Hey, guys, I've been predominantly sexually attracted to women all my life, but ever since highschool, when I explored and developed an intense anal-masturbation fetish, I have fantasized of partaking of cock. I used to experiment from time to time masturbating to gay porn and found it highly stimulating, especially scenarios of extreme anal play, such as fisting. However, the fact that legitimate bi-sexual urges began to crop up was always a source of discomfort. I remained outwardly straight in my college years, yet secrelty bi-curious. I had a few opportunities to act on my homosexual urges, but I was too afraid to follow through on them, and I rejected those opportunities whenever they came up. Each time I truly wanted to pursue the invitations afforded me. I always feared what the repercussions would be and if i would be able to accept myself afterwards. Since then, I've changed a lot. I was always in heterosexual relationships at the time. At this point, I'm a father of a one year old and am entering a divorce. I have no illusions anymore. I don't consider myself gay as I have tried to explore my homosexual urges and my lust for women usually comes out on top. However, I feel that this is an opportunity for me to pursue and learn from my own gender. I am not sure I want to be with a woman again. I hear that men know what other men want, and I am open to exploring male sexuality with another male. No longer am I afraid of being gay or expressing my urges. It always comes out when I've had a bit to drink; I find myself writing notes to myself about how gay I am and having looked up lots of gay porn. I never thought I'd want to kiss a man, but I look back at all the times I've been in the presence of men who wanted to kiss me and more wishing I'd crawled into bed with them and explored their bodies and I feel that life has more to offer through other men than can be found in women alone.
You came to the right place, welcome to EC! It sounds like you want to improve your life in some way, and there are many wise members here ready to help. At this stage, I think you have a ways to go before maintaining a healthy relationship, but be honest with yourself and you'll find yourself living the life you want before you know it. You can ask this community about anything, and you'll find many who have the experience and knowledge to help.
Hey Clash87, I don't think that being LGBT or STR8 is all about sexual acts. Sexuality is much more diverse than that. You said you enjoyed anal masturbation as a fetish, and I think your issue is just that a fetish across the board. Women and Men enjoy this type of play. So anal stimulus isn't any more gay than it is str8. My advise would be to explore your sexuality with someone you care about and have feelings for that will enjoy satisfying you in ways that make you feel good and that they are comfortable with. So do talk about what you both like and do what makes both of you feel good. Good luck. -Alex
I sort of agree. If the thought of exploring another man's body or kissing him turns you on, then you most likely aren't straight. You can enjoy anal play regardless of sexual orientation, however, straight men ONLY want women to screw them, not men. From the sounds of the OP, he seems to be bisexual.
