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s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homophob

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PTGriffin, Jan 11, 2013.

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  1. PTGriffin

    PTGriffin
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    I met a couple guys at work, we're in our early-mid 20s, and we all get along. 2 of them, I started hanging out with, we'd grad a drink after work or go watch a game at a pub or something, and eventually we made plans to find an apartment together. They're decent guys, wanted to same things as me so it seemed like it could work out great. However, today one of them made this totally off-hand homophobic comment and it threw me off, I asked him about it, turns out he's this insanely homophobic dude who just doesn't think that progressively.

    I'm not out to friends or family, and I wasn't planning on letting these 2 guys know either. It's never been difficult and people never question me but I'm finding it hard to question if this is a good idea. I'm afraid of what'll happen if he found out about me. And since we all work together, this can get out at work and that could turn ugly, since I'm not comfortable with people knowing.

    is it a totally bad idea to continue with the plan to move in with the 2 guys? The other didn't think the same way, they're both definitely straight. I know this sounds like a no-brainer question, but I just wanted to get some perspective on it. I don't really have any other friends I can room with and I do need to find a place soon...cost is an issue, living by myself would be a little expensive and this can help out quite a bit, plus I don't like the idea of finding random roommates.

    Any advice would be appreciated
     
    #1 PTGriffin, Jan 11, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2013
  2. castle walls

    castle walls
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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    I was in a similar situation and I decided to move in with an incredibly homophobic female. I didn't really have any other options. She never found out about me but it was absolutely terrible. If there is any way for you to avoid living with a homophobic person I'd go that route. It was seriously one of the worst experiences of my life and that is saying something.

    I know living alone is expensive but is there any way you can swing it? Perhaps get more hours or a part time job (a small one like 10 hours a week or so)? You have to do what you have to do so if you do have to live with them I'm sure you can make the best out of it but I don't think it's the ideal situation

    Good luck
     
    #2 castle walls, Jan 11, 2013
  3. ControlledChaos

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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    I had a similar situation. I actually roomed with my best friend, and he's pretty homophobic. I'm not really out and you can't tell I'm gay, so it wasn't a problem. He made remarks here and there. It's annoying to have to keep your mouth shut, but I shrugged them off.

    I think it'll be fine. Him finding out is a worst-case scenario and very unlikely IMO. I do think it depends on how homophobic he is, though. Is he always talking shit about gay people? If so, then I can see why living with him just wouldn't be good.

    I will add that my roommates would always try to hook me up with girls and that got frustrating. It's something to consider - they'll probably expect you to have girls over and when you don't, they might give you a hard time about it.
     
    #3 ControlledChaos, Jan 11, 2013
  4. Dalmatian

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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    If it's something you have to do, then it probably won't be a problem. The important part is that you like his personality. If you two do fine as friends, this will probably not be a problem (if it does become one, you can always move out). I lived with a very homophobic guy (actually a few of them) and I had no problems; a big underlying reason was also that I wasn't active; it seems you are not either. So if you don't mind hearing stupid comments from time to time and he's ok otherwise, good.
    In the end, maybe you'll find his homophobia comes from pure ignorance*. That can be changed.

    * yeah, all homophobia comes from ignorance, but there's a difference between "I never thought about gay people, but.. they are gay" and "the Bible says it's a sin" or something like that.
     
    #4 Dalmatian, Jan 12, 2013
  5. theMaverick

    theMaverick
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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    Yes, it's a horrible idea. Do not do it.
     
    #5 theMaverick, Jan 12, 2013
  6. mothcaterpillar

    mothcaterpillar
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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    It sounds dangerous if they are openly homophobic then.they could turn nasty if they.find out maybe you should be open with.them and they.might learn.tht their views are misguided
     
    #6 mothcaterpillar, Jan 12, 2013
  7. darkcheesse

    darkcheesse
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    Re: s it a bad idea to move in with my future roommate who turned out to be very homo

    i live with people who weren't major homophobes, calling things gay occasionally, but the problem is they never saw how hurtful there comments could be and over time, and i started feeling suicidal, i moved out after a month, it wasn't just the comments but having to hide who you are all day and night even when your at home just got to me, and friends warned me about but i thought there two mates that i've known for a few years it will be fine, and i was wrong
     
    #7 darkcheesse, Jan 12, 2013
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