Hi everyone! I'm 18 years old and I'm gay. Basically, the only two people that know that I'm gay are my dad and my brother. I came out to my dad around a year and a half ago and I came out to my brother literally a week ago. I have an amazing family, they support me and their words are nothing but kind. I almost cried because I was so shocked that they were so accepting and loving <33 But there's one thing that my dad said, and he made a really good point. He told me that I shouldn't come out to other people yet (or possibly never? He didn't say that but...maybe he implied it?). He did not say that I must not come out and assured me that it's entirely my decision. He also told me that he will always be proud of me and that me being gay will never shame him in any ways. But, he also said that there will always be prejudice in this world (which is true) and said that coming out will bring me harms. He then told me stories about gay people getting beaten up for being gay and how it will bring me difficulties in my social life and future career. I also asked him how I am supposed to have a boyfriend if I have to live in a closet. So he told me that if i have one my boyfriend and I should try to be discrete about it. He then proceed to tell me that the only time that I should really come out is if staying in the closet damages and hurts me mentally, or when I have become successful financially (then he talks about Neil Patrick Harris and Elton John which is one of his favorite artists of all time). So, should I come out now? My dad's advice is actually really reasonable and he's one of the smartest and the most loving people I know. Are there anybody out there who are in this situation and what are you going to do? Thank you in advance and I'm really sorry if this post is too long. p.s. Please don't start bashing my dad for telling me to stay in the closet. He's the greatest, the most open and loving dad in the world and he's just concerned about my well beings. <3
ugh. Well, lets start with he is a dad and being protective of you not wanting anything to happen to his little boy. But you are 18, so you are an adult now. You are right, you can't hide who you are and date and marry and have kids and house...and until you become wealthy like NPH? Oh no. That is not realistic. It is a parent who is straight trying to keep you from having any bad thing happen to you that can happen to a gay person. Just how bad is the town you are living in? Do you read daily about gays being killed or something? I think you need to meet some older queers in your town and ask them. Seriously, your dad has how much personal knowledge of what it is like to be a gay man today? He can give you advice on buying a car if he has had cars, and saving money if he has a bank account, and getting a career in retail if he worked at Target, but unless he has been gay he can't tell you how to be gay. Now, you have a few friends you want to come out to? Are they from school, or neighbors, or coworkers? If you think you want to, why not?
Hello, I think your dad loves you very much and wants nothing but the best for you. I think being gay is a good thing. Coming out is a process. If you want to come out do it sensibly and remember that people fear what they don't understand. When I came out I didn't necessarily loose friends but some friends were somewhat distant afterwards. So I had to prepare myself for that and not take it personal. I also didn't think everybody needed to know but maybe close friends and relatives. Coming out is a Rite of Passage for gay men and should be celebrated. Good luck and best of wishes to you. -Alex
Up until a couple of months ago I hadn't either. Growing up I found it hard to find someone 2lookup2. I can remember calling a local gay partyline and asking the "gay elders" who would frequent the line questions about growing up as a gay person and I found that they too were looking for some comfort. There is a huge need for "gay role models". It isn't easy coming out. And THAT is what should be recognized and celebrated. Those processes aren't widely recognized yet for LGBT people. There are many many more rites that we as LGBT persons go through and aren't acknowledged and/or recognized. There is a book about this very topic. I have not read the book because im broke. But from what I was able to read it was very positive. The only thing I would caution if you decide to research the subject is this: LGBT youth can be at-risk by misinterpretation of what a rite means to them. Let me know if you want the book title/author. -Alex
