I seriously want to end it all.

Life isn't all roses. There are minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months that are harder than anyone could imagine.

And then -- when you (and by you, I mean all of us, not just you Britter), work at being happy, put yourself out there... it happens.

I've had a low level depression with some nasty bouts over the past year or so. 3 months ago i decided enough was enough and I called and made an appointment with a therapist. Hard for me to believe how much has happened in 3 months. Some damned hard work.

No one, and I mean no person anywhere, can get through this by themselves.

You've reached out to EC -- bravo, proud of you. Keep posting, a lot. Now take the next step -- and find a support group, call a therapist, talk to a trusted counselor.

We're glad you're on this planet. We're glad you're a gay man who is working on himself. You'll be happy, you'll be great for your community and those around you. Its all steps, man. Take it step by step.

 

Honey, Remember you are good and wonderful. You have love and know yourself. Those are all so positive. Times can be tough but we are strong as a community. You have found love and acceptance here. Things may not be so great in your situation but your rainbow needs to shine for all of us. You help make the circle brighter. Hugs and if you need to chat just message me. Kay

 

I've been feeling down a lot too since I learned that my last crush, and the first person I've ever truly loved, didn't feel the same. He's so damn perfect for me, and I keep seeing more things that make me like him. We've talked about my feelings, and he's been so kind, but still. It's hard not to be disappointed and bitter. He's the first person I've met that I was able to fall in love with, and as such it's difficult to move on when I'm reminded every day how great he is. It's a terrible feeling, like your guts are being wrenched out of your chest. Every time I'm reminded of something I like about him, I feel that terrible sickening feeling; love tempered by the knowledge that it's impossible, that nothing you can do will make them feel the same.

What helps me is doing my best to keep pursuing my interests and learning, and the thought that if I get out more often, I will meet someone again. It takes time to move past these things, and I'm incredibly grateful that he was so understanding and supportive when I told him my feelings ^_^.

 

Just completely ignore the fact he lives in Australia. You know, the place that gets so much UV and is I don't know? In the Southern Hemisphere.

That aside I feel like giving you a hug and I don't do hugs.

A wise friend once told me that life does not throw you things you cannot handle. This is true. No matter how tough it gets, you will always be able to cope.

When you think about it, this will only be one small chapter in your life. You will move through this and be happier at the end of it. Your mum will eventually drop it, so don't stress over it too much. Just focus on being happy and living in the present. It is after all a gift.

 

*Hugs*

5 years of now, this will be reduced to the shrapnel of a memory, and what happens then and there will matter a lot more than this one incident that happened now. There is one bible thingy I have often said to myself, although I am not actually religious in any way;
"This too shall pass."
And in my experience, it does, if we let it. Life is not set in stone. You have had a rough, rough day, week, month, or more. But you are still young. When I was your age, I had not really even found out about my own sexuality yet! I know it can feel like a cheap comfort, when you hear, or tell yourself, that time heals most wounds, but truth is, it actually can, with some help from us. Try to forgive your mother, and remember sometimes we interpret things from the base of our fears, instead of reason. Is your mother against homosexuality? Do you know for a fact that she has a problem with it? If the answer is yes, then you should know that my mother was a self-declared homophobe her whole life, until she realized I was gay. Some people might need more time, but if your choice is to either accept your child, or have your child move 2 states away just to not be near you, then they would choose to keep their child. There are exceptions, if your mother belongs to a particularly strict religious community, for example.

Try to take a deep breath, and write your fears down. Try to be specific. What exactly is it that you are afraid of? Then write another list, what is it that you think will happen? And then think about it. Think up reasons for why it is probable that it would happen, and why it probably won`t. Since your head is spinning a bit (it is very common if you are in a depression, whether smaller or more major, to feel like you can`t think properly, or that your brain feels numb) try limit the number of things you are afraid of to 3 first, and write your other list after that. You can write them in here to us, or just for yourself.

Writing thoughts, fears, sad thoughts down can really help us work through them.

Do you have someone you can talk to, a school counselor, for example? A relative you feel understand you, and who you feel safe with?

Time really can heal all wounds, and this too will pass. You have so many things ahead of you, that you can experience in life. Don`t quit on it because of one lying scum-bag of a depression. Yeah, actually, depression lies! A person who is depressed will have his/her thoughts distorted, black/white, interpret things in a different way from how it was intended, say to themselves things like: It can never get better, I am trapped here.
Which of course, is not true.

It can get better, and will, if you can get help for it, or if the situation (if that is the cause) changes, which it will. You are growing into an adult, you probably are considered an adult wherever you come from, you will find a job, an apartment, shape a life out of the stone. You will make mistakes, learn from them, have victories, disappointments, fears, joys... Life is a roller coaster. I thought about getting off it once. I am very glad today that I never did. Someone told me that 5 years from then, my life could be so very different. They were right. I am not feeling that my life is perfect, far from. I got bills I cannot pay, and I am scared crap-less that my sink is about to fall off my bath room wall. I got a new job, which is stressful as heck. But I have a life. I have a girl-friend, my siblings, my hobbies. I find happiness in simple pleasures. I love taking a walk, look at the sunset, just enjoy the peace at that time of day, when nothing really matters that much. I am happy about what my life has become, or rather, what I have made of it.

You can make something special out of your life as well, special for you in the sense that it contains things that make you happy and content with what you have done with it. But you have to dare trying. You have to dare taking a step at the time, until you move forwards, even if it goes slowly. You might need some help to do so, I did. Maybe a therapist, if things does not get better. Maybe you need a serious talk with your mum. Tell her that you are in pain. That you are feeling depressed. That life is not a good experience for you right now. Tell someone! You deserve to be happy.

We are here for you, keep posting
*Hugs*