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Gay Friend going out with Girl!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Olli, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. Olli

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    Hey guys!
    My friend recently came out as gay as well as me. Up till now we both have had a couple of girlfriends as we tried to work out our sexuality and even cover it up, but I have not since coming to terms with being gay and coming out. My friend, however, said he would have no more girlfriends as he had no feelings for women and was finally fine with being gay.

    Now he's going out with a girl! I know 100% it's purely because she asked and for image etc. because he told me. I don't know what to do or say - he's basically just leading her on. I don't know the girl but I feel really bad for her - he's just deceiving her. What should I do/say?
     
  2. TwoMethod

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    This is a really tough one. From any point of view though, what your friend is doing is wrong. There are no two ways about it.

    If you haven't already, I think you should tell him that you think what he is doing is wrong, and that if he doesn't end it, that you will tell the girl. That is what I would do. I won't go as far as calling what your friend is doing "evil", but when things like this happen, the quote "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing" comes to mind.

    I think it is wrong to do nothing. And it is wrong for both your friend and the girl. It's wrong for your friend in that he clearly has not properly come to terms with his sexual identity, and it's pretty evident why it's wrong for the girl.
     
  3. Sartoris

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    While I agree you need to talk to him and get him to understand that what he's doing is wrong, I want to stress that you shouldn't threaten to out him. Despite the circumstances, it ultimately has to be his decision to tell her, especially if he has only begun to come out.
     
  4. photoguy93

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    This was my high school career in some ways.

    I knew there were gay guys. There was one who I really couldn't believe hadn't come out (he didn't even hide it) and he had some relations with a girl I was friends with. It drives me nuts. But here's what I learned - don't give a sh*t.

    Seriously. You can't change people. He's the typical scared "still in the closet guy" guy who HAD the opportunity to follow you. He could have easily stopped dating. He didn't have to date this girl. Let him live his life. Don't be upset or mad. Live your life. Don't become bitter (like I have, before.)

    Enjoy your life. He's made his bed, now he has to lie in it.
     
  5. Iceman110295

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    really it just high school and probably when you both get out of school she wont remember him. right now i'm in high school i date a couple of chick i'm sure they don't love me were just dating just to say we dated.
     
  6. Akatosh

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    You should not do/say anything, because its not your place to do so. If you were friends with a girl who was going out with a guy you know to be gay and isn't your friend, then I'd say you should tell her. But, it sounds like you are better friends with the guy here, and you should be concerned about your friendship. It's tough, I can see that, but maybe you can have a very serious discussion with him about how he will affect her with his actions. It is deceitful and selfish of him, but he's your bro. Give him a swift kick in the nada and see if that helps.

    If you tell her, he will feel undermined, and he possibly will think you're jealous ((o_0)) of him being with someone else. Resentments will start, and your friendship will fall apart. Don't act in self interest, whatever you do.
     
  7. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    You can tell him how you feel that it is wrong to lead a girl on and also not good for him either. I would state it in a more cautious or "to give you a heads up" type way... nothing too confrontational or preachy. However, you also need to stress that it is his life and he can make whatever choice he wants.
     
  8. lepermessiah

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    Some girls pursue men that they think might be gay. It presents a bit of a challenge. She may already have a hunch but wants to do it anyway... Live and let live