Almost every night I keep imagining myself with a boyfriend holding me in his arms and sleeping next to him. I feel warm inside thinking about it, but then I feel lonely thinking about it. I wonder if I actually do want a relationship, because in the past I noticed it might be more trouble than what it's worth. I'm still planning on continuing with my goals in life and then findig a relationship, but the thing is that I imagine myself like this almost every night now. I feel like I want to be in a relationship, yet I still don't want to. It's sort of confusing for me since I came back home for good. I'm sure this could be normal, but I want to know what I should do about it.
I know how you feel. Before I met my recent crush, who turned out to be my first real love (not lustful crush), I always felt lonely, but never really bothered putting the effort into easing it. All of that changed when I decided to make friends with the guy that turned into my crush. I can tell you from my experience that love is worth it. Even unrequited love, which is terribly painful, is worth it. It's a beautiful thing to love someone, even if they don't feel the same way. It really puts things in perspective for you, and I believe that, had I not fallen in love with him, I'd still be stuck in the same rut today. It really motivated me to put more effort into my life, and I have a lot of hope that someday I'll find someone who could actually return the same love to me ^_^. I ended up telling him I loved him (knew he was bi too) in a letter, and turned out that he didn't feel the same way, but cared about me as a friend. We're great friends still . I still love him, but I'm moving on. So even just partial love is amazing, and I can only dream what it would feel like to love someone like I loved him, and have them love me too. I know that it's possible, as long as I do my best to keep meeting new people, improve myself, and be a good person.
I think all of us desire companionship. Someone to share our innermost selves with. It also seems sometimes that the more we seek it the further away it gets. I really think that the best way to attract someone is to be confident in ourselves and do the things that we like and enjoy. That way the people around us see us at our best and the people who are meant to be in our lives will find us.
Aww... this is how I feel almost every night haha. Just listen to some Ke$ha (my fave being C'mon atm) and everything will be alright
'Tis a familiar feeling, after all these years of hiding it really is something that I look forward, the problem is that I don't know other people like that around my location. I need to get out more -_-
