I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd or 4th grade - please help

Re: I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd/4th grade

I also did something similar with a friend, 5th grade I believe. Don't sweat it, young minds are very curious and you did nothing wrong. As far as your home life, gain some self confidence.

 

Re: I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd/4th grade

It is quite common for young kids to experiment like that. I really wouldn't feel too bad or worry about it very much. And it's probably not a good idea to come out to your parents, I know you said you don't plan to, but I'm just reinforcing that feeling, especially since it sounds like they probably wouldn't be very accepting of it. It sucks, but you have to look out for yourself first.

 

Re: I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd/4th grade

Oh man, you needed to post this. Because I'm pretty sure we all have these stories.

I did this when I was the same age. I think the last time was when I was 11. I had this friend who seemed kind of curious. That was experimentation, I guess.

But when it happened at age 7-9, I HAD NO CLUE. I was, I guess, turned on. I didn't even begin to think about being gay. It was like this animal was in me. I had NO CLUE. I just wanted to have some contact. The guys didn't love it, sometimes they did. Sometimes we would do stuff. But I had no clue what was going on (as in being gay.)

But once I learned, it was different. I immediately felt bad and had these thoughts that I was some terrible, horrible predator.BUT I WAS 7 or whatever. You know?

We know the difference, now, and are ok.

And with your family - just stay safe and confident in yourself! You matter.

 

Re: I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd/4th grade

I don0t think you should fell that bad with you. You were in an age where we try to discover new things and that was what you have done. I believe that almost everybody already made that kind of things or similar things. It is just the human being thing, the discovery feeling that everyone have and always will.

Be happy. Believe my, you didn't lost your innocence. You were innocent to do that just because you wanted to know things. Only when you understand things you lose your innocence.

 

Re: I sexually experimented with another male in 3rd/4th grade

I experimented with another boy when I was 5 years old, in Kindergarten.

I remember he started touching me, and I said, well, why the fuck not touch him.

>.<

 

boys will be boys, I suppose. I never had any experiences like this so I don't have any idea how traumatic it must be. Know that what you did wasn't shameful, though, and it doesn't make you a dirty person.

If it's not too awkward, perhaps you could talk to him on fb about it? If you get his feelings, maybe you'll lessen some of the stress you've got on your shoulders surrounding what must seem like an awful secret.

 

Him being a year younger than you and you only being eight or nine isn't really that bad. Have you considered writing him a letter about it and how awful you feel? Maybe he doesn't remember it the same way you do.

 

I also had experiences when I was around that age too with my best friend. We look back on it at as a "exploration of our sexuality." He is straight, and I am gay. We're still friends, because it was a decision we made at that age, we both enjoyed it, and don't see it as a bad thing.

 

I used to play with both girls and boys, with our briefs on, but we kissed our bodies, and I did it from age 5-13. I feel bad about it too, to a point. I mean the last girl assumes I am gay. Well, not exactly...I am well, a transgender guy. I maybe a bit bi as well. Only reason I didn't penetrate somebody is #1 I didn't have a penis, and #2, we more frotted. I think to this day, the only thing I would be interested in doing without briefs on with another man is frotting...well and kissing anybody is good.

I think we were innocent. I think we were doing it in play, even if it were way too far. I can see with penetrating your friend you feel like you did him wrong. I feel same way for all the friends I did stuff to. But we all were consenting children, and doing it without knowing of the immense emotional and psychological impacts we could create. It was impulse, curiosity, and child's play...even though we know it was sex. My friends and me called it playing sex. We all enjoyed it, but I think I enjoyed it most. Does it make me evil? Well, I went into the closet thinking I was evil. I heard somebody say homosexuality is a sin about then, and since we moved away, I chose to never have sex with another kid my age again. However, I also was trying to undy why I thought of myself as a boy, and was ashamed of that too, and hid in my room trying on boy and boyish looking clothing, imagining myself a man. Life for a Queer kid is hard. We don't have Queer relatives to show us what we can expect...so we feel really really different. And culture shows us different is bad, to be avoided. I am happy you are coming out and okay with being gay, but I think we just have to undy that if we were straight (and in my case cis-gender) we may have done similar with kids in a straight way. Mom told me she did and brothers did too. I think stuff happens, and we don't talk about it. Let's try to forgive ourselves.

 

I think checking each other out and experimenting is completely normal. For me it was at about 10, pretty similar to you, with 2 other boys.

Of course, now that I know I'm gay, maybe its something straight boys don't do -- but so what?

You say that you feel shameful -- I'm not clear, is that shameful about what happened with him (having homosex), or are you ashamed that you still masturbate and think about it?

What happened years ago was, from everything I've read, professionals I've spoken to, something a lot of kids do. And its normal.

And as far as still thinking about that pleasurable experience and jerking off -- well why not? Again, perfectly fine.

Sounds like to me that bigger thing is that in your home you have parents who you are pretty sure would reject you being gay. I'm guessing you're 15 or 16? Sounds like you're quite sure you're gay. And this is a time in your life that it would be great to be out -- so you could hang and go out with other gay guys.

That's hard for sure. Is there a gay/straight alliance at your school? A gay pride or lgbt center you could get to? I am sure you'll find you're not alone in living in a household that seems very homophobe.

I can only say to you -- look ahead to going to college, when you'll have lots more freedom. Look for some IRL support (in my area, a number of churches have gay youth support, though for sure not Catholic churches). For now, keep posting here about what's going on. We're here for you.

 

To the OP~

I'm not sure why you feel guilt or shame about what you did.

My best friend (also a neighbor) did similar things from about age 4 or 5 until about age 10 or 11.

I don't feel any shame or guilt. I think a lot of kids do this kind of stuff. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's normal.

 

I had quite a lot of sexual experiences in my younger years. Unfortunately it started with being molested when I was 12, which I never got over. The rest wasn't exactly sex, but a involved lot of grooming on me, by older boys which I had consented to.

 

I had a kinda sexual experience in kindergarden with a classmate (girl), but I don't feel bad about it. Curiosity is normal for kids because you want to know your body, no matter hetero or homosexual.