non sex" part of a relationship period?? Maybe your straight and just not a sexual person?? (although I doubt this as you are attracted to men physically.)

Maybe you're bi?

I guess, from what I understand here, I would be asking myself the following questions:
"Is the attraction I feel towards women truly the emotional side of a relationship?
"Maybe I am really experiencing a strong friendship?"
"Am I sure I can't see myself (living with etc.) with a guy.. or have I just not met the right person??"

My main advice would have to be to take it slow.. don't let it drive you crazy.. just try and have fun.. do whatever you feel like as far as guys and girls.. eventually, you'll find what works....

and also, maybe one of the above "symptoms" is a "phase"?.... just a thought.

good luck

 

Hi Disorient,

For me it's been helpful to differentiate between love, affection, and sexual attraction. I'm certainly not attracted to females sexually but there are a number of ladies that I really love and can be affectionate with. Several movies also helped me to figure things out (Summer Storm, Latter Days, Eating Out, Beautiful Thing, Get Real). It took me a very long time to get over my own homophobia. That has sure changed this past summer when I had my first opportunities to be affectionate with guys(!) .

As others have said, give yourself time, explore and have fun. So what if you don't fit anyone's norm. The standard boxes just aren't made for everyone. There is also plenty of reference material out there when you're ready to do more research. I spent a good 2 years and thought I was even asexual for a (little) while.

Good luck on your journey.

 

That's correct.

I can't add much to the main discussion as Lorenz and others have said everything I would have done.

 

Disorient, it's perfectly normal. My first crush was on a female, so is my first affection and infatuation. Even at 15, I've never fallen for a guy before (emotionally). Until recently though (16), I fell for my male best friend (corny....) and he knows I am gay... Hah... we're going to part soon anyway, in about a month's time. So it doesn't matter.

 

The best thing is that at your age, you have lots and lots of time to figure it all out; and THAT is the best and most fun of all. Take it if, when, and with whom you want it. Don't make a chore of this great experiment. Postpone looking for the Mr. or Miss Right. Offer what you want and only accept back what you want.

This is the one area of life that requires your being Selfish: it's just called Honesty. This is a good place to be for that, and for asking the right questions. Good start guy...

 

Good response. Myself, I mostly like looking at girls. I've found guys cute (and continue to do so on a regular basis) but physically, I just prefer girls. Emotionally/romantically? I'm fairly certain I'm completely gender-blind in that regard.

Of course, everyone's different.

 

Obviously everyone is different, but since I used to feel the same as you, perhaps talking about my experiences could help you.

As I said, I used to feel pretty much exactly the same way. I have never been physically attracted to women. Sure I can recognize female beauty when I see it, but when it comes to the female body, it is something that I would rather not explore-ever. At the same time, I used to feel that I could never see myself in a relationship with another man. When it came to relationships I would have rather been with a woman and aim for marriage eventually (if only I could get past not being attracted to them!).

I tried dating a few girls in high school, but it really never worked out. Then when I came to college, I met a guy that I actually liked and after alot of fear and anxiety, I finally decided to try out a relationship with him. It has last two years now and is going great. Looking back, I can see that the only reason that I couldn't see myself in a relationship with another man was because I was raised in a household and a society that presented marriage to woman as my only option. I had never seen a real relationship between two men, and even after having seen a few, they certainly didn't look like anything I wanted for myself. Even after I started dating my boyfriend, it felt kind of strange to me for a little while. However, I soon realized how much I liked being with him and how great what we had was. Furthermore, besides the fact that we are gay, I would say that our relationship isn't drastically different than an average heterosexual relationship. The best thing though is that I realize now that though it won't be "traditional" I can still have a partner to go through life with, and if we want to we can start a family together.

Having said all of that, I wonder if perhaps you might be in the same place as I was? Sure you can't see yourself in a relationship with a guy right now...but why is that? Is part of you scared of how your life might change if you decided to pursue a relationship? Having grown up in a society that presents heterosexual marriage as the norm, have you even really given thought to what a relationship with another guy might be like? Do you think maybe your ideas about what a family is supposed to be has prevented you from feeling comfortable with any alternative ideas?

I hope some of that helped. Also, welcome to EC!

 

Guys, may I make you notice that this thread is dating from 2006 and that the original poster hadn't log on EC since then.
I doubt any answers that could be added will benefit to him anytime soon.

 

:eusa_doh: I am usually so good about catching topics that have been drudged back up. Oh well, maybe it will help someone anyways .

 

my question is what do you think about when u masturbate, girls or guys. when someone asked me that it gave me lots of clarity.

 

Dang! Nabbed by the threadomancer again!

 

As this thread is well and truly out of date, I have locked it